215.4
That's a 3.4 lb loss in two weeks since my last fill, and my lazy, sorry ass has not been trying that hard.
This isn't the Whine About My Life blog, it is the lap band blog. But some things I have to whine about affect my weight loss, so here goes.
I am beginning to learn about the difference between physical and mental hungers. It seems strange that I could make it to 28 without really understanding the distinction, but apparently I have. I am much more motivated by emotional and habitual hungers than I am physical hungers. The holiday seasons have always been challenging for me (tiny violins) and this one seems to be no exception.
Without going into too much detail, I am estranged from most of the family that raised me. There has been much turmoil in that part of my life this year, and although estrangement at the holidays is not a totally painless arrangement, it is the best choice of several miserable options. I still have my fiancee M and my sister T, and many, many loving friends, some of whom have essentially inducted me into their own families. I really don't have much to complain about.
Except, M is away on a business trip. We're hoping he'll return as scheduled on Saturday the 22nd, but there is no guarantee. He's already missed several holiday events. I know those things don't matter, but in a way they do. I feel lonely without him, and I feel isolated. I have been blue, thinking too much about another Christmas, feeling like an outsider with my nose pressed to the glass, looking in at other families enjoying their happy family holidays.
So what does this mean? Oh, very little self-control when it comes to what goes into my mouth. I have indulged far too much in the holiday treats and desserts that seem be everywhere. I have consoled myself with comfort foods rather than striven for healthful, low-calorie meals. And, amazingly, I have still managed to lose 3.4 lbs doing that.
This band is amazing.
I have noticed that even when my band is telling me, "Hey you! Pouch is full!" My brain wants to keep eating. And my brain is so very, very persuasive when it is convincing me that sure, I can have that little chocolate truffle over there, it melts and goes down soooo easy.
Last weekend I ran out of my breakfast staple, oatmeal. So I rummaged around, hungry, and came up with some dried apricots and dried prunes, leftover ingredients from Thanksgiving. I took my time, chewed them slowly, and my god: experienced the worst PB I've had since getting banded. I felt, while it was happening and for a long time afterward, like I'd been kicked in the chest. It wasn't just uncomfortable, it hurt!
So anyway. I ejected the apricots and suffered for a few hours, unable to eat anything, but hungry and in pain. And I eventually dragged my ass to Chick-fil-A and ordered a big ol' chocolate milkshake and sucked it down, gleefully. It felt so soothing, to be able to consume something so easily. It was comforting but I regretted it for days afterward.
I have also been comforting myself since I am lonely and feeling emotionally vulnerable at this time of year, by sneaking cookies and snagging chocolates. I want desperately to stop. What kind of girl isn't motivated by her impending wedding a mere three months away to keep her stupid hand out of the stupid cookie jar?!
And. This is compounded by the fact that perversely, certain healthy foods that I enjoy seem to be problematic for me. The apricots were the most painful PB I've had, followed by sauteed brussels sprouts. Also, broccoli, salad, and apples with their skins still on (deskinned seem okay) have proven problematic. So when I'm eating in front of other people, I tend to shy away from things that might cause me to rush to the bathroom, and instead order mashed potatoes or something like that.
In any case. I am working on-- for example, my discovered that peeling my apples makes all the difference-- and giving myself a break, recognizing that I am still adjutsing. And, really, has there been any other point in my life when I've been completely disinterested in "dieting" and yet lost 3.4 lbs in two weeks? Absolutely not.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
minor freakout
I hate pictures of myself so much that I go to great lengths to avoid being photographed. There are only a few pictures of me from the last few years because I've gotten pretty good at this. Most of my friends that would, on occasion, tote around a camera have learned to accomodate my shyness, and all is well.
All is well, except for one friend's wife. She takes her digital camera everywhere and my camera-shyness only motivates her more to take pictures of me. Well, she is part of a small group of girls that has been getting together lately for Girls' Nights. The first time, we went salsa-dancing. This past Saturday, we had a cookie-baking extravaganza at my place, and she took about 30 pictures that included me.
Yesterday, she emailed them out to the group. I look terrible. I can't stand to look at my huge fatness and avoid looking at myself in the mirror-- even just my face. I don't put on makeup largely because of this uncomfortableness, and I rarely model the day's clothing in the long mirror, either. I hate looking at myself. It isn't motivating to me, its depressing. Emailing out 30 terrible pictures of me to other people is not just forcing me to look at myself and be ashamed, but is also excruciatingly humiliating because other people get to look at those awful pictures of me and silently thank their deity that they aren't fat like me.
So yeah, I had a little freakout. I had to run by the grocery store on the way home last night to get some supplies for this week's meals (baked potatoes with lowfat sour cream, lowfat cheese, and lean turkey bacon; cheese tortellini with lean turkey sausage and marinara sauce), and I was in such a funk that I grabbed a box of brownie mix. And made brownies last night. And ate about a third of a pan (with milk) and of course, felt like a huge failure all night.
Now I am in full avoidance mode: I avoided the scale this morning for the first time in weeks.
I am so mad at myself. After Saturday's cookie day, I managed to eat only a couple cookies and I gave all the rest away on Sunday so they were out of temptation's reach. And then Monday I go and blow it, big time. I don't understand how I can be such a rational person about other things in my life, but then look at fat pictures of myself and say, "Gee, I'm so sad to be fat. What will fix that? Hmmm, eating a whole pan of brownies!"
All is well, except for one friend's wife. She takes her digital camera everywhere and my camera-shyness only motivates her more to take pictures of me. Well, she is part of a small group of girls that has been getting together lately for Girls' Nights. The first time, we went salsa-dancing. This past Saturday, we had a cookie-baking extravaganza at my place, and she took about 30 pictures that included me.
Yesterday, she emailed them out to the group. I look terrible. I can't stand to look at my huge fatness and avoid looking at myself in the mirror-- even just my face. I don't put on makeup largely because of this uncomfortableness, and I rarely model the day's clothing in the long mirror, either. I hate looking at myself. It isn't motivating to me, its depressing. Emailing out 30 terrible pictures of me to other people is not just forcing me to look at myself and be ashamed, but is also excruciatingly humiliating because other people get to look at those awful pictures of me and silently thank their deity that they aren't fat like me.
So yeah, I had a little freakout. I had to run by the grocery store on the way home last night to get some supplies for this week's meals (baked potatoes with lowfat sour cream, lowfat cheese, and lean turkey bacon; cheese tortellini with lean turkey sausage and marinara sauce), and I was in such a funk that I grabbed a box of brownie mix. And made brownies last night. And ate about a third of a pan (with milk) and of course, felt like a huge failure all night.
Now I am in full avoidance mode: I avoided the scale this morning for the first time in weeks.
I am so mad at myself. After Saturday's cookie day, I managed to eat only a couple cookies and I gave all the rest away on Sunday so they were out of temptation's reach. And then Monday I go and blow it, big time. I don't understand how I can be such a rational person about other things in my life, but then look at fat pictures of myself and say, "Gee, I'm so sad to be fat. What will fix that? Hmmm, eating a whole pan of brownies!"
Monday, December 3, 2007
third fill
218.8
Yes, that's 2.4 lbs up from my lowest post-fill weight, which happened after the second fill. The second fill worked perfectly for two weeks and then *POOF* I was back to the minimal amount of restriction I had after the first fill.
10/20/2007: First fill of 2.4 ccs, total 2.4 ccs
11/03/2007: Second fill of 0.8 ccs, total 3.2 ccs
12/01/2007: Third fill of 0.8 ccs, total 4.0 ccs
People, I have the Inamed 10 cm band, which has a nominal maximum capacity of 4 ccs. Darlene said not to worry, though, and that it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with my band. In fact, she pulled all the saline out twice to make sure it was all there-- and it was. She explained that everyone's stomach anatomy was different. If the surgeon puts a small band around someone whose stomach is large at the top where the band is placed, they may need very little in the way of fills to get good restriction. If, on the other hand, the patient's stomach is actually small up top, that patient will need more fills to get to a good restriction. She also said I had a small pouch top so its not like I'm really at the right restriction but just not noticing it because I have a lot of room to put food in.
I hope this is it. I will be really disappointed if it isn't. Also, 4 ccs is the nominal maximum for my band. I know that people can, and do, safely exceed the maximum but I am worried since where will I go from here? I can't go up much more. I envy those people with their 1/4 cup post-band meals.
Last night I had a dinner with friends. I had about half of what I'd normally eat-- a small piece of chicken, a few bites of a spinach salad, a few green beans, a few spoonfuls of mashed potatoes. I had no problems. I had, however, just recently finished a glass of wine when we sat down to the table so its possible that my pouch hadn't emptied the wine and that I broke the "no liquids with meals" rule inadvertently.
This morning I am being much more virtuous in that respect and I had half a water bottle on the way into work before making my pack of oatmeal, which I have only been able to eat half of. Whee!
We have free breakfast at work on Mondays and today's was Chick-fil-A. I snagged two chicken biscuits, which I plan to denude of the fatty, nutritionally devoid biscuits and eat just the chicken for lunch.
Yes, that's 2.4 lbs up from my lowest post-fill weight, which happened after the second fill. The second fill worked perfectly for two weeks and then *POOF* I was back to the minimal amount of restriction I had after the first fill.
10/20/2007: First fill of 2.4 ccs, total 2.4 ccs
11/03/2007: Second fill of 0.8 ccs, total 3.2 ccs
12/01/2007: Third fill of 0.8 ccs, total 4.0 ccs
People, I have the Inamed 10 cm band, which has a nominal maximum capacity of 4 ccs. Darlene said not to worry, though, and that it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with my band. In fact, she pulled all the saline out twice to make sure it was all there-- and it was. She explained that everyone's stomach anatomy was different. If the surgeon puts a small band around someone whose stomach is large at the top where the band is placed, they may need very little in the way of fills to get good restriction. If, on the other hand, the patient's stomach is actually small up top, that patient will need more fills to get to a good restriction. She also said I had a small pouch top so its not like I'm really at the right restriction but just not noticing it because I have a lot of room to put food in.
I hope this is it. I will be really disappointed if it isn't. Also, 4 ccs is the nominal maximum for my band. I know that people can, and do, safely exceed the maximum but I am worried since where will I go from here? I can't go up much more. I envy those people with their 1/4 cup post-band meals.
Last night I had a dinner with friends. I had about half of what I'd normally eat-- a small piece of chicken, a few bites of a spinach salad, a few green beans, a few spoonfuls of mashed potatoes. I had no problems. I had, however, just recently finished a glass of wine when we sat down to the table so its possible that my pouch hadn't emptied the wine and that I broke the "no liquids with meals" rule inadvertently.
This morning I am being much more virtuous in that respect and I had half a water bottle on the way into work before making my pack of oatmeal, which I have only been able to eat half of. Whee!
We have free breakfast at work on Mondays and today's was Chick-fil-A. I snagged two chicken biscuits, which I plan to denude of the fatty, nutritionally devoid biscuits and eat just the chicken for lunch.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
agonizingly slow
216.4
In one week, I've lost 0.6 lbs. Normally, I'd find that frustrating. But really, today, I don't. Because I haven't really been trying at all. I've been eating whatever I can and whatever I feel like, and in a normal week, that would translate to Big Spankings From Scale.
Why am I not trying right now? I should be super-motivated by the wedding and the fact that the band is now working. I should be stoked to eat 300-calorie meals and still be able to glide effortlessly through my day. Excuses/justifications/reasons:
1. Drank alot on Saturday night.
2. I have been eating a lot of cheese, because its protein, and it doesn't make me PB like anything bready.
3. I have been PBing a lot. And then much later, eating things that are easy to eat as a result. See #2.
4. I haven't been working out, as I've been working too much.
Turkey Day is tomorrow. I'm hosting about 10 people. Should be fun, but its lots of work and I'm starting to sweat the small stuff. I don't plan on a gorge-fest, of course, but I am looking forward to a few bites of yummies.
In one week, I've lost 0.6 lbs. Normally, I'd find that frustrating. But really, today, I don't. Because I haven't really been trying at all. I've been eating whatever I can and whatever I feel like, and in a normal week, that would translate to Big Spankings From Scale.
Why am I not trying right now? I should be super-motivated by the wedding and the fact that the band is now working. I should be stoked to eat 300-calorie meals and still be able to glide effortlessly through my day. Excuses/justifications/reasons:
1. Drank alot on Saturday night.
2. I have been eating a lot of cheese, because its protein, and it doesn't make me PB like anything bready.
3. I have been PBing a lot. And then much later, eating things that are easy to eat as a result. See #2.
4. I haven't been working out, as I've been working too much.
Turkey Day is tomorrow. I'm hosting about 10 people. Should be fun, but its lots of work and I'm starting to sweat the small stuff. I don't plan on a gorge-fest, of course, but I am looking forward to a few bites of yummies.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
slowly but surely
217.0
Yup.
I seem to swing wildly from extreme-to-extreme. Tuesday was a three-bite lunch of fairly innocuous food, followed by a hearty PB. Last night, the same at supper time. Today at lunch? I managed 90% of a shredded chicken barbeque sandwich (eaten with a fork inside-out) and a peanut butter cookie (awful, I know).
What the heck?
But, I am still losing. I am definitely cutting down on total intake so I'm not complaining, just wondering, how my tolerance for the exact same foods-- for example, chicken breast-- can vary day by day and sometimes hour by hour.
It seems like lunch is my big meal now. I can manage more at lunch than I can at breakfast and supper combined, it seems. Oatmeal has become my standard morning meal: I like the Quaker low-sugar maple and brown sugar packets. 120 calories, not too shabby. I need to concentrate more on protein than I have been, but I'm not naturally inclined to a sit down to a plate of meat, so I am still working on that aspect.
I don't think I'll make it under 200 by the end of the year though; the end of November is creeping up awful fast.
Yup.
I seem to swing wildly from extreme-to-extreme. Tuesday was a three-bite lunch of fairly innocuous food, followed by a hearty PB. Last night, the same at supper time. Today at lunch? I managed 90% of a shredded chicken barbeque sandwich (eaten with a fork inside-out) and a peanut butter cookie (awful, I know).
What the heck?
But, I am still losing. I am definitely cutting down on total intake so I'm not complaining, just wondering, how my tolerance for the exact same foods-- for example, chicken breast-- can vary day by day and sometimes hour by hour.
It seems like lunch is my big meal now. I can manage more at lunch than I can at breakfast and supper combined, it seems. Oatmeal has become my standard morning meal: I like the Quaker low-sugar maple and brown sugar packets. 120 calories, not too shabby. I need to concentrate more on protein than I have been, but I'm not naturally inclined to a sit down to a plate of meat, so I am still working on that aspect.
I don't think I'll make it under 200 by the end of the year though; the end of November is creeping up awful fast.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
218.8
Well, I had my second fill just over a week ago now, and it has worked! I mostly am eating about half or a third of what I could normally manage. Sunday night for supper we went to Mellow Mushroom Pizza and I managed slightly less than one piece of pizza! Seriously!
Today for lunch we went to Whole Foods and I got a big spoonful of veggie lasagna, a garlic bread knot, five brussel sprouts, and a piece of lemon chicken. I ate three small bites of chicken, two small bites of lasagna, one brussel sprout and I was full.
Lest you think it is easy, I am still hungry between meals. Sometimes it is minor and I hardly notice, and sometimes my tummy gurgles, growls and snarls audibly, and it embarasses me.
I'm not allowed to drink with my meals, which is harder than you'd think. The longer I wait to start drinking (water, tea, coffee) after a meal, the longer I can go before getting hungry again. So I'm really thirsty alot and haven't quite licked that problem-- I tend to try to pound 4 cups of water a half hour or so before I eat, but sometimes I'm busy and its hard to remember or get it all down.
Also, the naughtiest foods go down the easiest and sometimes I get tired of everything being hard to eat-- I have to chew alot-- and just want full-sugar latte or milkshake that will just slide on down with no complaints. Chocolate still melts in my mouth and has no trouble sneaking past the band like a burglar in the night.
Last night we had a Girl's Night Out, we went to a salsa dance class and then to a local tapas restaurant, Eclipse di Luna. The other girls ordered a pitcher of sangria for the table, knowing that I would, as usualy, dive right in. And damned if I didn't want that sangria so badly that I drank it with my meal-- meaning I ate more than I could have if I hadn't been drinking. But I still ate less than normal.
This morning I made some homemade oatmeal, a half-serving of a recipe I used to use a lot. It went down fine and kept me happy until lunch.
3/4 cup old-fashioned oatmeal
2 Tbsp finely diced dried apple*
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 and 1/2 to 2 Tbsp Splenda
1/4 tsp salt
1 and 1/4 cup to 1 and 1/2 cup water
1. Combine dry ingredients and store in a Ziploc or other air-tight container if using later.
2. When ready to prepare oatmeal, measure out water into a cereal bowl or extra-large mug. For thicker oatmeal, I use about 1 and 1/4 cup of water.
3. Add well-mixed dry ingredients to water and stir in.
4. Microwave on high for 90 seconds. Stir and eat!
* My local Farmer’s Market sells bags of these, cut into little cubes, for way cheaper than the regular grocery store. I stock up when I go there.
M and I really need to go grocery shopping, maybe tonight. I will get some eggs and try to make myself eat them. Really.
Well, I had my second fill just over a week ago now, and it has worked! I mostly am eating about half or a third of what I could normally manage. Sunday night for supper we went to Mellow Mushroom Pizza and I managed slightly less than one piece of pizza! Seriously!
Today for lunch we went to Whole Foods and I got a big spoonful of veggie lasagna, a garlic bread knot, five brussel sprouts, and a piece of lemon chicken. I ate three small bites of chicken, two small bites of lasagna, one brussel sprout and I was full.
Lest you think it is easy, I am still hungry between meals. Sometimes it is minor and I hardly notice, and sometimes my tummy gurgles, growls and snarls audibly, and it embarasses me.
I'm not allowed to drink with my meals, which is harder than you'd think. The longer I wait to start drinking (water, tea, coffee) after a meal, the longer I can go before getting hungry again. So I'm really thirsty alot and haven't quite licked that problem-- I tend to try to pound 4 cups of water a half hour or so before I eat, but sometimes I'm busy and its hard to remember or get it all down.
Also, the naughtiest foods go down the easiest and sometimes I get tired of everything being hard to eat-- I have to chew alot-- and just want full-sugar latte or milkshake that will just slide on down with no complaints. Chocolate still melts in my mouth and has no trouble sneaking past the band like a burglar in the night.
Last night we had a Girl's Night Out, we went to a salsa dance class and then to a local tapas restaurant, Eclipse di Luna. The other girls ordered a pitcher of sangria for the table, knowing that I would, as usualy, dive right in. And damned if I didn't want that sangria so badly that I drank it with my meal-- meaning I ate more than I could have if I hadn't been drinking. But I still ate less than normal.
This morning I made some homemade oatmeal, a half-serving of a recipe I used to use a lot. It went down fine and kept me happy until lunch.
3/4 cup old-fashioned oatmeal
2 Tbsp finely diced dried apple*
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 and 1/2 to 2 Tbsp Splenda
1/4 tsp salt
1 and 1/4 cup to 1 and 1/2 cup water
1. Combine dry ingredients and store in a Ziploc or other air-tight container if using later.
2. When ready to prepare oatmeal, measure out water into a cereal bowl or extra-large mug. For thicker oatmeal, I use about 1 and 1/4 cup of water.
3. Add well-mixed dry ingredients to water and stir in.
4. Microwave on high for 90 seconds. Stir and eat!
* My local Farmer’s Market sells bags of these, cut into little cubes, for way cheaper than the regular grocery store. I stock up when I go there.
M and I really need to go grocery shopping, maybe tonight. I will get some eggs and try to make myself eat them. Really.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
i am feeling optimistic
219.6
Could things really be happening now? Could my fills be working, could the scale start going in a happy direction?
Please, please, let it be so.
Last night I broiled a big piece of salmon for my fiancee M and myself. It was about a pound, and I cut off one wee tiny strip for myself, what I thought would amount to 4 oz. (one quarter of a pound). I also made some cous-cous from a box mix (lazy, as I often make my own and its hardly any trouble at all) and some "steamed" broccoli and carrots from a frozen bag mixture. I was hungry, too. Imagine my amazement when I was only able to get down half of that teensy strip of salmon, two spoonfuls of cous-cous, and one bite of the veggie mix!
M is a champion speedeater. His job requires him to eat alot of meals in an industrial mess hall kind of setting where space is limited and he can only steal a few minutes to eat in between tasks. So as a matter of habit (not a good one), he bolts his food down. It took me longer to eat those 8 or 9 little bites than it did for him to eat the other 12 oz. of salmon, and several cups of couscous and veggies!
He watched me push back my plate and almost didn't believe me: "You're sure you're done? You don't want to try to finish that salmon?" (He knows I'm supposed to maximize the protein and was trying to look out for me in that sense.)
The mornings are still difficult for me. I am often a little nauseated-- not overpoweringly so, but its nagging and uncomfortable-- and very hungry. But the biscuits I tried on Sunday and Monday mornings turned out to be Very Bad Ideas. I have been having, instead, a scoop of Unjury protein powder (100 cals and 20 g of high-quality protein) in my coffee as "breakfast." But my tummy rumbles until lunch. And I didn't get this voluptuous because its easy for me to sit around for hours and hours, hungry.
Tonight while we are out and about doing errands, I think I will stop by the market and pick up some Eggbeaters, light ham, and 2% milk shredded cheddar. I am really not a big egg fan. I can't just tuck into a *shudder* plate of sunny-side ups or anything. I maybe can get down some scrambled if its not runny. An omelet with cheese and ham might do the trick for the a.m., and Eggbeaters have 30 cals and 6 g of protein per quarter-cup serving. I'll give it a whirl.
My other option that I need to try out is oatmeal. I freakin' love oatmeal, but it has no (or little) protein. M suggested that I stir some of the unflavored Unjury into my regular oatmeal mix (plain rolled oats, Splenda, cinnamon, dried apple cubes). But I am not sure I want to mess with my favorite breakfast recipe.
breakfast
1 scoop of chocolate-flavored Unjury in 12 oz. of coffee - 100 cals, 20 g of protein
lunch
2 oz. grilled salmon with 2 Tbsp teriyaki sauce - 119 cals, 12 g of protein
1/4 cup Green Giant steamed broccoli and carrots with garlic and herbs - 10 cals, 0 g protein
1/4 cup Far East Roasted Garlic and Olive Oil cous-cous - 55 cals, 2 g protein
1 Weight Watchers fat-free key lime pie yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
dinner
1/4 cup Barilla cooked gemelli pasta - 101 cals, 3 g protein
1 Tbsp Buitoni basil and olive oil pesto - 75 cals, 2 g protein
4 large shrimp, sauteed with garlic and a teapsoon of olive oil - 70 cals, 6 g of protein
1/2 oz. Athenos tomato and basil feta - 38 cals, 3 g of protein
total
668 calories, 54 g of protein
Could things really be happening now? Could my fills be working, could the scale start going in a happy direction?
Please, please, let it be so.
Last night I broiled a big piece of salmon for my fiancee M and myself. It was about a pound, and I cut off one wee tiny strip for myself, what I thought would amount to 4 oz. (one quarter of a pound). I also made some cous-cous from a box mix (lazy, as I often make my own and its hardly any trouble at all) and some "steamed" broccoli and carrots from a frozen bag mixture. I was hungry, too. Imagine my amazement when I was only able to get down half of that teensy strip of salmon, two spoonfuls of cous-cous, and one bite of the veggie mix!
M is a champion speedeater. His job requires him to eat alot of meals in an industrial mess hall kind of setting where space is limited and he can only steal a few minutes to eat in between tasks. So as a matter of habit (not a good one), he bolts his food down. It took me longer to eat those 8 or 9 little bites than it did for him to eat the other 12 oz. of salmon, and several cups of couscous and veggies!
He watched me push back my plate and almost didn't believe me: "You're sure you're done? You don't want to try to finish that salmon?" (He knows I'm supposed to maximize the protein and was trying to look out for me in that sense.)
The mornings are still difficult for me. I am often a little nauseated-- not overpoweringly so, but its nagging and uncomfortable-- and very hungry. But the biscuits I tried on Sunday and Monday mornings turned out to be Very Bad Ideas. I have been having, instead, a scoop of Unjury protein powder (100 cals and 20 g of high-quality protein) in my coffee as "breakfast." But my tummy rumbles until lunch. And I didn't get this voluptuous because its easy for me to sit around for hours and hours, hungry.
Tonight while we are out and about doing errands, I think I will stop by the market and pick up some Eggbeaters, light ham, and 2% milk shredded cheddar. I am really not a big egg fan. I can't just tuck into a *shudder* plate of sunny-side ups or anything. I maybe can get down some scrambled if its not runny. An omelet with cheese and ham might do the trick for the a.m., and Eggbeaters have 30 cals and 6 g of protein per quarter-cup serving. I'll give it a whirl.
My other option that I need to try out is oatmeal. I freakin' love oatmeal, but it has no (or little) protein. M suggested that I stir some of the unflavored Unjury into my regular oatmeal mix (plain rolled oats, Splenda, cinnamon, dried apple cubes). But I am not sure I want to mess with my favorite breakfast recipe.
breakfast
1 scoop of chocolate-flavored Unjury in 12 oz. of coffee - 100 cals, 20 g of protein
lunch
2 oz. grilled salmon with 2 Tbsp teriyaki sauce - 119 cals, 12 g of protein
1/4 cup Green Giant steamed broccoli and carrots with garlic and herbs - 10 cals, 0 g protein
1/4 cup Far East Roasted Garlic and Olive Oil cous-cous - 55 cals, 2 g protein
1 Weight Watchers fat-free key lime pie yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
dinner
1/4 cup Barilla cooked gemelli pasta - 101 cals, 3 g protein
1 Tbsp Buitoni basil and olive oil pesto - 75 cals, 2 g protein
4 large shrimp, sauteed with garlic and a teapsoon of olive oil - 70 cals, 6 g of protein
1/2 oz. Athenos tomato and basil feta - 38 cals, 3 g of protein
total
668 calories, 54 g of protein
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
welcome to my life, restriction
I can't believe it, I am really, actually feeling restriction!
Last night I was super-hungry, since I had to work late and didn't sit down to eat until 8:00 p.m. I met my fiancee at a casual restaurant we both love and patronize regularly. Normally I can eat half a basket of chips with guacamole or cheese dip (I know, horrifying, right?-- but I don't always get the chips) and then two fish tacos. The fish taco is two strips of lightly breaded tilapia in a soft taco shell, with a little bit of jalapeno dressing on it. Well, last night we skipped the chips for both our sakes', and I ordered my two tacos per usual.
I could only manage, even with small bites, thorough chewing, and deliberate slowness, to eat one! And I was very full! And thrilled!
I am so excited. This makes me really happy.
Yesterday morning I had a really gross sliming episode with half a biscuit, so this morning I stuck to my Unjury and coffee. Now that I am really, truly restricted, I will spend more time focusing on getting lots of protein in.
breakfast
1 scoop of chocolate-flavored Unjury in 12 oz. of coffee - 100 cals, 20 g of protein
lunch
8 small pieces California roll sushi - 300 cals, 8 g of protein
snack
1 Weight Watchers fat-free yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
dinner
2 oz. grilled salmon with 2 Tbsp teriyaki sauce - 119 cals, 12 g of protein
1/4 cup Green Giant steamed broccoli and carrots with garlic and herbs - 10 cals, 0 g protein
1/4 cup Far East Roasted Garlic and Olive Oil couscous - 55 cals, 2 g protein
total
684 calories
48 grams of protein
Last night I was super-hungry, since I had to work late and didn't sit down to eat until 8:00 p.m. I met my fiancee at a casual restaurant we both love and patronize regularly. Normally I can eat half a basket of chips with guacamole or cheese dip (I know, horrifying, right?-- but I don't always get the chips) and then two fish tacos. The fish taco is two strips of lightly breaded tilapia in a soft taco shell, with a little bit of jalapeno dressing on it. Well, last night we skipped the chips for both our sakes', and I ordered my two tacos per usual.
I could only manage, even with small bites, thorough chewing, and deliberate slowness, to eat one! And I was very full! And thrilled!
I am so excited. This makes me really happy.
Yesterday morning I had a really gross sliming episode with half a biscuit, so this morning I stuck to my Unjury and coffee. Now that I am really, truly restricted, I will spend more time focusing on getting lots of protein in.
breakfast
1 scoop of chocolate-flavored Unjury in 12 oz. of coffee - 100 cals, 20 g of protein
lunch
8 small pieces California roll sushi - 300 cals, 8 g of protein
snack
1 Weight Watchers fat-free yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
dinner
2 oz. grilled salmon with 2 Tbsp teriyaki sauce - 119 cals, 12 g of protein
1/4 cup Green Giant steamed broccoli and carrots with garlic and herbs - 10 cals, 0 g protein
1/4 cup Far East Roasted Garlic and Olive Oil couscous - 55 cals, 2 g protein
total
684 calories
48 grams of protein
Monday, November 5, 2007
second fill
221.6
Hate that number, don't want to talk about that number.
However, I got my second fill on Saturday (two days ago). My first fill was 2.4 cc's in my 4 cc band. This one was 0.8 cc's additional. 3.2 cc's in my 4 cc band! Of course, it might not actually be that much, as I might have worked some air bubbles out of my band during the last couple weeks.
(I love Darlene Zebley with Fill Centers USA. Her, her son, and her daughter run the Atlanta branch every other Saturday. They are terrific, caring people.)
I am, finally, feeling some restriction. I can eat about half of what I'd normally eat at a meal, which is great. Its not quite where I'd like to be (I'd like to be at the 1/4 - 1/3 cup range), but I'll deal with this for now. I am also getting better about the bandster rules: no liquids at meal time is actually alot harder than I thought. Lately I've been just pounding the water 30 - 60 minutes before a meal to try to stave off the inevitable thirst.
I have been super-restricted in the mornings. I've also been having nausea problems on and off. This morning, for example, I'd planned a protein shake and coffee breakfast, but I was so nauseated on my morning walk and drive in to work, that I decided to cheat a little and have a little wee biscuit first to try to settle my stomach. Well, I got about half of it down but then I sat in my chair at work and slimed like mad for about 30 minutes. Its the most uncomfortable I've been yet, and I've had a couple other slimes. (No real PBs yet.) It passed, and about an hour later I was able to get my coffee and protein shake down.
Okay, the nausea problem. If any of you other bandsters are reading, could you tell me if you've experienced this or heard of it? I had problems with nausea immediately after the surgery, caused by the anasthesia. I thought that was it. But since then, I have had bouts of nausea on and off, several times a week usually. It happens most often in the mornings, but not exclusively. I thought at first it was from the protein shakes I was doing in the mornings, but it happens some mornings even without those. It happens occasionally in the mid-day or evenings, too. I can't seem to pin it down to a certain food, but it does happen alot when I'm really hungry.
I should say that I know for sure I'm not pregnant, and I really have never been one to have a sensitive stomach. I've never had, as far as I know, even one single episode of heartburn. People talk about it and I just can't say I've ever had it. I rarely have stomach problems of any kind, including with any type of food (e.g. lactose-intolerance). I'm not even one of those people that gets gaggy at baby diapers. That's why all this nausea seems so unusual. I don't want to complain too loudly because, well, its not all that bothersome. It hasn't caused me to throw up (only to dry-heave only a handful of times), and for the most part hasn't prevented me from going about my life.
I wonder if my band doesn't irritate the inside of my stomach in just a certain place or near a certain nerve that is causing this? I don't really know, and I am not really even concerned enough to call my surgeon. It doesn't seem like a big enough deal.
I need to start losing weight!
Hate that number, don't want to talk about that number.
However, I got my second fill on Saturday (two days ago). My first fill was 2.4 cc's in my 4 cc band. This one was 0.8 cc's additional. 3.2 cc's in my 4 cc band! Of course, it might not actually be that much, as I might have worked some air bubbles out of my band during the last couple weeks.
(I love Darlene Zebley with Fill Centers USA. Her, her son, and her daughter run the Atlanta branch every other Saturday. They are terrific, caring people.)
I am, finally, feeling some restriction. I can eat about half of what I'd normally eat at a meal, which is great. Its not quite where I'd like to be (I'd like to be at the 1/4 - 1/3 cup range), but I'll deal with this for now. I am also getting better about the bandster rules: no liquids at meal time is actually alot harder than I thought. Lately I've been just pounding the water 30 - 60 minutes before a meal to try to stave off the inevitable thirst.
I have been super-restricted in the mornings. I've also been having nausea problems on and off. This morning, for example, I'd planned a protein shake and coffee breakfast, but I was so nauseated on my morning walk and drive in to work, that I decided to cheat a little and have a little wee biscuit first to try to settle my stomach. Well, I got about half of it down but then I sat in my chair at work and slimed like mad for about 30 minutes. Its the most uncomfortable I've been yet, and I've had a couple other slimes. (No real PBs yet.) It passed, and about an hour later I was able to get my coffee and protein shake down.
Okay, the nausea problem. If any of you other bandsters are reading, could you tell me if you've experienced this or heard of it? I had problems with nausea immediately after the surgery, caused by the anasthesia. I thought that was it. But since then, I have had bouts of nausea on and off, several times a week usually. It happens most often in the mornings, but not exclusively. I thought at first it was from the protein shakes I was doing in the mornings, but it happens some mornings even without those. It happens occasionally in the mid-day or evenings, too. I can't seem to pin it down to a certain food, but it does happen alot when I'm really hungry.
I should say that I know for sure I'm not pregnant, and I really have never been one to have a sensitive stomach. I've never had, as far as I know, even one single episode of heartburn. People talk about it and I just can't say I've ever had it. I rarely have stomach problems of any kind, including with any type of food (e.g. lactose-intolerance). I'm not even one of those people that gets gaggy at baby diapers. That's why all this nausea seems so unusual. I don't want to complain too loudly because, well, its not all that bothersome. It hasn't caused me to throw up (only to dry-heave only a handful of times), and for the most part hasn't prevented me from going about my life.
I wonder if my band doesn't irritate the inside of my stomach in just a certain place or near a certain nerve that is causing this? I don't really know, and I am not really even concerned enough to call my surgeon. It doesn't seem like a big enough deal.
I need to start losing weight!
Monday, October 22, 2007
first fill
And... disappointment. I am still not restricted. Last night I had Thai food, a welcome-home night out with my fiance (hee, still get a little thrilled to say that). I had, basically, the same portion I would have had pre-band. This morning, as a test, I had a wee bit of biscuit before my protein-shaked-coffee. I "felt it" more than I did the Thai, but it still went down easy-cheesey. Today, for lunch, a tuna-kit, which, while a small portion, was not the 1/4 cup I'm supposed to be able to eat. So I guess I go back in two weeks.
Friday, October 19, 2007
observations
219.4
1) My hair is falling out. I can no longer deny it. Every time I run my fingers through my hair, I pull out wispy handfuls, an amount that would be equal to what I'd pull out of my hairbrush on a regular morning. My hair is fine, but I have a lot of it. Its also long, about to to the top of the band of my bra in back, and I am afraid I'm going to have to cut it if it thins out considerably.
2) My nausea setpoint is a lot higher since getting the band. I thought, at first, that it was the after effects of the anaesthesia or drinking tons of milk during the protein shake stage, but I am now eight and a half weeks out, and my protein shake intake is no longer a daily occurence. Its not that I walk around nauseated all the time, but now it seems like bad smells, or being tired and hungry make me more nauseated than they used to. And now, I am much more likely to involuntarily heave (though I haven't thrown up since the day after surgery) when I feel nauseated.
3) My first fill (!!!) is tomorrow. I'm offically down 9.8 lbs since the very beginning of this journey, but 6.6 lbs up from my lowest liquid-diet weigh-in. I am hoping that my fill tomorrow will help me keep going in the proper direction. I want to be under 200 by the end of the year. That's essentially 10 weeks (and change), so I need to lose 2 lbs a week to do it. I think I can. Then, after that, there are 12 more weeks until my wedding, and I'd like to lose another 18 in that period: 1.5 lbs per week. Ah, to be in the low 180's! It has been longer than 5 years, probably closer to 7, since I weighed that much.
1) My hair is falling out. I can no longer deny it. Every time I run my fingers through my hair, I pull out wispy handfuls, an amount that would be equal to what I'd pull out of my hairbrush on a regular morning. My hair is fine, but I have a lot of it. Its also long, about to to the top of the band of my bra in back, and I am afraid I'm going to have to cut it if it thins out considerably.
2) My nausea setpoint is a lot higher since getting the band. I thought, at first, that it was the after effects of the anaesthesia or drinking tons of milk during the protein shake stage, but I am now eight and a half weeks out, and my protein shake intake is no longer a daily occurence. Its not that I walk around nauseated all the time, but now it seems like bad smells, or being tired and hungry make me more nauseated than they used to. And now, I am much more likely to involuntarily heave (though I haven't thrown up since the day after surgery) when I feel nauseated.
3) My first fill (!!!) is tomorrow. I'm offically down 9.8 lbs since the very beginning of this journey, but 6.6 lbs up from my lowest liquid-diet weigh-in. I am hoping that my fill tomorrow will help me keep going in the proper direction. I want to be under 200 by the end of the year. That's essentially 10 weeks (and change), so I need to lose 2 lbs a week to do it. I think I can. Then, after that, there are 12 more weeks until my wedding, and I'd like to lose another 18 in that period: 1.5 lbs per week. Ah, to be in the low 180's! It has been longer than 5 years, probably closer to 7, since I weighed that much.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
anxiety, and, i want my fill!
219.8
Finally, back below 220.
The wedding, the wedding. I was doing great for a while, now I am falling behind.
I have a lot of anxiety about things. I have a lot of feelings of inadequacy around my ability to manage the whole endeavor. Probably the thing that I am most ashamed of (and therefore completely unable to discuss with real life friends) is the weight issue.
I hate that I am so "ohmigod I have to be skinny on my SPECIAL DAAAAAAY!!!" about this.
Three weeks before I got engaged, I had my lap-band surgery. I can expect-- with hard work-- to lose maybe 20 to 30 lbs before my March 2008 wedding.
The recovery has been harder for me than I expected, physically and mentally. The behaviors that I have developed over years of emotional eating are still there.
Here's what I am freaking out about:
1) I kinda wish I had had longer to adjust to the band itself and lose some weight before getting engaged. I do not regret getting engaged; I just wish the timing had not overlapped like it did, just for my own personal sanity.
2) I have only told a very, very small handful of people about the surgery (fiance included, of course). So I don't really have the ability to vent much about it.
3) I am afraid that I will "fail" to lose enough weight to meet expectations before the wedding. I mean not just my expectations, but those of the few people (sister, two girlfriends, fiance) who know about it.
4) I am also afraid, in a way, to lose so much weight that the dress I bought will be a mess. It is coming in in January for my late-March wedding, and the bridal tailor told me not to try to lose weight, and now I fear that losing weight will wreck the dress and it won't fit me right.
5) I am afraid that no matter how much weight I will lose, I will still hate my appearance, still shy away from cameras on my wedding day and never be able to look back and have happy memories of the day, only shame and regret.
Finally, back below 220.
The wedding, the wedding. I was doing great for a while, now I am falling behind.
I have a lot of anxiety about things. I have a lot of feelings of inadequacy around my ability to manage the whole endeavor. Probably the thing that I am most ashamed of (and therefore completely unable to discuss with real life friends) is the weight issue.
I hate that I am so "ohmigod I have to be skinny on my SPECIAL DAAAAAAY!!!" about this.
Three weeks before I got engaged, I had my lap-band surgery. I can expect-- with hard work-- to lose maybe 20 to 30 lbs before my March 2008 wedding.
The recovery has been harder for me than I expected, physically and mentally. The behaviors that I have developed over years of emotional eating are still there.
Here's what I am freaking out about:
1) I kinda wish I had had longer to adjust to the band itself and lose some weight before getting engaged. I do not regret getting engaged; I just wish the timing had not overlapped like it did, just for my own personal sanity.
2) I have only told a very, very small handful of people about the surgery (fiance included, of course). So I don't really have the ability to vent much about it.
3) I am afraid that I will "fail" to lose enough weight to meet expectations before the wedding. I mean not just my expectations, but those of the few people (sister, two girlfriends, fiance) who know about it.
4) I am also afraid, in a way, to lose so much weight that the dress I bought will be a mess. It is coming in in January for my late-March wedding, and the bridal tailor told me not to try to lose weight, and now I fear that losing weight will wreck the dress and it won't fit me right.
5) I am afraid that no matter how much weight I will lose, I will still hate my appearance, still shy away from cameras on my wedding day and never be able to look back and have happy memories of the day, only shame and regret.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
cheap protein sources
For 100 calories:
canned lite white or albacore tuna (about 3 oz.) - 22 g
fresh raw tuna (about 3.3 oz) - 22 g
egg whites (about 3/4 cup raw) - 21 g
white fish like cod, tilapia (about 3.5 - 4.5 oz. raw) - 21 g
Egg Beaters original (about 3/4 cup and 1 Tbsp raw) - 20 g
boneless, skinless chicken breast (about 3.33 oz. raw) - 20 g
Unjury protein powder (one scoop) - 20 g
shrimp (about 3.33 oz. raw) - 19 g
lite firm tofu (about 7 oz. raw) - 18 g
salmon (about 3 oz. raw) - 17 g
1% milkfat cottage cheese (about 2/3 cup) - 17 g
A lot of the "traditional" protein sources that we think about-- milk, beef, cheese, yogurt-- have varying levels of fat and other nutritionals in them that bump up the calorie count for a specific serving, making them, although excellent protein sources, not on my list of "cheapies." Feel free to research and enlighten me to others. I do a lot of my nutritional research using the huge, free database at CalorieKing.
canned lite white or albacore tuna (about 3 oz.) - 22 g
fresh raw tuna (about 3.3 oz) - 22 g
egg whites (about 3/4 cup raw) - 21 g
white fish like cod, tilapia (about 3.5 - 4.5 oz. raw) - 21 g
Egg Beaters original (about 3/4 cup and 1 Tbsp raw) - 20 g
boneless, skinless chicken breast (about 3.33 oz. raw) - 20 g
Unjury protein powder (one scoop) - 20 g
shrimp (about 3.33 oz. raw) - 19 g
lite firm tofu (about 7 oz. raw) - 18 g
salmon (about 3 oz. raw) - 17 g
1% milkfat cottage cheese (about 2/3 cup) - 17 g
A lot of the "traditional" protein sources that we think about-- milk, beef, cheese, yogurt-- have varying levels of fat and other nutritionals in them that bump up the calorie count for a specific serving, making them, although excellent protein sources, not on my list of "cheapies." Feel free to research and enlighten me to others. I do a lot of my nutritional research using the huge, free database at CalorieKing.
i love the cold mornings
221.0
I love when the cold mornings set in. Fall and Spring are my favorite seasons because I love the transition and contrast: I love going from see-your-breath cold to short-sleeves-and-flip-flops warm all in one day. It makes me feel alive.
This morning is the first day I have run since my surgery. I have been too chicken to do it, because I so hate finding out just how much fitness I've lost after a long-- in this case, rounding on 8 weeks-- break. Also, the last three weeks of my life have been really personally stressful in a way that has robbed me of nearly all of my free time. So sleeping a little extra in the morning, after being up until 2 or 3 a.m., has been part of my excuse.
I ran the better part of two miles and then walked my dog another mile. The cold air, predictably, burned in my lungs but things like that are "good pain" to me. I did realize that I'll probably want to go get a couple long-sleeve tees cheap at Target to run in. Last winter I was laid up inside starting right about now until March because of a series of problems: a pulled Achilles, a wretched bout of strep, and then an even worse case of the hives. This winter none of those things will put me out of the game. That is my goal: to run all winter.
I didn't run the Army Ten-Miler last weekend, as I had planned to do all year long, since running it last year. I can't describe how frustrated and humiliated I was, sitting by the finish line, waiting for my friends to finish. I wanted to be running with them, pulling down a better time than the year before. I have, since my running career started in early 2006, completed exactly four races: three 5k's and that one Army Ten-Miler. I have, however, signed up for three races that I didn't make it to: the November 2006 Silver Comet Half-Marathon, the January 2007 Disney Half-Marathon, and now, the October 2007 Army Ten-Miler. Each race I've missed still rankles me. I really, really want to run at least one half-marathon, just to say I did it. At least once.
However, it seems that setting a goal on a particular half-marathon (and then missing it) has just demoralized me. So I am just going to focus on getting into half-marathon shape and not set my sights on a particular race right now.
So, 2 miles this morning running, 1 mile walking. I'm going to add another mile to that total tonight when I walk my dog again. And count my calories today.
I also am getting more and more anxious about losing weight for the wedding. I have done really well in the last week, since getting home from DC-- with the exception of yesterday, eating out both lunch and dinner-- of staying around 1,000 calories and focusing on getting protein in. I want very badly to like my appearance enough on my wedding to not cringe in every photograph like I do now.
I am not a normally vain girl. My haircuts are always very utilitarian and my morning beauty routine is: brush teeth, shower, blowdry hair half-dry (e.g. leave the ends damp to prevent damage), deoderant & perfume, dress. I don't wear make-up and my hair is long but I don't fuss with it at all. The only reason I dry it is that its relatively thick, which means it takes most of the day to air-dry and my office environment, being business-casual, wouldn't really tolerate that.
I also don't dye my naturally medium-blonde hair. When I get it cut, which is about once a year, I just get a couple inches hacked off and keep it long and blunt. But my sister-- who has gorgeous, thick, wavy, chesnut-brown hair-- has been working on me lately about needing a more stylish cut and color for my wedding. My pragmatic side doesn't want to fall for it, but part of me really wants to be pretty, just the one time.
So, here's my goal: to get under 200 lbs. by the end of the year, and to reward myself with a cut-and-color appointment at a very hip, very well-reviewed salon in my city: Adore. I have two and a half months to accomplish this goal, and my first fill is a week from today! I think it can be done. I will be thrilled with myself if I can get there.
Morning exercise:
2 miles running, 1 mile walking: ~450 calories burned
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein
16 oz. coffee (cooled slightly) - 0 cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
4 oz. shrimp, sauteed with garlic, 1 tsp olive oil, broccoli - 257 cals, 30.2 g protein
Snack:
1/2 cup Mayfield lowfat cottage cheese - 80 cals, 12 g of protein
Dinner:
homemade chicken, onion, mushroom & 1/2 cup rice lettuce wraps - 591 cals, 45.3 g protein
Evening exercise:
1 mile walking ~ 150 cals
Total: 1,063 cals, 108 g of protein
Deficit: 1,306 cals
I love when the cold mornings set in. Fall and Spring are my favorite seasons because I love the transition and contrast: I love going from see-your-breath cold to short-sleeves-and-flip-flops warm all in one day. It makes me feel alive.
This morning is the first day I have run since my surgery. I have been too chicken to do it, because I so hate finding out just how much fitness I've lost after a long-- in this case, rounding on 8 weeks-- break. Also, the last three weeks of my life have been really personally stressful in a way that has robbed me of nearly all of my free time. So sleeping a little extra in the morning, after being up until 2 or 3 a.m., has been part of my excuse.
I ran the better part of two miles and then walked my dog another mile. The cold air, predictably, burned in my lungs but things like that are "good pain" to me. I did realize that I'll probably want to go get a couple long-sleeve tees cheap at Target to run in. Last winter I was laid up inside starting right about now until March because of a series of problems: a pulled Achilles, a wretched bout of strep, and then an even worse case of the hives. This winter none of those things will put me out of the game. That is my goal: to run all winter.
I didn't run the Army Ten-Miler last weekend, as I had planned to do all year long, since running it last year. I can't describe how frustrated and humiliated I was, sitting by the finish line, waiting for my friends to finish. I wanted to be running with them, pulling down a better time than the year before. I have, since my running career started in early 2006, completed exactly four races: three 5k's and that one Army Ten-Miler. I have, however, signed up for three races that I didn't make it to: the November 2006 Silver Comet Half-Marathon, the January 2007 Disney Half-Marathon, and now, the October 2007 Army Ten-Miler. Each race I've missed still rankles me. I really, really want to run at least one half-marathon, just to say I did it. At least once.
However, it seems that setting a goal on a particular half-marathon (and then missing it) has just demoralized me. So I am just going to focus on getting into half-marathon shape and not set my sights on a particular race right now.
So, 2 miles this morning running, 1 mile walking. I'm going to add another mile to that total tonight when I walk my dog again. And count my calories today.
I also am getting more and more anxious about losing weight for the wedding. I have done really well in the last week, since getting home from DC-- with the exception of yesterday, eating out both lunch and dinner-- of staying around 1,000 calories and focusing on getting protein in. I want very badly to like my appearance enough on my wedding to not cringe in every photograph like I do now.
I am not a normally vain girl. My haircuts are always very utilitarian and my morning beauty routine is: brush teeth, shower, blowdry hair half-dry (e.g. leave the ends damp to prevent damage), deoderant & perfume, dress. I don't wear make-up and my hair is long but I don't fuss with it at all. The only reason I dry it is that its relatively thick, which means it takes most of the day to air-dry and my office environment, being business-casual, wouldn't really tolerate that.
I also don't dye my naturally medium-blonde hair. When I get it cut, which is about once a year, I just get a couple inches hacked off and keep it long and blunt. But my sister-- who has gorgeous, thick, wavy, chesnut-brown hair-- has been working on me lately about needing a more stylish cut and color for my wedding. My pragmatic side doesn't want to fall for it, but part of me really wants to be pretty, just the one time.
So, here's my goal: to get under 200 lbs. by the end of the year, and to reward myself with a cut-and-color appointment at a very hip, very well-reviewed salon in my city: Adore. I have two and a half months to accomplish this goal, and my first fill is a week from today! I think it can be done. I will be thrilled with myself if I can get there.
Morning exercise:
2 miles running, 1 mile walking: ~450 calories burned
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein
16 oz. coffee (cooled slightly) - 0 cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
4 oz. shrimp, sauteed with garlic, 1 tsp olive oil, broccoli - 257 cals, 30.2 g protein
Snack:
1/2 cup Mayfield lowfat cottage cheese - 80 cals, 12 g of protein
Dinner:
homemade chicken, onion, mushroom & 1/2 cup rice lettuce wraps - 591 cals, 45.3 g protein
Evening exercise:
1 mile walking ~ 150 cals
Total: 1,063 cals, 108 g of protein
Deficit: 1,306 cals
Thursday, October 11, 2007
i hate lean cuisines
221.4
For whatever reason, that Lean Cuisine-- which packs slightly more protein and calories-- isn't holding me over, hunger-wise, like the tuna kits have for the past couple of days. I'm a little grumpy, a little tired from working until 10:30 p.m. last night: a 14-hour day. Tonight I have some leftover lettuce wraps. I really, really need to go to the grocery store. Maybe on the way home tonight.
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein
16 oz. mocha java coffee (cooled slightly) - o cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
1 chicken in peanut sauce Lean Cuisine - 280 cals, 22 g protein
Snack:
1 Weight Watchers fat-free blueberry yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
Dinner:
TBD
Total: 515 cals, 48.5 g protein
For whatever reason, that Lean Cuisine-- which packs slightly more protein and calories-- isn't holding me over, hunger-wise, like the tuna kits have for the past couple of days. I'm a little grumpy, a little tired from working until 10:30 p.m. last night: a 14-hour day. Tonight I have some leftover lettuce wraps. I really, really need to go to the grocery store. Maybe on the way home tonight.
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein
16 oz. mocha java coffee (cooled slightly) - o cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
1 chicken in peanut sauce Lean Cuisine - 280 cals, 22 g protein
Snack:
1 Weight Watchers fat-free blueberry yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
Dinner:
TBD
Total: 515 cals, 48.5 g protein
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
i passed up cake, people: good, fancy bakery cake
220.8
The actual only reason I am bothering to blog today is to report that we had cake at the office for October birthdays-- we get them every month from a fantastically good local bakery-- and I passed it up. Good cake, people, and I didn't have a tiny morsel. I haven't cruised past to look at what I'm missing.
Today is going to look alot like yesteday, except that I have to work late, which probably means ordering in (eep).
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein16 oz.
mocha java coffee (cooled slightly) - o cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
1 Starkist albacore tuna kit (tuna, reduced calorie mayonnaise, relish, crackers) - 250 cals, 19 g protein
Snack:
1 Weight Watchers fat-free vanilla yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
Dinner:
Jason's Deli turkey reuben - 437 cals, 38 g of protein
fresh fruit cup - 50 cals, 0 g protein
Total: 972 cals, 83.5 g protein
The actual only reason I am bothering to blog today is to report that we had cake at the office for October birthdays-- we get them every month from a fantastically good local bakery-- and I passed it up. Good cake, people, and I didn't have a tiny morsel. I haven't cruised past to look at what I'm missing.
Today is going to look alot like yesteday, except that I have to work late, which probably means ordering in (eep).
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein16 oz.
mocha java coffee (cooled slightly) - o cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
1 Starkist albacore tuna kit (tuna, reduced calorie mayonnaise, relish, crackers) - 250 cals, 19 g protein
Snack:
1 Weight Watchers fat-free vanilla yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
Dinner:
Jason's Deli turkey reuben - 437 cals, 38 g of protein
fresh fruit cup - 50 cals, 0 g protein
Total: 972 cals, 83.5 g protein
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
hating myself
222.8
Today, even though I hate myself, I am Officially Trying. I got back from a weekend trip to Washington, D.C. to visit with (not fat) married friends. The weekend, as usual, left me vaguely depressed. I felt huge and fat the whole time, ashamed to be eating in front of them. My girlfriend knows I had the "lapdance" and, I guess, expected me to already be having the restricted appetite-- completely untrue as I haven't had a fill.
She also arranged a big dinner, with 8 people, at Fogo de Chao, which was basically the last thing on earth I wanted to do. I don't care for all-you-can-eat restaurants to begin with, and it was expensive-- $75! And I only had one drink, and water with dinner elsewise. I tried not to stuff myself-- I just grazed-- and I was pleased that when I looked around the table, everyone else was eating more than me, usually lots and lots more. So I don't feel like a total failure. But the truth is, the total of the calories I took in the other night is probably horrific.
I am recovering from that, and trying to "be bandy" today. That means:
* trying for 65 grams of protein
* staying under 1,000 calories
* not drinking with meals
* eating protein first, then fruits & veggies
* getting exercise in
* getting 6+ cups of water and decaf tea in
* minimizing sugar and sweetened treats
I didn't, truth be told, get up and run this morning. I have had a lot of "morning dread" lately: dreading going into work, dreading getting on the scale (which I am compelled to do), dreading failing at my diet all day long because I am weak, weak, weak. I am picking up my dog from my sister this evening, and we will definitely get a good long walk in together. I know he misses me and I miss him, and the regular rhythm of our daily (sometimes twice-daily) walks.
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein
16 oz. mocha java coffee (cooled slightly) - o cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
1 Starkist albacore tuna kit (tuna, reduced calorie mayonnaise, relish, crackers) - 250 cals, 19 g protein
Snack:
1 Weight Watchers fat-free strawberry yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
Dinner:
homemade chicken stir-fry with 1/2 cup white rice, 1 cup broccoli
Total: 1,076 cals, 90.8 g protein
For dinner I am thinking either a chicken breast, grilled, with some frozen veggies from the freezer. I don't think I have any brown rice left, but I do have some whole wheat pasta. I dunno. I might try to make myself go without a starch, that's hard for me, though. Or maybe I will do a stir-fry with frozen veggies. I also have some shrimp in the freezer and I have been a little sick of chicken lately. But in any case, I have what I need at home, so that's good.
Instead of the above, I made a chicken stir-fry loosely based on this recipe for shrimp lettuce wraps, recommended to me by a friend. I didn't have orange marmalade, so I subbed in apricot preserves. I also used 1 heaping teaspoon of red pepper flakes instead of the regular pepper. I didn't have any lettuce, either, so I mixed the cooked chicken up with a cup of steamed broccoli and slapped in a half-cup of white rice. It was good, if a little salty. I imagine that loaded into a lettuce leaf, it would have been perfect.
Today, even though I hate myself, I am Officially Trying. I got back from a weekend trip to Washington, D.C. to visit with (not fat) married friends. The weekend, as usual, left me vaguely depressed. I felt huge and fat the whole time, ashamed to be eating in front of them. My girlfriend knows I had the "lapdance" and, I guess, expected me to already be having the restricted appetite-- completely untrue as I haven't had a fill.
She also arranged a big dinner, with 8 people, at Fogo de Chao, which was basically the last thing on earth I wanted to do. I don't care for all-you-can-eat restaurants to begin with, and it was expensive-- $75! And I only had one drink, and water with dinner elsewise. I tried not to stuff myself-- I just grazed-- and I was pleased that when I looked around the table, everyone else was eating more than me, usually lots and lots more. So I don't feel like a total failure. But the truth is, the total of the calories I took in the other night is probably horrific.
I am recovering from that, and trying to "be bandy" today. That means:
* trying for 65 grams of protein
* staying under 1,000 calories
* not drinking with meals
* eating protein first, then fruits & veggies
* getting exercise in
* getting 6+ cups of water and decaf tea in
* minimizing sugar and sweetened treats
I didn't, truth be told, get up and run this morning. I have had a lot of "morning dread" lately: dreading going into work, dreading getting on the scale (which I am compelled to do), dreading failing at my diet all day long because I am weak, weak, weak. I am picking up my dog from my sister this evening, and we will definitely get a good long walk in together. I know he misses me and I miss him, and the regular rhythm of our daily (sometimes twice-daily) walks.
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein
16 oz. mocha java coffee (cooled slightly) - o cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
1 Starkist albacore tuna kit (tuna, reduced calorie mayonnaise, relish, crackers) - 250 cals, 19 g protein
Snack:
1 Weight Watchers fat-free strawberry yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
Dinner:
homemade chicken stir-fry with 1/2 cup white rice, 1 cup broccoli
Total: 1,076 cals, 90.8 g protein
For dinner I am thinking either a chicken breast, grilled, with some frozen veggies from the freezer. I don't think I have any brown rice left, but I do have some whole wheat pasta. I dunno. I might try to make myself go without a starch, that's hard for me, though. Or maybe I will do a stir-fry with frozen veggies. I also have some shrimp in the freezer and I have been a little sick of chicken lately. But in any case, I have what I need at home, so that's good.
Instead of the above, I made a chicken stir-fry loosely based on this recipe for shrimp lettuce wraps, recommended to me by a friend. I didn't have orange marmalade, so I subbed in apricot preserves. I also used 1 heaping teaspoon of red pepper flakes instead of the regular pepper. I didn't have any lettuce, either, so I mixed the cooked chicken up with a cup of steamed broccoli and slapped in a half-cup of white rice. It was good, if a little salty. I imagine that loaded into a lettuce leaf, it would have been perfect.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
first fill scheduled
October 20th, 11:40 a.m. That's two and a half weeks away. I hope I can retain my sanity-- and at least my 8-lb net loss-- until then.
6 weeks out
221.0
Well, technically, tomorrow is the 6-week marker for me. I forced myself onto the scale this morning-- I've gained back 8 lbs of the 16 I lost between the pre-op and post-op diets.
I want to just throw myself under a bus, I am so depressed about that. I feel like I'm sliding back into old habits, like I am throwing away that $10,000 opportunity that I gave myself. My wedding, also, is 172 days away and I don't care how cliche it is-- I hate that I'm not super-motivated by that and busting ass at the gym 2 hours a day.
To be fair to myself: I've been eating a lot of salads and Lean Cuisines and lean protein. I've also been working insane hours (2 or 3 a.m. most of last week), and a family friend died last week. It was not unexpected, but death is never expected. I spent a good part of the last week taking care of the family as much as I could. Those things, work + funeral, meant that I didn't get any running and very, very little walking done last week (my dog hates me).
I can get my fill as early as tomorrow. However, I am planning on using Fill Centers USA and I've heard that they only have services on Saturdays in Atlanta. This coming weekend I'm going to D.C. to visit with friends, so it'll have to be next weekend. I really need to get on the stick and call and schedule an appointment! I need a fill!
I was supposed to run the Army Ten Miler in D.C. this weekend with my friends. As it turned out, my surgery was right at a critical time for me to build mileage, and then after my three-week no-running restriction was lifted, I immediately came down with a stupid cold. Stupid enough to put me out for a week. And then last week happened, with my friend's family crisis, and my boss threatening things like "no promotion" and "a Performance Improvement Plan" if I didn't bust my ass and make all my deadlines anyway. And now I'm at today, five days from the race. I could do it if it were a 5k (3 miles) but I'm just asking for pain and to be very, very sorry afterwards if I tried to do the 10 miler. I know my friends will be disappointed, but I just can't do it.
Part of me is so depressed about this that I want to fall headfirst into a pint of Haagen-Daas after a severe pizza bender. Believe it or not, I've stayed away from ice cream (a major, major binge trigger for me), and though I've had pizza and some other "bad" things, I really haven't gone overboard. In fact, I've been eating less than I usually do, and it kills me that I've gained! Eight! Pounds!
As far as restriction goes, I don't have much. I do have to eat slower, take smaller bites, chew more thoroughly. If I'm not careful with things like thick bread or a big hunk of chicken, I get a "golf ball" feeling but it passes. I do seem to be able to stay fuller longer, but its not like, two bites of a sandwich and I'm good all day. Its more like, I eat 3/4 of what I'd normally eat and can go an extra 2 hours between meals without getting all tummy-rumbly and grumpy.
Well, technically, tomorrow is the 6-week marker for me. I forced myself onto the scale this morning-- I've gained back 8 lbs of the 16 I lost between the pre-op and post-op diets.
I want to just throw myself under a bus, I am so depressed about that. I feel like I'm sliding back into old habits, like I am throwing away that $10,000 opportunity that I gave myself. My wedding, also, is 172 days away and I don't care how cliche it is-- I hate that I'm not super-motivated by that and busting ass at the gym 2 hours a day.
To be fair to myself: I've been eating a lot of salads and Lean Cuisines and lean protein. I've also been working insane hours (2 or 3 a.m. most of last week), and a family friend died last week. It was not unexpected, but death is never expected. I spent a good part of the last week taking care of the family as much as I could. Those things, work + funeral, meant that I didn't get any running and very, very little walking done last week (my dog hates me).
I can get my fill as early as tomorrow. However, I am planning on using Fill Centers USA and I've heard that they only have services on Saturdays in Atlanta. This coming weekend I'm going to D.C. to visit with friends, so it'll have to be next weekend. I really need to get on the stick and call and schedule an appointment! I need a fill!
I was supposed to run the Army Ten Miler in D.C. this weekend with my friends. As it turned out, my surgery was right at a critical time for me to build mileage, and then after my three-week no-running restriction was lifted, I immediately came down with a stupid cold. Stupid enough to put me out for a week. And then last week happened, with my friend's family crisis, and my boss threatening things like "no promotion" and "a Performance Improvement Plan" if I didn't bust my ass and make all my deadlines anyway. And now I'm at today, five days from the race. I could do it if it were a 5k (3 miles) but I'm just asking for pain and to be very, very sorry afterwards if I tried to do the 10 miler. I know my friends will be disappointed, but I just can't do it.
Part of me is so depressed about this that I want to fall headfirst into a pint of Haagen-Daas after a severe pizza bender. Believe it or not, I've stayed away from ice cream (a major, major binge trigger for me), and though I've had pizza and some other "bad" things, I really haven't gone overboard. In fact, I've been eating less than I usually do, and it kills me that I've gained! Eight! Pounds!
As far as restriction goes, I don't have much. I do have to eat slower, take smaller bites, chew more thoroughly. If I'm not careful with things like thick bread or a big hunk of chicken, I get a "golf ball" feeling but it passes. I do seem to be able to stay fuller longer, but its not like, two bites of a sandwich and I'm good all day. Its more like, I eat 3/4 of what I'd normally eat and can go an extra 2 hours between meals without getting all tummy-rumbly and grumpy.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
i'm still alive: day 23
217.0
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Gained 4 lbs since I have started eating solid foods. I know that at least some of that is just having solid food in my digestive tract, but part of me keeps screaming, "Here we go again! Back to fatty land! Man you suck!"
Argh. Its tough, being able to eat again, especially since I'm oh-so-hungry. I have a teeny bit of restriction-- I notice, for example, that "golf ball" feeling I've read about when I take bites that are too large or if I don't chew each bite well enough. However, I am able to eat basically my regular amount if I chew alot, take smaller bites, and eat slowly in general.
I've also been freed to be able to run again, but I haven't yet. I spent a long weekend at my future in-laws last weekend, and since I have gotten back, I have been swamped at work, and swamped with wedding planning. I hate to be a cliche, but it appears that wedding planning is stressful, and it does seem to take up much more of my free time than I thought it would. And I am still in the "trying to pick a place and a date stage!" Frustratingly, I've had so many competing schedules to juggle that I'm not pleased at all with the date I think I'm going to have to go with: March 22, 2008. That gives me just a little over 6 months to lose weight, not to mention its in a "risky" month for an outdoor wedding. Eek.
I am hiding in a conference room to avoid people that are mad at me for not working fast enough. So today I took a 2.5 hour lunch break to go to a special Vera Bradley outlet sale where I got a bunch of cool stuff that my wedding budget is going to be angry about. And now I'll be at work all night to make up for that lunch break. Smart.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Gained 4 lbs since I have started eating solid foods. I know that at least some of that is just having solid food in my digestive tract, but part of me keeps screaming, "Here we go again! Back to fatty land! Man you suck!"
Argh. Its tough, being able to eat again, especially since I'm oh-so-hungry. I have a teeny bit of restriction-- I notice, for example, that "golf ball" feeling I've read about when I take bites that are too large or if I don't chew each bite well enough. However, I am able to eat basically my regular amount if I chew alot, take smaller bites, and eat slowly in general.
I've also been freed to be able to run again, but I haven't yet. I spent a long weekend at my future in-laws last weekend, and since I have gotten back, I have been swamped at work, and swamped with wedding planning. I hate to be a cliche, but it appears that wedding planning is stressful, and it does seem to take up much more of my free time than I thought it would. And I am still in the "trying to pick a place and a date stage!" Frustratingly, I've had so many competing schedules to juggle that I'm not pleased at all with the date I think I'm going to have to go with: March 22, 2008. That gives me just a little over 6 months to lose weight, not to mention its in a "risky" month for an outdoor wedding. Eek.
I am hiding in a conference room to avoid people that are mad at me for not working fast enough. So today I took a 2.5 hour lunch break to go to a special Vera Bradley outlet sale where I got a bunch of cool stuff that my wedding budget is going to be angry about. And now I'll be at work all night to make up for that lunch break. Smart.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
back to it: day 15
212.8
Wow, 16.2 lbs gone now. I am feeling better, too. Loads better. I am anxious to start running again and hopeful that my loss will continue, of course at a slower pace, when I do get to start eating solid foods again.
Yesterday I had a milk + chocolate Unjury shake for breakfast (220 cals), 1 cup of broccoli cheese soup at Corner Bakery (310 cals) plus a little bit of the inside of a roll (~100 cals). At supper I had a cup of butternut squash soup (90 cals) and a teensy, half-cup scoop of Breyer's Light Double-Churned vanilla ice cream (100 cals). Total: 820 calories.
Today I've had a milk + chocolate Unjury shake for breakfast (220 cals) and 1 cup of that super delicious baked potato soup (329 cals). I've not planned supper yet, although I do have loads of soups left at home.
All my Dermabond "bandages" have fallen off now. My four small incisions are basically all healed, and I am trying to remember to put Mederma on them daily. My large incision still has a ways to go, but it is definitely on the right track. It is still painful to hard pressure, but I've been feeling it daily and I have found the port (I think). The muscle is still swollen so I have a little "ridge" under there, too.
I have been struggling on and off with nausea. I don't know if its leftover from the surgery, from my still-limited caloric intake, or from consuming soooo much dairy. I have never had true lactose intolerance, though my sister does, but I am also not used to consuming milk daily or even weekly. Generally I have yogurt a couple times a week, or soy milk with cereal, but I've been kicking back lots of cow's milk lately in my shakes, smoothies, and soups. I've also been garnishing soups with reduced-fat sour cream and cheeses.
But, I'm still losing, hurrah!
And I'm busy planning a wedding. God, that seems so weird to say. I am tentatively thinking of early to mid-April, and once I do set a date and get a venue booked, I am going to set a goal weight loss for that date. I am thinking maybe 47 lbs on top of the 16 I've already lost. That would 165, a number I have not seen in many, many years.
Wow, 16.2 lbs gone now. I am feeling better, too. Loads better. I am anxious to start running again and hopeful that my loss will continue, of course at a slower pace, when I do get to start eating solid foods again.
Yesterday I had a milk + chocolate Unjury shake for breakfast (220 cals), 1 cup of broccoli cheese soup at Corner Bakery (310 cals) plus a little bit of the inside of a roll (~100 cals). At supper I had a cup of butternut squash soup (90 cals) and a teensy, half-cup scoop of Breyer's Light Double-Churned vanilla ice cream (100 cals). Total: 820 calories.
Today I've had a milk + chocolate Unjury shake for breakfast (220 cals) and 1 cup of that super delicious baked potato soup (329 cals). I've not planned supper yet, although I do have loads of soups left at home.
All my Dermabond "bandages" have fallen off now. My four small incisions are basically all healed, and I am trying to remember to put Mederma on them daily. My large incision still has a ways to go, but it is definitely on the right track. It is still painful to hard pressure, but I've been feeling it daily and I have found the port (I think). The muscle is still swollen so I have a little "ridge" under there, too.
I have been struggling on and off with nausea. I don't know if its leftover from the surgery, from my still-limited caloric intake, or from consuming soooo much dairy. I have never had true lactose intolerance, though my sister does, but I am also not used to consuming milk daily or even weekly. Generally I have yogurt a couple times a week, or soy milk with cereal, but I've been kicking back lots of cow's milk lately in my shakes, smoothies, and soups. I've also been garnishing soups with reduced-fat sour cream and cheeses.
But, I'm still losing, hurrah!
And I'm busy planning a wedding. God, that seems so weird to say. I am tentatively thinking of early to mid-April, and once I do set a date and get a venue booked, I am going to set a goal weight loss for that date. I am thinking maybe 47 lbs on top of the 16 I've already lost. That would 165, a number I have not seen in many, many years.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
official
M and I became officially engaged last night!
It was really fun, and romantic, and I'm totally giddy today. So giddy, in fact, that I forgot to weigh myself this morning.
Oh my. There's going to be a rip in the fabric of space-time. Reality is going to come crashing down around my ears.
I have no official word yet on the actual date, but I'm thinking late March or early to mid-April. My friends' scheduling requests are already pouring in so its getting harder and harder, but I am actually having a small wedding (probably 50 - 75) so I am trying to be accomodating. No decisions have been made.
Okay, back to my regularly scheduled programming.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
baked potato soup
4 baking potatoes (about 2 1/2 pounds)
2/3 cup all-purpose flour (about 3 ounces)
6 cups 2% milk
1 cup (4 ounces) reduced-fat shredded extrasharp cheddar cheese, divided
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper (I had ground white pepper so that's what I used)
1 cup reduced-fat sour cream
3/4 cup chopped green onions, divided (I omitted)
6 bacon slices, cooked and crumbled (I omitted)
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Pierce potatoes with a fork, bake at 400 degrees for 1 hour or until tender. Cool. Peel potatoes, coarsely mash.
(I didn't want to take the time to do this. I peeled and quartered the potatoes, and boiled them on the stovetop in well-salted water. This also made them a lot moister and, I think, easier to mash into oblivion. However, I think this recipe would work awesome with leftover baked potatoes from a previous evening or, for bandsters, on a night when they are baking potatoes for their families.)
2. Lightly spoon flour into a dry measuring cup; level with a knife. Place flour in a large Dutch oven; gradually add milk, stirring with a whisk until blended. Cook over medium heat until thick and bubbly, about 8 minutes. Add mashed potatoes, 3/4 cup cheese, salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper, stirring until cheese melts. Remove from heat.
3. Stir in sour cream and 1/2 cup onions. Cook over low heat 10 minutes or until thoroughly heated (do not boil). Ladle 1 1/2 cups soup into each of 8 bowls. Sprinkle each serving with 1 1/2 teaspoons cheese, 1 1/2 teaspoons onions, and about 1 tablespoon bacon. Garnish with cracked pepper.
Yield: 8 servings
(I made a half-recipe as M does not care for soup. I had it for dinner last night and lunch today and I haven't even eaten a whole serving yet.)
Calories: 329 (30% from fat)
Fat: 10.8 g (sat 5.9 g, mono 3.5 g, poly 0.7 g)
Carb: 44.5 g
Protein: 13.6 g
Fiber: 2.8 g
Chol: 38 mg
Iron: 1.1 mg
Sodium: 587 mg
Calc: 407 mg
Stolen from September 2007 Cooking Light issue, page 140.
2/3 cup all-purpose flour (about 3 ounces)
6 cups 2% milk
1 cup (4 ounces) reduced-fat shredded extrasharp cheddar cheese, divided
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper (I had ground white pepper so that's what I used)
1 cup reduced-fat sour cream
3/4 cup chopped green onions, divided (I omitted)
6 bacon slices, cooked and crumbled (I omitted)
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Pierce potatoes with a fork, bake at 400 degrees for 1 hour or until tender. Cool. Peel potatoes, coarsely mash.
(I didn't want to take the time to do this. I peeled and quartered the potatoes, and boiled them on the stovetop in well-salted water. This also made them a lot moister and, I think, easier to mash into oblivion. However, I think this recipe would work awesome with leftover baked potatoes from a previous evening or, for bandsters, on a night when they are baking potatoes for their families.)
2. Lightly spoon flour into a dry measuring cup; level with a knife. Place flour in a large Dutch oven; gradually add milk, stirring with a whisk until blended. Cook over medium heat until thick and bubbly, about 8 minutes. Add mashed potatoes, 3/4 cup cheese, salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper, stirring until cheese melts. Remove from heat.
3. Stir in sour cream and 1/2 cup onions. Cook over low heat 10 minutes or until thoroughly heated (do not boil). Ladle 1 1/2 cups soup into each of 8 bowls. Sprinkle each serving with 1 1/2 teaspoons cheese, 1 1/2 teaspoons onions, and about 1 tablespoon bacon. Garnish with cracked pepper.
Yield: 8 servings
(I made a half-recipe as M does not care for soup. I had it for dinner last night and lunch today and I haven't even eaten a whole serving yet.)
Calories: 329 (30% from fat)
Fat: 10.8 g (sat 5.9 g, mono 3.5 g, poly 0.7 g)
Carb: 44.5 g
Protein: 13.6 g
Fiber: 2.8 g
Chol: 38 mg
Iron: 1.1 mg
Sodium: 587 mg
Calc: 407 mg
Stolen from September 2007 Cooking Light issue, page 140.
been naughty: day 12
214.4
First of all, this is the third day in a row that I've weighed in at exactly that. I am frustrated that I am still consuming so far below 1,000 calories (up to about 800 a day now) and my loss has stalled. I'm also not working out yet, so I'm hoping that once I'm healed, I can eat that little, but workout and still lose.
I have to confess, because I feel very naughty. M bought me some Edy's Double Churned Light caramel ice cream, 130 calories per half-cup serving. I've had a half-cup serving the last two nights. But even worse: last night we went to see The Bourne Ultimatum early, at 6:30 p.m. When we got out at 8:30 p.m. we were both really hungry. We stopped at Moe's so M could get a burrito. Moe's chips and cheese dip have always been an irresistable draw for me and... I have to confess... I ate some teensy tiny bits of soft flour tortilla, dipped in the cheese dip, and chewed to paste. I was so hungry. Now, of course, in true Yo-Yo Dieter fashion, my "all or nothing" thinking has kicked in and I'm petrified that I've Ruined Everything and Slipped My Band and Now You'll Always Be Fat Because You Have No Willpower, You Giant Waste of Skin.
Ugh. I'm trying to move on, I really am. I am eating my full liquids and trying not to worry myself into a nervous breakdown.
On a positive note, I've been getting really close to 60 grams of protein a day, thanks to the Unjury. I've been making shakes with 1 cup milk and Unjury (29 grams) or 1 cup fat-free yogurt, frozen fruit, and Unjury (30 grams). Yesterday I had one for breakfast and one for supper. I plan a similar strategy for today. The Unjury is expensive-- I've already done significant damage to two of the four containers I bought-- but its really tasty, and the protein is important right now. I don't want my hairs to fall out!
I've been thinking about making an oatmeal using unflavored Unjury for breakfasts once I'm back to solids. I know some people continue to use the protein shakes after they have good restriction just to make sure they are getting enough protein.
I've also been doing well as far as taking my Flintstone vitamins. I can't believe I wasted money on those horrifically disgusting GNC liquid vitamins.
Yesterday I made some baked potato soup from a recipe in my most recent issue of Cooking Light. It was extremely filling for just a half-cup, and really rich. It totals about 329 calories for one cup, but I left off the called-for bacon crumbles and managed only about a half-cup anyway, so I think it was worth it. It was really simple-- just basically potatoes, mashed (I boiled them instead of baking), flour, 2% milk, reduced fat sour cream, shredded sharp cheddar cheese, salt and pepper. The original also called for green onions, but like the bacon, I left them out as being too solid.
Today I've had a strawberry, fat-free yogurt, and Unjury smoothie (235 cals). I plan another half-cup of baked potato soup for lunch (160 cals), 1 cup of tomato soup with 2 Tbsp of feta (140 cals) and a 2% milk and chocolate Unjury smoothie for supper (220 cals). Total for day: 755 cals.
First of all, this is the third day in a row that I've weighed in at exactly that. I am frustrated that I am still consuming so far below 1,000 calories (up to about 800 a day now) and my loss has stalled. I'm also not working out yet, so I'm hoping that once I'm healed, I can eat that little, but workout and still lose.
I have to confess, because I feel very naughty. M bought me some Edy's Double Churned Light caramel ice cream, 130 calories per half-cup serving. I've had a half-cup serving the last two nights. But even worse: last night we went to see The Bourne Ultimatum early, at 6:30 p.m. When we got out at 8:30 p.m. we were both really hungry. We stopped at Moe's so M could get a burrito. Moe's chips and cheese dip have always been an irresistable draw for me and... I have to confess... I ate some teensy tiny bits of soft flour tortilla, dipped in the cheese dip, and chewed to paste. I was so hungry. Now, of course, in true Yo-Yo Dieter fashion, my "all or nothing" thinking has kicked in and I'm petrified that I've Ruined Everything and Slipped My Band and Now You'll Always Be Fat Because You Have No Willpower, You Giant Waste of Skin.
Ugh. I'm trying to move on, I really am. I am eating my full liquids and trying not to worry myself into a nervous breakdown.
On a positive note, I've been getting really close to 60 grams of protein a day, thanks to the Unjury. I've been making shakes with 1 cup milk and Unjury (29 grams) or 1 cup fat-free yogurt, frozen fruit, and Unjury (30 grams). Yesterday I had one for breakfast and one for supper. I plan a similar strategy for today. The Unjury is expensive-- I've already done significant damage to two of the four containers I bought-- but its really tasty, and the protein is important right now. I don't want my hairs to fall out!
I've been thinking about making an oatmeal using unflavored Unjury for breakfasts once I'm back to solids. I know some people continue to use the protein shakes after they have good restriction just to make sure they are getting enough protein.
I've also been doing well as far as taking my Flintstone vitamins. I can't believe I wasted money on those horrifically disgusting GNC liquid vitamins.
Yesterday I made some baked potato soup from a recipe in my most recent issue of Cooking Light. It was extremely filling for just a half-cup, and really rich. It totals about 329 calories for one cup, but I left off the called-for bacon crumbles and managed only about a half-cup anyway, so I think it was worth it. It was really simple-- just basically potatoes, mashed (I boiled them instead of baking), flour, 2% milk, reduced fat sour cream, shredded sharp cheddar cheese, salt and pepper. The original also called for green onions, but like the bacon, I left them out as being too solid.
Today I've had a strawberry, fat-free yogurt, and Unjury smoothie (235 cals). I plan another half-cup of baked potato soup for lunch (160 cals), 1 cup of tomato soup with 2 Tbsp of feta (140 cals) and a 2% milk and chocolate Unjury smoothie for supper (220 cals). Total for day: 755 cals.
Friday, August 31, 2007
i hate my job today: day 10
214.4
Still losing! Total loss of 14.6 lbs so far! Go, me!
Yesterday was a terrible day at work. I had to move my Dallas vacation to the following weekend, and turn it into a long weekend rather than a whole week, to the tune of $600. I am seriously stressed about some projects at work, about my billable hours for August (abysmal, thanks to a vacation and my lap dance). My comforting friend, food, has deserted me.
Yesterday:
1 blueberry smoothie made with 1 small juice box (100 cals), 2/3 cup blueberries (55 cals), and 1 scoop of unflavored Unjury (80 cals), 1/2 cup pureed split pea soup (95 cals) with 2 Tbsp sharp shredded cheddar mixed in (60 cals), the better part of a 10-oz serving of Atlanta Bread Company tomato soup (130 cals) with the innards of a sourdough roll picked apart into tiny shreds and stirred into the soup, yes I know that is against the rules, (~80 cals). Total: 600 calories.
Today:
1 scoop of chocolate-flavored Unjury (100 cals) in 8 oz. of 2% milk (120 cals), which was spectacular. It tasted so much like a chocolate malt milkshake that I think I'm going to freeze some milk into ice cubes and make actual shakes in the mornings from that stuff. DIVINE. 1/2 cup tomato soup (43 cals) with 1 tablespoon tomato-basil feta stirred in (23 cals) for lunch. A Dannon Light 'n' Fit strawberry banana smoothie for snack time (70 cals). I have no idea on supper yet.
Normally I go for 1% milk, which differs very little caloricly from skim milk, but which I find to be much more palatable. But we don't have any milk at home and so I bought a little milk carton from the cafe in my office building on my way in.
I need to shop tonight or tomorrow morning, as the only soup I have left in the house is a little bit of split pea and some frozen black bean that I was planning to save. My latest issue of Cooking Light came a few days ago, and in it I found a really simple recipe for cream of baked potato soup! I even have a couple ingredients at home still-- reduced-fat sour cream and sharp cheddar shreds. I think some baked potato soup would be really filling right now. I'm starting to get my hunger back.
I'm also planning to pick up some milk for the Unjury, yogurt, frozen strawberries, a few more ready-made soups, and some supplies to keep M from eating nothing but fast food while I am stuck on liquids.
The Dermabond has worn completely off of one of my incisions, the small one that falls, annoyingly, right at my bra line. The scar underneath is small, pink, and healthy-looking. I am pleased. My other incisions, especially Big Papa, have started to itch something fierce. It takes a lot of conscious thinking to prevent myself from scratching the Dermabond right off! But I have heard that the itching is a good sign that the skin is healing, so I am pleased with that, too.
My pain at the port incision (and in the underlying muscle) and my gas problems are really all that's left, and both are much improved. I am still, also, really exhausted, basically all day. I could lay down and go to sleep within 5 minutes at basically any point in my day. Probably most shocking, I have a very difficult time getting up in the morning, and I am such a morning person! I am used to bounding out of bed at the first or second alarm (snooze button's a bitch) after 7 or 7.5 hours of restful sleep, and running and walking my dog. These days, I sleep 10 - 11 hours and am still groggy in the morning. I blame part of it on healing, part of it on my very limited caloric intake, and part on the fact that I haven't been walking much or running at all. I know that exercise always makes me feel more energetic. I am looking forward to getting back into my regular routine.
My office closes early today, 1:00 p.m., to celebrate the Labor Day holiday, but I am stuck here all day anyway. Bummer.
Still losing! Total loss of 14.6 lbs so far! Go, me!
Yesterday was a terrible day at work. I had to move my Dallas vacation to the following weekend, and turn it into a long weekend rather than a whole week, to the tune of $600. I am seriously stressed about some projects at work, about my billable hours for August (abysmal, thanks to a vacation and my lap dance). My comforting friend, food, has deserted me.
Yesterday:
1 blueberry smoothie made with 1 small juice box (100 cals), 2/3 cup blueberries (55 cals), and 1 scoop of unflavored Unjury (80 cals), 1/2 cup pureed split pea soup (95 cals) with 2 Tbsp sharp shredded cheddar mixed in (60 cals), the better part of a 10-oz serving of Atlanta Bread Company tomato soup (130 cals) with the innards of a sourdough roll picked apart into tiny shreds and stirred into the soup, yes I know that is against the rules, (~80 cals). Total: 600 calories.
Today:
1 scoop of chocolate-flavored Unjury (100 cals) in 8 oz. of 2% milk (120 cals), which was spectacular. It tasted so much like a chocolate malt milkshake that I think I'm going to freeze some milk into ice cubes and make actual shakes in the mornings from that stuff. DIVINE. 1/2 cup tomato soup (43 cals) with 1 tablespoon tomato-basil feta stirred in (23 cals) for lunch. A Dannon Light 'n' Fit strawberry banana smoothie for snack time (70 cals). I have no idea on supper yet.
Normally I go for 1% milk, which differs very little caloricly from skim milk, but which I find to be much more palatable. But we don't have any milk at home and so I bought a little milk carton from the cafe in my office building on my way in.
I need to shop tonight or tomorrow morning, as the only soup I have left in the house is a little bit of split pea and some frozen black bean that I was planning to save. My latest issue of Cooking Light came a few days ago, and in it I found a really simple recipe for cream of baked potato soup! I even have a couple ingredients at home still-- reduced-fat sour cream and sharp cheddar shreds. I think some baked potato soup would be really filling right now. I'm starting to get my hunger back.
I'm also planning to pick up some milk for the Unjury, yogurt, frozen strawberries, a few more ready-made soups, and some supplies to keep M from eating nothing but fast food while I am stuck on liquids.
The Dermabond has worn completely off of one of my incisions, the small one that falls, annoyingly, right at my bra line. The scar underneath is small, pink, and healthy-looking. I am pleased. My other incisions, especially Big Papa, have started to itch something fierce. It takes a lot of conscious thinking to prevent myself from scratching the Dermabond right off! But I have heard that the itching is a good sign that the skin is healing, so I am pleased with that, too.
My pain at the port incision (and in the underlying muscle) and my gas problems are really all that's left, and both are much improved. I am still, also, really exhausted, basically all day. I could lay down and go to sleep within 5 minutes at basically any point in my day. Probably most shocking, I have a very difficult time getting up in the morning, and I am such a morning person! I am used to bounding out of bed at the first or second alarm (snooze button's a bitch) after 7 or 7.5 hours of restful sleep, and running and walking my dog. These days, I sleep 10 - 11 hours and am still groggy in the morning. I blame part of it on healing, part of it on my very limited caloric intake, and part on the fact that I haven't been walking much or running at all. I know that exercise always makes me feel more energetic. I am looking forward to getting back into my regular routine.
My office closes early today, 1:00 p.m., to celebrate the Labor Day holiday, but I am stuck here all day anyway. Bummer.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
day 9
215.0
I am having a nightmarish day at work, and so far I've had another blueberry/Unjury smoothie (235 cals), 1/2 cup of split pea soup (95 cals), 2 Tbsp of shredded cheddar (55 cals). That puts me at 385, and I'm anticipating some Atlanta Bread Company cream of baked potato soup or tomato soup for supper. We'll see.
I am having a nightmarish day at work, and so far I've had another blueberry/Unjury smoothie (235 cals), 1/2 cup of split pea soup (95 cals), 2 Tbsp of shredded cheddar (55 cals). That puts me at 385, and I'm anticipating some Atlanta Bread Company cream of baked potato soup or tomato soup for supper. We'll see.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
they got pizza and I didn't!
My hellacious Delta flight last weekend ran out of everything but water and the toilets were plain scary. Man, even though I wouldn't have been able to eat it, it would have been so much nicer to have been stuck on this plane.
day 8
215.4
Wow, another 1.4 lb loss; total loss so far of 13.6 lbs! I know in my heart of hearts that at least some of that, if not most, is fluid loss, as the swelling from my surgery goes down. I also know that without any solid food in my diet, that I'll gain back a couple pounds of intestinal weight once I do start eating solids. But, for now, I love getting on the scale in the morning and seeing a significantly lower number. Its thrilling, when for so many long years, the opposite has almost always been the case!
Yesterday, I didn't even get to 516 calories. I never got around to that midafternoon yogurt, since lunch was so disgusting and made me nauseous all afternoon. I can't believe it, since I normally love corn chowder, and have even had the Whole Foods version before! But it was a gelatinous blob of corn yuck, and I do have a bit of a texture issue with things like that. I just couldn't finish it. So yesterday I ended up 466. Okay, but not ideal.
Today's menu: 1 Unjury unflavored protein (80 cals) shake made with a juice box (100 cals), about 2/3 cup frozen blueberries (55 cals), and a heaping tablespoon of Splenda (0 cals) for breakfast. 1/2 cup tomato soup (43 cals) with 1 tablespoon tomato-basil feta (23 cals) for lunch. 1 Dannon Light 'n' Fit strawberry and banana smoothie for an afternoon snack (70 cals). 1/2 cup pureed split pea soup (95 cals) and 2 tablespoons shredded extra sharp Cracker Barrel cheese (60 cals). Total for the day: 526 cals
Today is Wednesday. Tomorrow night, Thursday, M is taking me out on a much-anticipated Big Date that he has been planning to lift my spirits after my surgery. We are going to Brio, which is where we went for our first date! They have a lobster bisque that I adore, making it a good choice right now while I'm still recovering. I have a pretty blue dress that I haven't had a chance to wear yet, and some cute white sandals. I bought both of them for our trip to Jamaica in November but I think they deserve a night out on the town.
Then, Friday night is our last night before we leave to go visit M's parents and siblings. We have to take our dog up to my sister's that night, as well as do a lot of packing. So tonight I have lots of laundry and cleaning to do. I hate leaving the house a mess, and coming back after a week of vacation to a dirty house!
I can't lie; I am dreading the plane trip on Saturday a little. It will be only a week and a day after my last, and very traumatizing, plane trip. Ah, well, it can't be helped. Part of me, too, doesn't really want to spend a week with my almost-in-laws. But M really does, and I want to be with M. I just wish I could do that, and spend a week in pajamas, reading and playing Zelda on the Wii. Now that's a vacation.
Wow, another 1.4 lb loss; total loss so far of 13.6 lbs! I know in my heart of hearts that at least some of that, if not most, is fluid loss, as the swelling from my surgery goes down. I also know that without any solid food in my diet, that I'll gain back a couple pounds of intestinal weight once I do start eating solids. But, for now, I love getting on the scale in the morning and seeing a significantly lower number. Its thrilling, when for so many long years, the opposite has almost always been the case!
Yesterday, I didn't even get to 516 calories. I never got around to that midafternoon yogurt, since lunch was so disgusting and made me nauseous all afternoon. I can't believe it, since I normally love corn chowder, and have even had the Whole Foods version before! But it was a gelatinous blob of corn yuck, and I do have a bit of a texture issue with things like that. I just couldn't finish it. So yesterday I ended up 466. Okay, but not ideal.
Today's menu: 1 Unjury unflavored protein (80 cals) shake made with a juice box (100 cals), about 2/3 cup frozen blueberries (55 cals), and a heaping tablespoon of Splenda (0 cals) for breakfast. 1/2 cup tomato soup (43 cals) with 1 tablespoon tomato-basil feta (23 cals) for lunch. 1 Dannon Light 'n' Fit strawberry and banana smoothie for an afternoon snack (70 cals). 1/2 cup pureed split pea soup (95 cals) and 2 tablespoons shredded extra sharp Cracker Barrel cheese (60 cals). Total for the day: 526 cals
Today is Wednesday. Tomorrow night, Thursday, M is taking me out on a much-anticipated Big Date that he has been planning to lift my spirits after my surgery. We are going to Brio, which is where we went for our first date! They have a lobster bisque that I adore, making it a good choice right now while I'm still recovering. I have a pretty blue dress that I haven't had a chance to wear yet, and some cute white sandals. I bought both of them for our trip to Jamaica in November but I think they deserve a night out on the town.
Then, Friday night is our last night before we leave to go visit M's parents and siblings. We have to take our dog up to my sister's that night, as well as do a lot of packing. So tonight I have lots of laundry and cleaning to do. I hate leaving the house a mess, and coming back after a week of vacation to a dirty house!
I can't lie; I am dreading the plane trip on Saturday a little. It will be only a week and a day after my last, and very traumatizing, plane trip. Ah, well, it can't be helped. Part of me, too, doesn't really want to spend a week with my almost-in-laws. But M really does, and I want to be with M. I just wish I could do that, and spend a week in pajamas, reading and playing Zelda on the Wii. Now that's a vacation.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
unjury ululations: day 7
216.8
Okay. I have a New Favorite Thing: Unjury.
I ordered some before I left for Mexico, having been sorely disappointed with the selection I picked up at GNC for testing. Unjury was highly and broadly recommended on one of the forums I have been reading for information, so I decided to take a chance and order some.
This morning, I took it out of the box, opened the lid, and smelled it. It smells pleasant, like malted milk powder. Then, I made my first Unjury protein shake: 1 small 6 oz. juice box, about 8 frozen strawberries, a heaping tablespoon of Splenda, and a scoop of unflavored Unjury. Total calories: 211
My blender is superpowerful, so the result came out at about the consistency of whipped cream, not a smoothie consistency. However, it is delicious. I don't mean, "oh, its tolerable," I mean, "its really yummy!" It tastes a little bit like a malted strawberry milkshake. It made so much, though. Only half of it went in my travel tumbler; the rest went in a glass and into the fridge. I have not even conquered 2/3 of the tumbler since starting on it two hours ago, but that's okay. I will finish it before lunch and then have the rest after supper tonight.
I do think that next time I ought to make the smoothie first, then gently stir in the Unjury to prevent the frothing from happening.
Today's menu: 1 very large strawberry and unflavored Unjury shake (211 cals), 1/2 cup well-pureed Indian corn chowder from Whole Foods (90 cals), 1 Dannon Light 'n' Fit strawberry and banana smoothie (70 cals), 1/2 cup homemade black bean soup (125 cals) with 1 Tbsp reduced fat sour cream (20 cals). Total: 516 calories.
Okay. I have a New Favorite Thing: Unjury.
I ordered some before I left for Mexico, having been sorely disappointed with the selection I picked up at GNC for testing. Unjury was highly and broadly recommended on one of the forums I have been reading for information, so I decided to take a chance and order some.
This morning, I took it out of the box, opened the lid, and smelled it. It smells pleasant, like malted milk powder. Then, I made my first Unjury protein shake: 1 small 6 oz. juice box, about 8 frozen strawberries, a heaping tablespoon of Splenda, and a scoop of unflavored Unjury. Total calories: 211
My blender is superpowerful, so the result came out at about the consistency of whipped cream, not a smoothie consistency. However, it is delicious. I don't mean, "oh, its tolerable," I mean, "its really yummy!" It tastes a little bit like a malted strawberry milkshake. It made so much, though. Only half of it went in my travel tumbler; the rest went in a glass and into the fridge. I have not even conquered 2/3 of the tumbler since starting on it two hours ago, but that's okay. I will finish it before lunch and then have the rest after supper tonight.
I do think that next time I ought to make the smoothie first, then gently stir in the Unjury to prevent the frothing from happening.
Today's menu: 1 very large strawberry and unflavored Unjury shake (211 cals), 1/2 cup well-pureed Indian corn chowder from Whole Foods (90 cals), 1 Dannon Light 'n' Fit strawberry and banana smoothie (70 cals), 1/2 cup homemade black bean soup (125 cals) with 1 Tbsp reduced fat sour cream (20 cals). Total: 516 calories.
Monday, August 27, 2007
day 6
217.6
Wow, still losing, it seems.
First day back at work. M drove me in, admonishing me the whole way not to "try to be a hero" and to call him right away if I need to come home early. He's worried I'll be in too much pain/discomfort, or too tired, or just in general fed up with my Pointy-Haired Boss. I'm not too worried about it, except that I have become quite accustomed to naps-on-demand and my energy level isn't very high. But my job is of the pencil-pushing, bean-counting variety, so I don't anticipate a strenuous day.
I packed a whole sack full of post-op treats: two juice boxes (one consumed on the drive in to work), a Dannon Light 'n' Fit strawberry and banana smoothie, 1/2 cup of tomato soup and 1 Tbsp of feta. Total: 336 calories. For supper I am going to (energy levels allowing) make some black bean soup, saving some thick and chunky and topped with goodies for M, some pureed and thinned with chicken stock for moi.
(Updated: I made the black bean soup, and it was wonderful. I'm estimating 125 cals for one half-cup, plus 20 cals for a tablespoon of reduced-fat sour cream. I had a regular popsicle too, 45 cals. Total for day: 526 cals.)
I am still gassy and "bubbly" as I call the gurgle/rumble/burping that I seem to be doing a lot of. It is similar to when your tummy rumbles from hunger, but not quite the same. For starters, its much more uncomfortable. Also, I feel it at the top of my stomach, trying to get through the stoma, I presume. And the rumbles and gurgles are usually followed by an unladylike burp, which is unlike hungry-growling. I forgot to bring any Maalox or Gas-X with me, but I'm still not sure they help much.
Saturday morning I leave for a week's vacation at my future in-law's. They are really nice people and so far everyone gets along fine, but (a) I do not relish the thought of another plane trip, even a short 2-hour one, (b) we aren't married yet, so we aren't allowed to sleep together, and (c) its not a real vacation for me. I'm happy to go because M is close to his family and gets to see them so infrequently (about once or twice a year, tops), but its just not quite as fun for me. Plus, I'll still be on the liquid diet and so I'll feel bad about them deferring constantly to me for eating out plans.
I have not, by the way, told them, or allowed M to tell them, that I had a lap dance. He told them I had a laparoscopic hernia repair and since the procedures are similar, the liquid diet etc. seems very reasonable. They are nice people and I don't think they'd be judgmental or unkind about it, but I just didn't feel like discussing it ad nauseum for the entire week, which was sure to happen. His dad, in particular, is a very decent guy, but he's also very... opinionated and once he gets hold of a topic, he will just go on and on. I'm just not sure I'm up to that right now.
I have a couple other people that need to be told soon, though. My best friend is away at med school, and I'm very close to her, her mother, and her kid sister. There really isn't a good way for me to avoid telling them, but I did put it off until after surgery because my best friend is a very hippy-granola-chick who has argued me out of having this surgery before. She thinks its unnecessary for me at my weight and lifestyle, that it comes with risks and downsides and so forth. She's also tall, leggy, blonde, slender, and hot. She doesn't understand what struggling along with these weight issues for so long is like for me. We have a third friend, we're kind of a triumvirite, and this friend and her husband live in Atlanta and already know. I have sworn them to secrecy until after the surgery, but its sure to get out now. So I need to just bite the bullet and call Miss Med School.
Its almost 10:00 a.m. and I haven't yet been able to finish my rapidly-cooling 9:00 a.m. mug of green tea. And I need to move on to my smoothie! And maybe do some work!
Wow, still losing, it seems.
First day back at work. M drove me in, admonishing me the whole way not to "try to be a hero" and to call him right away if I need to come home early. He's worried I'll be in too much pain/discomfort, or too tired, or just in general fed up with my Pointy-Haired Boss. I'm not too worried about it, except that I have become quite accustomed to naps-on-demand and my energy level isn't very high. But my job is of the pencil-pushing, bean-counting variety, so I don't anticipate a strenuous day.
I packed a whole sack full of post-op treats: two juice boxes (one consumed on the drive in to work), a Dannon Light 'n' Fit strawberry and banana smoothie, 1/2 cup of tomato soup and 1 Tbsp of feta. Total: 336 calories. For supper I am going to (energy levels allowing) make some black bean soup, saving some thick and chunky and topped with goodies for M, some pureed and thinned with chicken stock for moi.
(Updated: I made the black bean soup, and it was wonderful. I'm estimating 125 cals for one half-cup, plus 20 cals for a tablespoon of reduced-fat sour cream. I had a regular popsicle too, 45 cals. Total for day: 526 cals.)
I am still gassy and "bubbly" as I call the gurgle/rumble/burping that I seem to be doing a lot of. It is similar to when your tummy rumbles from hunger, but not quite the same. For starters, its much more uncomfortable. Also, I feel it at the top of my stomach, trying to get through the stoma, I presume. And the rumbles and gurgles are usually followed by an unladylike burp, which is unlike hungry-growling. I forgot to bring any Maalox or Gas-X with me, but I'm still not sure they help much.
Saturday morning I leave for a week's vacation at my future in-law's. They are really nice people and so far everyone gets along fine, but (a) I do not relish the thought of another plane trip, even a short 2-hour one, (b) we aren't married yet, so we aren't allowed to sleep together, and (c) its not a real vacation for me. I'm happy to go because M is close to his family and gets to see them so infrequently (about once or twice a year, tops), but its just not quite as fun for me. Plus, I'll still be on the liquid diet and so I'll feel bad about them deferring constantly to me for eating out plans.
I have not, by the way, told them, or allowed M to tell them, that I had a lap dance. He told them I had a laparoscopic hernia repair and since the procedures are similar, the liquid diet etc. seems very reasonable. They are nice people and I don't think they'd be judgmental or unkind about it, but I just didn't feel like discussing it ad nauseum for the entire week, which was sure to happen. His dad, in particular, is a very decent guy, but he's also very... opinionated and once he gets hold of a topic, he will just go on and on. I'm just not sure I'm up to that right now.
I have a couple other people that need to be told soon, though. My best friend is away at med school, and I'm very close to her, her mother, and her kid sister. There really isn't a good way for me to avoid telling them, but I did put it off until after surgery because my best friend is a very hippy-granola-chick who has argued me out of having this surgery before. She thinks its unnecessary for me at my weight and lifestyle, that it comes with risks and downsides and so forth. She's also tall, leggy, blonde, slender, and hot. She doesn't understand what struggling along with these weight issues for so long is like for me. We have a third friend, we're kind of a triumvirite, and this friend and her husband live in Atlanta and already know. I have sworn them to secrecy until after the surgery, but its sure to get out now. So I need to just bite the bullet and call Miss Med School.
Its almost 10:00 a.m. and I haven't yet been able to finish my rapidly-cooling 9:00 a.m. mug of green tea. And I need to move on to my smoothie! And maybe do some work!
Sunday, August 26, 2007
day 5
219.0
Whee! I can tell that some of the swelling in my belly has subsided. I am now down a total of 10 lbs!
Today so far I've had one white grape juice box (100 cals), 1 Dannon Light 'n' Fit strawberry and banana smoothie (70 cals), and 1/2 cup of tomato soup prepared with chicken broth (43 cals) topped with maybe a tablespoon of tomato-basil feta crumbled into it (23 cals). Oh, and a one foul, disgusting gulp of the GNC liquid vitamins I bought.
(Updated: supper was a half-cup of split-pea soup, pureed and thinned with chicken broth (~95 cals); later I had another juice box (100 cals) and a sugar-free popsicle (15 cals) for a daily total of something close to 431 calories.)
I cannot drink that stuff anymore; I don't care if I spent $25 on it! It threatens to gag me every time (well, okay, both times) I take it. I am going to have to get some children's chewable multivitamins. Also, M needs to pick up my Unjury at the post office box tomorrow so maybe I'll ask him to stop in and get me some at the grocery next door.
I have really been debating what to do about getting my fills. Before I got banded, I researched my options in this department, and knew that I had the options of returning to the OCC for my fills, and/or using the Fill Centers USA. They have a provider practicing in one of Atlanta's suburbs, Darlene Zebley, who gets really stellar reviews. So I felt that I had good options in that department.
While I was at OCC getting my band, the doctors implored me to return for fills. They don't charge for them (well, they do for the fluoro but not for the actual fill or office visit) and said they don't make any money doing fills, but that successful patients are their best advertisement and that they have a track record of patients needing only 1 - 3 fills per lifetime, while they hear of other patients needing 5 - 6 or more per year elsewhere. And, of course, I'd like to be able to get a regular band "check up" coincident with my first fill, so I was pretty set on going back to OCC for at least my first.
However, I've done some research. Flights to and from Atlanta are heinous: I priced a ticket on Delta for October 13rd (7.5 weeks) and flying direct, up and back on the same day, would cost me $800! I could go Airtran for considerably cheaper (~$400) but I couldn't do an up-and-back on the same day, so I'd have to get a hotel room in Tijuana. And then there's the cost of transportation, and of course the cost of my time, and it has all started to seem (especially after my hellacious day of travel on Friday) as not worth it.
But my biggest doubt is about the possibility of needing an emergency unfill. For that reason alone, it seems smart to go ahead and start up a relationship with the Fill Centers USA, especially since Darlene seems to come highly recommended. So, if/when I do have a situation arise where I need an urgent unfill, I don't have to arrange the money and time to go to Tijuana. Combined with the cost savings of using Fill Centers USA, I'm leaning pretty strongly in that direction.
Today I swung by Whole Foods and picked up two puree-able soups: Indian corn chowder and split pea. They didn't have any black bean soup, which I was really jonesin' for, with a big dollop of reduced-fat sour cream!
Tomorrow I have to go back to work. I'm not really looking forward to it. I'm still really tired and I don't relish the thought of sitting all day.
Whee! I can tell that some of the swelling in my belly has subsided. I am now down a total of 10 lbs!
Today so far I've had one white grape juice box (100 cals), 1 Dannon Light 'n' Fit strawberry and banana smoothie (70 cals), and 1/2 cup of tomato soup prepared with chicken broth (43 cals) topped with maybe a tablespoon of tomato-basil feta crumbled into it (23 cals). Oh, and a one foul, disgusting gulp of the GNC liquid vitamins I bought.
(Updated: supper was a half-cup of split-pea soup, pureed and thinned with chicken broth (~95 cals); later I had another juice box (100 cals) and a sugar-free popsicle (15 cals) for a daily total of something close to 431 calories.)
I cannot drink that stuff anymore; I don't care if I spent $25 on it! It threatens to gag me every time (well, okay, both times) I take it. I am going to have to get some children's chewable multivitamins. Also, M needs to pick up my Unjury at the post office box tomorrow so maybe I'll ask him to stop in and get me some at the grocery next door.
I have really been debating what to do about getting my fills. Before I got banded, I researched my options in this department, and knew that I had the options of returning to the OCC for my fills, and/or using the Fill Centers USA. They have a provider practicing in one of Atlanta's suburbs, Darlene Zebley, who gets really stellar reviews. So I felt that I had good options in that department.
While I was at OCC getting my band, the doctors implored me to return for fills. They don't charge for them (well, they do for the fluoro but not for the actual fill or office visit) and said they don't make any money doing fills, but that successful patients are their best advertisement and that they have a track record of patients needing only 1 - 3 fills per lifetime, while they hear of other patients needing 5 - 6 or more per year elsewhere. And, of course, I'd like to be able to get a regular band "check up" coincident with my first fill, so I was pretty set on going back to OCC for at least my first.
However, I've done some research. Flights to and from Atlanta are heinous: I priced a ticket on Delta for October 13rd (7.5 weeks) and flying direct, up and back on the same day, would cost me $800! I could go Airtran for considerably cheaper (~$400) but I couldn't do an up-and-back on the same day, so I'd have to get a hotel room in Tijuana. And then there's the cost of transportation, and of course the cost of my time, and it has all started to seem (especially after my hellacious day of travel on Friday) as not worth it.
But my biggest doubt is about the possibility of needing an emergency unfill. For that reason alone, it seems smart to go ahead and start up a relationship with the Fill Centers USA, especially since Darlene seems to come highly recommended. So, if/when I do have a situation arise where I need an urgent unfill, I don't have to arrange the money and time to go to Tijuana. Combined with the cost savings of using Fill Centers USA, I'm leaning pretty strongly in that direction.
Today I swung by Whole Foods and picked up two puree-able soups: Indian corn chowder and split pea. They didn't have any black bean soup, which I was really jonesin' for, with a big dollop of reduced-fat sour cream!
Tomorrow I have to go back to work. I'm not really looking forward to it. I'm still really tired and I don't relish the thought of sitting all day.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
day 4
220.8
Getting home yesterday didn't actually turn out as simple and easy as I'd hoped it'd be. Instead of a four and a half hour direct flight from San Diego to Atlanta, I got stuck on the same plane for over 9 very uncomfortable hours! We reached Atlanta just as a major electrical storm hit, and circled for about an hour before they closed the airport and we were diverted to Huntsville, Alabama. Then, because Huntsville was not equipped to handle a large 767 jet, we ended up sitting on the tarmac for another 3 hours, waiting for the plane to refueled and cleared for flight to Atlanta!
I was miserable at that point, literally in tears from sitting all cramped up (in the middle seat in a row of three across) and M had started to come down with something that seems to be a stomach bug of some kind. He was spending 10 - 15 minutes in the bathroom, throwing up or having diarrhea. The plane's service crew was out of food and water, and the bathrooms on the plane were getting really skanky really fast. The crew kept putting on free movies (The Flying Scotsman, Blades of Glory, Shrek The Third), but people were getting cranky. Sandwiched between a miserable, hunched M and an ornery granny that was late for a grandkid's birthday, I could not get comfortable or relieve the pressure on my abdomen. Every time I tried to stand up and stretch, a 120-year-old cranky old man two rows behind me would wave his arms frantically, pissed, because I was blocking his view of the worst movie ever made, Blades of Glory. If I moved to the aisle to stretch, the 400-lb drunk man in the seat next to the aisle would inevitably need another trip to either the potty or the galley for more liquor, and manage to elbow me in the stomach getting by.
We were both, at that point, about to go stir-crazy. I knew I needed to get off the plane to stretch my stomach muscles out and walk around to relieve the gas pain, but even more I knew I needed to get M some medicine! He was so miserable.
So, at 10:30 p.m. Eastern time, after about 9 hours stuck on the same plane, we decided to volunteer to get off the plane, knowing that the plane would, at some point, return to Atlanta. We decided to get a rental car and drive, so we could hit a drugstore for M and give me a chance to lay back in the passenger seat and get some relief.
We were so lucky to get one of the last cars Hertz had available (and had the kindest, most helpful Hertz clerk). She helped us locate a 24-hour Wal-Mart, where got some supplies, before starting the drive home. Around 1:00 a.m. we stopped and napped for a couple hours before continuing home-- it was very essential at that point as it was clear M was really coming down with something and I, well, had had abdominal surgery 2 days prior.
We got to the Atlanta airport at about 6:30 a.m., driving in shifts. We located our luggage, got into our own car, and were snug in our own bed by 7:30 a.m. Today has been largely dedicated to resting and treating M's stomach bug. Poor thing is rocking a fever, chills, nausea, diarrhea, the whole nine yards, but still managed to drive most of the night last night to get me home.
My appetite is beginning to return. Yesterday I managed one 8-oz. bottle of water and half of a Naked Juice (about 8 oz. and 120 cals) during the hellacious 9-hour airplane incarceration, plus a small (6 oz?) white grape juice box from Wal-Mart during the wee hours. Today I've had loads more: my first shot (gag) of liquid multivitamin (GNC), 1/2 cup of chicken broth, 1 regular cherry popsicle, and 1/2 cup of tomato soup thinned considerably with chicken broth. I've also managed about half of a 700 mL bottle of water. And I'm stuffed like I have been inhaling the standard Thanksgiving vittles all day.
My weigh-in today was around lunchtime, after my shower (wet hair, and my hair when wet is heavy). So while I'm a little disappointed that I haven't lost more, I'm not really surprised as I can tell I am still retaining a lot of fluid in my abdomen from surgery. My diminished appetite is really helping keep me level-headed during this liquid phase and I hope I continue to experience it.
Today I went to the grocery store to get M some more medicine and some appropriate foods. I also picked up some of those yogurt smoothies (allowed, per my nutritionist, as of Day 4), the tomato soup I had for supper, some beef broth in case I tire of the chicken, and some more popsicles. I have gobs of juice boxes (all natural: apple, white grape, berry blend, fruit punch) in the fridge and 6 large boxes of chicken broth at home too. So I should be set for about 2 months at this rate of consumption, heh.
I do have a little head hunger but so far, given my continued tenderness and gas pains, they haven't really been seriously threatening my ability to stick to liquids. I did some trolling around on the forums tonight, comparing the different recommendations on post-op diets. Mine seems to fall on the easier end of the scale: 1 week of clear liquids, 2 weeks of full liquids, and then straight on to solids. It seems as though some people have to manage up to 2 weeks of clear liquids, 2 weeks of full liquids, and 2 weeks of mushy (soft) foods before they can have regular solids!
I have had a little diarrhea, but as I have experienced none of M's other symptoms, I'm chalking it up to my paltry all-liquid diet, and possibly to the IV antibiotics I was given. In my experience, strong antibiotics tend to wreck your "good" gut bacterias too, so I'm definitely going to start on the yogurt smoothies tomorrow. That and the gas pains, frequent burping, and occasional, uhh, regular gas, are really the only side effects I am dealing with. I have been experimenting with Maalox and Gas-X chewables. The Maalox was recommended by M, as he has a sensitive stomach and has had ample opportunity to compare and contrast the various brands. So far it does seem to be a little more effective than the Gas-X, which was popular on the forums I read for post-op gas pains. But the gas pains come and go sporadically so its hard to say how much the chewables are helping.
Time for my last *mini-sob* post-op doctor-prescribed pain pill and an early bedtime!
Getting home yesterday didn't actually turn out as simple and easy as I'd hoped it'd be. Instead of a four and a half hour direct flight from San Diego to Atlanta, I got stuck on the same plane for over 9 very uncomfortable hours! We reached Atlanta just as a major electrical storm hit, and circled for about an hour before they closed the airport and we were diverted to Huntsville, Alabama. Then, because Huntsville was not equipped to handle a large 767 jet, we ended up sitting on the tarmac for another 3 hours, waiting for the plane to refueled and cleared for flight to Atlanta!
I was miserable at that point, literally in tears from sitting all cramped up (in the middle seat in a row of three across) and M had started to come down with something that seems to be a stomach bug of some kind. He was spending 10 - 15 minutes in the bathroom, throwing up or having diarrhea. The plane's service crew was out of food and water, and the bathrooms on the plane were getting really skanky really fast. The crew kept putting on free movies (The Flying Scotsman, Blades of Glory, Shrek The Third), but people were getting cranky. Sandwiched between a miserable, hunched M and an ornery granny that was late for a grandkid's birthday, I could not get comfortable or relieve the pressure on my abdomen. Every time I tried to stand up and stretch, a 120-year-old cranky old man two rows behind me would wave his arms frantically, pissed, because I was blocking his view of the worst movie ever made, Blades of Glory. If I moved to the aisle to stretch, the 400-lb drunk man in the seat next to the aisle would inevitably need another trip to either the potty or the galley for more liquor, and manage to elbow me in the stomach getting by.
We were both, at that point, about to go stir-crazy. I knew I needed to get off the plane to stretch my stomach muscles out and walk around to relieve the gas pain, but even more I knew I needed to get M some medicine! He was so miserable.
So, at 10:30 p.m. Eastern time, after about 9 hours stuck on the same plane, we decided to volunteer to get off the plane, knowing that the plane would, at some point, return to Atlanta. We decided to get a rental car and drive, so we could hit a drugstore for M and give me a chance to lay back in the passenger seat and get some relief.
We were so lucky to get one of the last cars Hertz had available (and had the kindest, most helpful Hertz clerk). She helped us locate a 24-hour Wal-Mart, where got some supplies, before starting the drive home. Around 1:00 a.m. we stopped and napped for a couple hours before continuing home-- it was very essential at that point as it was clear M was really coming down with something and I, well, had had abdominal surgery 2 days prior.
We got to the Atlanta airport at about 6:30 a.m., driving in shifts. We located our luggage, got into our own car, and were snug in our own bed by 7:30 a.m. Today has been largely dedicated to resting and treating M's stomach bug. Poor thing is rocking a fever, chills, nausea, diarrhea, the whole nine yards, but still managed to drive most of the night last night to get me home.
My appetite is beginning to return. Yesterday I managed one 8-oz. bottle of water and half of a Naked Juice (about 8 oz. and 120 cals) during the hellacious 9-hour airplane incarceration, plus a small (6 oz?) white grape juice box from Wal-Mart during the wee hours. Today I've had loads more: my first shot (gag) of liquid multivitamin (GNC), 1/2 cup of chicken broth, 1 regular cherry popsicle, and 1/2 cup of tomato soup thinned considerably with chicken broth. I've also managed about half of a 700 mL bottle of water. And I'm stuffed like I have been inhaling the standard Thanksgiving vittles all day.
My weigh-in today was around lunchtime, after my shower (wet hair, and my hair when wet is heavy). So while I'm a little disappointed that I haven't lost more, I'm not really surprised as I can tell I am still retaining a lot of fluid in my abdomen from surgery. My diminished appetite is really helping keep me level-headed during this liquid phase and I hope I continue to experience it.
Today I went to the grocery store to get M some more medicine and some appropriate foods. I also picked up some of those yogurt smoothies (allowed, per my nutritionist, as of Day 4), the tomato soup I had for supper, some beef broth in case I tire of the chicken, and some more popsicles. I have gobs of juice boxes (all natural: apple, white grape, berry blend, fruit punch) in the fridge and 6 large boxes of chicken broth at home too. So I should be set for about 2 months at this rate of consumption, heh.
I do have a little head hunger but so far, given my continued tenderness and gas pains, they haven't really been seriously threatening my ability to stick to liquids. I did some trolling around on the forums tonight, comparing the different recommendations on post-op diets. Mine seems to fall on the easier end of the scale: 1 week of clear liquids, 2 weeks of full liquids, and then straight on to solids. It seems as though some people have to manage up to 2 weeks of clear liquids, 2 weeks of full liquids, and 2 weeks of mushy (soft) foods before they can have regular solids!
I have had a little diarrhea, but as I have experienced none of M's other symptoms, I'm chalking it up to my paltry all-liquid diet, and possibly to the IV antibiotics I was given. In my experience, strong antibiotics tend to wreck your "good" gut bacterias too, so I'm definitely going to start on the yogurt smoothies tomorrow. That and the gas pains, frequent burping, and occasional, uhh, regular gas, are really the only side effects I am dealing with. I have been experimenting with Maalox and Gas-X chewables. The Maalox was recommended by M, as he has a sensitive stomach and has had ample opportunity to compare and contrast the various brands. So far it does seem to be a little more effective than the Gas-X, which was popular on the forums I read for post-op gas pains. But the gas pains come and go sporadically so its hard to say how much the chewables are helping.
Time for my last *mini-sob* post-op doctor-prescribed pain pill and an early bedtime!
Friday, August 24, 2007
day 3
Friday at last, my day to return home. We're still in Tijuana. We are catching a ride to the aiport in a few hours, though. Several hours will be spent crossing the border so I am a little anxious about making it to the airport in time, and I certainly won't be running to the terminal under any circumstances.
My recovery is proceeding very well. Better than expected, even. I have minimal pain; mostly I am just uncomfortable. I am like a baby that needs to be burped often-- literally. All the "gas pain" I read about before I decided to go through with this has expressed itself as very unladylike burps and belches, not the traditional "gas" I expected.
On Day 1, I consumed nothing but IV fluids as I was having trouble with nausea. Yesterday, Day 2, I had about a half-cup of chicken broth in the morning at the OCC clinic, half a small juice box in the early afternoon and the remainder of that juice box a few hours later in my hotel room, and about a cup of chicken broth at the hotel restaurant at supper time. I was stuffed all day long, managing only small sips of water between my "meals." I know I need to work harder to get fluids in, but I know I am still well-hydrated from 24 hours of IV fluids so I'm not stressing yet.
Today is Day 3, and I haven't begun yet, but I'm not hungry. Its a blessing and a curse because I'm also still very tired, and at least part of that has to be because of my very limited caloric intake. I walk often, as per the surgeon's instructions, which should (and does seem to) help with the gas and cramps.
I have a very, very small worry about the heaving I did during the evening of Day 1. I seem to have that reaction to anaesthesia, and though the nurses calmed me quickly with instructions to take deep breaths and by administering extra shots of the anti-nausea meds (the name of such has been erased from my memory by the pain meds), still I worry that I pulled some stitches and that my band has or will slip. But only time will tell, and I know that the chances of that having happened are minimal.
I am looking forward to being home tonight, in my own bed. With my dog and kitties, with my familiar nightlights and easy grope to the bathroom that I can do with my eyes squeezed shut. I want to feel like I am back to normal.
I am not weighing myself for a while yet. My entire abdomen from breasts on down is swollen noticeably. I know that fluid will dissipate in time, but right now, I don't think I need the scale to tell me I'm heavier. The kind of betadine the surgeons used doesn't wash off right away, and they used Durabond (like superglue) on top of my incisions, so my belly is still a frightening pastiche of mustard yellow, streaks of blood trapped under the Durabond, and fresh incisions which can be seen clearly through the glue. I hate looking at it in the mirror, and hate even more asking M to look at it to make sure everything is doing what its supposed to, but I know that that is an important part of making sure my post-op healing is proceeding well, so I do it.
I have considered taking a picture for posterity, so I can compare the blissfully minimal scars later to the ugly mess my belly is right now. I plan to pick up some scar care cream at the drugstore this weekend when I go to get my Baby Killing Ring. I am very fair and scar easily and so I'm hoping to start using that stuff as soon as the Durabond washes away to minimize the permanent scars as much as possible.
That said, only one is really significant. I have four small incisions of about a half-inch in length each where the laparscopy tools went in. Three are aligned in a diagonal starting at the middle of my abdomen just under my breasts, down to the left edge of my tummy just a tad north of my belly button. The fourth small incision is just about right in the middle but slightly to the right side of my tummy. The largest incision, the one the lap band itself went through, is about an inch and a half long and is oriented perfectly horizontally, several inches above and to the left of my belly button. My port rests about an inch below that incision, it rests under the skin and the tubing snakes out it, through the abdominal muscles, and up to the band itself. I'm still too swollen to be able to properly palpate it. The surgeons ensured me that I'd be able to feel it in a few days but that it wouldn't be visible under my skin.
The nutritionist said I could start on full liquids, well-blended, as early as Day 4 (tomorrow!) if I feel up to; she particularly recommended those drinkable yogurts. So I don't plan any heroic feats of seven days of chicken broth and children's juice boxes, but I'm also not going to make myself move on to full liquids until I get an appetite back. I've not really been hungry these last two days. Last night at dinner, seeing M's plate full of beef fajitas with authentic, freshly-made guacamole (I love guacomole) made me a little "head hungry" but only in that way that like when you've eaten a full meal and are totally satisfied and think, "Gee, what so-and-so is eating looks tasty," not in a way where I seriously considered leaning over and swiping a taste.
I haven't decided what to do about pictures yet. I got M to take a couple shots on the balcony the morning before I went in for surgery as my pre-op "before" shots. I haven'g gotten one of my post-op belly, but I think I should. Maybe now is not the time to post them, but I might later, after I have lost some weight and can compare them to something happier.
So far, I have to say that I the entire process has been easier than I thought it would be. I'm excited to be post-op, excited to start losing weight again (finally), excited to have new goals that are actually reachable.
My goals? Well, at OCC the nutritionist weighed me one one of those body-fat scales. So I know that I am, at 5'2", 130 lbs of lean muscle, bones and tissue. I weighed 221 in her office. She feels that losing 50 - 60 lbs would be ideal for my frame, which puts me at a final goal of about 160. I think if I got down to the 150's, I would be thrilled. But more I am looking to be fit and in a healthy weight range, than to reach a certain size or number on the scale. I know I have a large frame for such a short girl.
My recovery is proceeding very well. Better than expected, even. I have minimal pain; mostly I am just uncomfortable. I am like a baby that needs to be burped often-- literally. All the "gas pain" I read about before I decided to go through with this has expressed itself as very unladylike burps and belches, not the traditional "gas" I expected.
On Day 1, I consumed nothing but IV fluids as I was having trouble with nausea. Yesterday, Day 2, I had about a half-cup of chicken broth in the morning at the OCC clinic, half a small juice box in the early afternoon and the remainder of that juice box a few hours later in my hotel room, and about a cup of chicken broth at the hotel restaurant at supper time. I was stuffed all day long, managing only small sips of water between my "meals." I know I need to work harder to get fluids in, but I know I am still well-hydrated from 24 hours of IV fluids so I'm not stressing yet.
Today is Day 3, and I haven't begun yet, but I'm not hungry. Its a blessing and a curse because I'm also still very tired, and at least part of that has to be because of my very limited caloric intake. I walk often, as per the surgeon's instructions, which should (and does seem to) help with the gas and cramps.
I have a very, very small worry about the heaving I did during the evening of Day 1. I seem to have that reaction to anaesthesia, and though the nurses calmed me quickly with instructions to take deep breaths and by administering extra shots of the anti-nausea meds (the name of such has been erased from my memory by the pain meds), still I worry that I pulled some stitches and that my band has or will slip. But only time will tell, and I know that the chances of that having happened are minimal.
I am looking forward to being home tonight, in my own bed. With my dog and kitties, with my familiar nightlights and easy grope to the bathroom that I can do with my eyes squeezed shut. I want to feel like I am back to normal.
I am not weighing myself for a while yet. My entire abdomen from breasts on down is swollen noticeably. I know that fluid will dissipate in time, but right now, I don't think I need the scale to tell me I'm heavier. The kind of betadine the surgeons used doesn't wash off right away, and they used Durabond (like superglue) on top of my incisions, so my belly is still a frightening pastiche of mustard yellow, streaks of blood trapped under the Durabond, and fresh incisions which can be seen clearly through the glue. I hate looking at it in the mirror, and hate even more asking M to look at it to make sure everything is doing what its supposed to, but I know that that is an important part of making sure my post-op healing is proceeding well, so I do it.
I have considered taking a picture for posterity, so I can compare the blissfully minimal scars later to the ugly mess my belly is right now. I plan to pick up some scar care cream at the drugstore this weekend when I go to get my Baby Killing Ring. I am very fair and scar easily and so I'm hoping to start using that stuff as soon as the Durabond washes away to minimize the permanent scars as much as possible.
That said, only one is really significant. I have four small incisions of about a half-inch in length each where the laparscopy tools went in. Three are aligned in a diagonal starting at the middle of my abdomen just under my breasts, down to the left edge of my tummy just a tad north of my belly button. The fourth small incision is just about right in the middle but slightly to the right side of my tummy. The largest incision, the one the lap band itself went through, is about an inch and a half long and is oriented perfectly horizontally, several inches above and to the left of my belly button. My port rests about an inch below that incision, it rests under the skin and the tubing snakes out it, through the abdominal muscles, and up to the band itself. I'm still too swollen to be able to properly palpate it. The surgeons ensured me that I'd be able to feel it in a few days but that it wouldn't be visible under my skin.
The nutritionist said I could start on full liquids, well-blended, as early as Day 4 (tomorrow!) if I feel up to; she particularly recommended those drinkable yogurts. So I don't plan any heroic feats of seven days of chicken broth and children's juice boxes, but I'm also not going to make myself move on to full liquids until I get an appetite back. I've not really been hungry these last two days. Last night at dinner, seeing M's plate full of beef fajitas with authentic, freshly-made guacamole (I love guacomole) made me a little "head hungry" but only in that way that like when you've eaten a full meal and are totally satisfied and think, "Gee, what so-and-so is eating looks tasty," not in a way where I seriously considered leaning over and swiping a taste.
I haven't decided what to do about pictures yet. I got M to take a couple shots on the balcony the morning before I went in for surgery as my pre-op "before" shots. I haven'g gotten one of my post-op belly, but I think I should. Maybe now is not the time to post them, but I might later, after I have lost some weight and can compare them to something happier.
So far, I have to say that I the entire process has been easier than I thought it would be. I'm excited to be post-op, excited to start losing weight again (finally), excited to have new goals that are actually reachable.
My goals? Well, at OCC the nutritionist weighed me one one of those body-fat scales. So I know that I am, at 5'2", 130 lbs of lean muscle, bones and tissue. I weighed 221 in her office. She feels that losing 50 - 60 lbs would be ideal for my frame, which puts me at a final goal of about 160. I think if I got down to the 150's, I would be thrilled. But more I am looking to be fit and in a healthy weight range, than to reach a certain size or number on the scale. I know I have a large frame for such a short girl.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
i joined the band
Its done. I am one of the few, proud owners of a laproscopically implanted gastric adjustable band. I asked one of my surgeons as I was coming out of the anaesthesia, and he said I got the smaller band, the 4 cc band.
I am still at the hospital. It is only 3:30 a.m. here but you know my body is still on Eastern time. I'm all wide-eyed and bushy-tailed.
The surgery center is really nice-- as nice as any American clinic or hospital I have ever seen. I have a huge private room-- a bed, a cushy armchair, a loveseat, a bedside dresser, a flat-screen TV with American cable on satellite, an in-room phone free calls to the US, and free WiFi!
The whole surgery experience was much, much more pleasant than my recent tonsillectomy (2 years ago) home in the states. I never got to see my surgeon but once a few weeks before my surgery, and then briefly right after when I was suffering from the anaesthesia. The anaesthia was a terrible experience, and they plunked me into a wheelchair and got me the hell outta that hospital as fast as they could after I awoke- there was no overnight or even short-term observation. I could barely walk because I was so screwed up from the surgery drugs.
Here, the experience was so different in so many good ways.
The anaesthesia experience wasn't nearly so bad as it was when I had my tonsils out. They use the latest type here, they claim it is so light that patients go under 2 minutes before surgery and come out 2 minutes later (just after they turn off the drip). I did a little barely-remember wild, drug-addled chatting as they wheeled me into the room (M said I reached out for him and for called him "M, M!") but then slept another hour or hour and a half, before waking up as if from a peaceful sleep. No erratic, frightening racing heart, no sweating and chills like the last time. Just a nap.
Everyone here is so wonderful, from Mrs. Ortiz (Dr. Ortiz' mother-- tiny, adorable, classy little lady-- and it isn't her job, they have other hired drivers, but she "volunteers" to "socialize" all day and loves it!) to the surgical staff, to the wonderful, wonderful nurses. The surgeons all came by before my surgery and explained every step to me, down to the kinds of medications they used and why they are the best available for this type of surgery. They are very friendly and accessible and insisted that in the future, if I ever had any questions or worries, to call them immediately on their cell phones! And I can't tell you how great it is that the doctors just drop your room to chitc-chat: "Still comfortable? Any questions?" and how, when I was heaving audibly on the way back from a short walk to the restroom, every nurse on the hall came running to help me back into bed and get me another shot. When the shift changed from day to night, the night doc and night nurses each came in to say hello and reassure me that I was being taken care of and that they knew I needed regular anti-nausea shots.
I have also gotten a chance to chat with the other patients and their companions and that has been interesting, too. There are two young girls from Alaska here that I've met, a grandmother (and her husband) from Las Vegas who has totally made it her business to check up on me and make sure I'm doing okay, another lady from another part of Utah.
I'm really feeling pretty good, all things considered. My abdomen is almost comically swollen (there go the falling-off pants) and my belly hurts, but its kind of a pressure hurt (feels like you really, really need to burp, fart, or both), not a sharp pain. I have pain at the incisision sites, but they don't hurt really any worse than any other kind of cut. The port hurts, because the port is just under the skin, and the tube from the port goes through the abdominal muscle to get to the band around stomach. My back muscles are a little sore from sleeping unnaturally on my back instead of my tummy, as I am used to.
My worst symptom is nausea because I am sensitive to pain medication in that way, but they have been really good and responsive with the anti-nausea drugs and for that, I am grateful to have spent the night here.
It was nice that M got to stay with me up until visiting hours ended (5:30 p.m.) and nicer still that they sent him back to the hotel after that to get something to eat (he refused to go to lunch and leave me at any point during the day) and get some rest. I get discharged this morning after the doctors examine me, to join him at the hotel, and then later for some doctor-prescribed "shopping therarpy," which really means the more I walk the better.
I am still at the hospital. It is only 3:30 a.m. here but you know my body is still on Eastern time. I'm all wide-eyed and bushy-tailed.
The surgery center is really nice-- as nice as any American clinic or hospital I have ever seen. I have a huge private room-- a bed, a cushy armchair, a loveseat, a bedside dresser, a flat-screen TV with American cable on satellite, an in-room phone free calls to the US, and free WiFi!
The whole surgery experience was much, much more pleasant than my recent tonsillectomy (2 years ago) home in the states. I never got to see my surgeon but once a few weeks before my surgery, and then briefly right after when I was suffering from the anaesthesia. The anaesthia was a terrible experience, and they plunked me into a wheelchair and got me the hell outta that hospital as fast as they could after I awoke- there was no overnight or even short-term observation. I could barely walk because I was so screwed up from the surgery drugs.
Here, the experience was so different in so many good ways.
The anaesthesia experience wasn't nearly so bad as it was when I had my tonsils out. They use the latest type here, they claim it is so light that patients go under 2 minutes before surgery and come out 2 minutes later (just after they turn off the drip). I did a little barely-remember wild, drug-addled chatting as they wheeled me into the room (M said I reached out for him and for called him "M, M!") but then slept another hour or hour and a half, before waking up as if from a peaceful sleep. No erratic, frightening racing heart, no sweating and chills like the last time. Just a nap.
Everyone here is so wonderful, from Mrs. Ortiz (Dr. Ortiz' mother-- tiny, adorable, classy little lady-- and it isn't her job, they have other hired drivers, but she "volunteers" to "socialize" all day and loves it!) to the surgical staff, to the wonderful, wonderful nurses. The surgeons all came by before my surgery and explained every step to me, down to the kinds of medications they used and why they are the best available for this type of surgery. They are very friendly and accessible and insisted that in the future, if I ever had any questions or worries, to call them immediately on their cell phones! And I can't tell you how great it is that the doctors just drop your room to chitc-chat: "Still comfortable? Any questions?" and how, when I was heaving audibly on the way back from a short walk to the restroom, every nurse on the hall came running to help me back into bed and get me another shot. When the shift changed from day to night, the night doc and night nurses each came in to say hello and reassure me that I was being taken care of and that they knew I needed regular anti-nausea shots.
I have also gotten a chance to chat with the other patients and their companions and that has been interesting, too. There are two young girls from Alaska here that I've met, a grandmother (and her husband) from Las Vegas who has totally made it her business to check up on me and make sure I'm doing okay, another lady from another part of Utah.
I'm really feeling pretty good, all things considered. My abdomen is almost comically swollen (there go the falling-off pants) and my belly hurts, but its kind of a pressure hurt (feels like you really, really need to burp, fart, or both), not a sharp pain. I have pain at the incisision sites, but they don't hurt really any worse than any other kind of cut. The port hurts, because the port is just under the skin, and the tube from the port goes through the abdominal muscle to get to the band around stomach. My back muscles are a little sore from sleeping unnaturally on my back instead of my tummy, as I am used to.
My worst symptom is nausea because I am sensitive to pain medication in that way, but they have been really good and responsive with the anti-nausea drugs and for that, I am grateful to have spent the night here.
It was nice that M got to stay with me up until visiting hours ended (5:30 p.m.) and nicer still that they sent him back to the hotel after that to get something to eat (he refused to go to lunch and leave me at any point during the day) and get some rest. I get discharged this morning after the doctors examine me, to join him at the hotel, and then later for some doctor-prescribed "shopping therarpy," which really means the more I walk the better.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
tijuana, mexico or bust: 1 day to go
220.8
So that's the final count. 8.4 lbs lost in 7 days.
I am about to go jump on a plane to Tijuana. Today, when we arrive, I go straight to the clinic for my pre-op testing. Tonight we are free to explore a little, and sleep at the hotel. Tomorrow morning, I go back to the clinic for surgery. Tomorrow night, I sleep overnight at the clinic for observation, and Thursday I am released if all is well. Friday morning we fly home.
I am nervous and excited.
Wish me luck.
So that's the final count. 8.4 lbs lost in 7 days.
I am about to go jump on a plane to Tijuana. Today, when we arrive, I go straight to the clinic for my pre-op testing. Tonight we are free to explore a little, and sleep at the hotel. Tomorrow morning, I go back to the clinic for surgery. Tomorrow night, I sleep overnight at the clinic for observation, and Thursday I am released if all is well. Friday morning we fly home.
I am nervous and excited.
Wish me luck.
Monday, August 20, 2007
leaving on a jet plane
In about 11 hours! I am nervous and excited. Oh, and a little pissed since I just weighed myself and I've "gained" 0.6 lbs today... and I've had absolutely nothing except 3 Slimfasts.
I'm packed. I have my forms, my books, my knitting.
Its really happening.
I'm packed. I have my forms, my books, my knitting.
Its really happening.
serious counting down begins: 2 days to go
221.8
Wow, that's frustrating. Another day of misery and hunger pangs, and I lost 0.2 lbs. Well, I'm down a total of 7.4 lbs out of 12. It doesn't look like I'll hit 10 lbs total. Maybe 8.
I did cheat last night. I had about 300 calories-worth of a chicken, shrimp, and scallop paella I prepared from a frozen mix, which I augmented with some chicken, shrimp and frozen veggies from my freezer. I really had a miniscule little portion and very minimal rice-- I guess my stomach has shrunk over the last week-- but I was just giddy from the real food in my belly.
I paid for it this morning. I'm going to have to try very hard to do all of today on sheer liquids so I have the best weigh-in possible tomorrow at the clinic.
I haven't even begun to pack. I was busy yesterday doing some actual work, and still people at the office are pissed at me today. I'm having surgery, people. Cut me some freaking slack. I narrowly escaped a teary breakdown in a superior's office just now, because I whipped out the surgery card, and he got uncomfortable and agreed to discuss it later. The project he's all antsy about-- which is almost completed and due to go out the door Wednesday morning-- isn't even completed (he's checking my work right now). And he wants to do a post-mortem. Its not even done!
I didn't even get my well-deserved pedicure yesterday. Poor me.
Wow, that's frustrating. Another day of misery and hunger pangs, and I lost 0.2 lbs. Well, I'm down a total of 7.4 lbs out of 12. It doesn't look like I'll hit 10 lbs total. Maybe 8.
I did cheat last night. I had about 300 calories-worth of a chicken, shrimp, and scallop paella I prepared from a frozen mix, which I augmented with some chicken, shrimp and frozen veggies from my freezer. I really had a miniscule little portion and very minimal rice-- I guess my stomach has shrunk over the last week-- but I was just giddy from the real food in my belly.
I paid for it this morning. I'm going to have to try very hard to do all of today on sheer liquids so I have the best weigh-in possible tomorrow at the clinic.
I haven't even begun to pack. I was busy yesterday doing some actual work, and still people at the office are pissed at me today. I'm having surgery, people. Cut me some freaking slack. I narrowly escaped a teary breakdown in a superior's office just now, because I whipped out the surgery card, and he got uncomfortable and agreed to discuss it later. The project he's all antsy about-- which is almost completed and due to go out the door Wednesday morning-- isn't even completed (he's checking my work right now). And he wants to do a post-mortem. Its not even done!
I didn't even get my well-deserved pedicure yesterday. Poor me.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
rewards
M decided to plan a special date for a week after my surgery so I'd have something to look forward to. I was so thrilled by his suggestion! He wants to take me back to Brio, where we had our first date, so I can have some lobster bisque for my first day on full liquids. Right now, I'm still trapped in pre-op diet three-Slimfasts-day-and-nothing-else-oh-god-I'm-STARVING hell so the idea, having something to look forward to, is really working for me.
So I decided to think up a few things that I would also like to do or accomplish when I get to my goal weight. In no particular order:
1. Get married-- in a dress that is not a plus-size.
2. Run a 10-minute mile (a feat not accomplishable since my high school days).
3. Buy some knee-high boots (I have wickedly fat calves).
4. Buy some super-cute dresses that are not designed to cover me up.
5. Wear a bathing suit without a skirt with no shame.
6. Run a half-marathon.
7. Be light enough so that M can pick me up *wink, wink*.
8. Be unashamed to tell M-- or anyone else-- my actual weight.
9. Be confident enough to sign up for classes like dance, spinning, etc.
10. Be able to share clothes with my sister and friends.
11. Post impressive before and after shots.
12. Be comfortable being photographed.
13. Be able to order dessert in a restaurant without being embarassed.
14. Be able to try clothes on in stores without being embarassed about the sizes I'm pulling.
So I decided to think up a few things that I would also like to do or accomplish when I get to my goal weight. In no particular order:
1. Get married-- in a dress that is not a plus-size.
2. Run a 10-minute mile (a feat not accomplishable since my high school days).
3. Buy some knee-high boots (I have wickedly fat calves).
4. Buy some super-cute dresses that are not designed to cover me up.
5. Wear a bathing suit without a skirt with no shame.
6. Run a half-marathon.
7. Be light enough so that M can pick me up *wink, wink*.
8. Be unashamed to tell M-- or anyone else-- my actual weight.
9. Be confident enough to sign up for classes like dance, spinning, etc.
10. Be able to share clothes with my sister and friends.
11. Post impressive before and after shots.
12. Be comfortable being photographed.
13. Be able to order dessert in a restaurant without being embarassed.
14. Be able to try clothes on in stores without being embarassed about the sizes I'm pulling.
i deserve a medal: 3 days to go
222.0
Yesterday I had 2 Slimfasts, 1 280-calorie Lean Cuisine, 3/4 of a jar of 0-calorie Splenda-ed sweet baby gherkins, 2 sugar-free popsicles. 7.2 lbs in 4 days isn't so bad! Two more days to go, and I'm hoping to clear 10 lbs. Although now I'm worried that they will weigh me at OCC with all my clothes on, and it won't look like I've lost 10 lbs since I weigh myself at home, first thing in the morning, with only my little nightie on.
I held strong at the party/barbeque yesterday, but I was pretty miserable. I drank a couple glasses of ice water and the pickles I'd toted along; everyone else got to nosh on freshly grilled hamburgers, Carolina-style barbeque, chips, brownies, etc. I was sad. I deserve a freakin' medal for not sneaking even one teensy little bite of something yummy.
Today is Sunday, and we're leaving early Tuesday morning for the airport. We have a lot of things to do about the house and such to get ready. I also have some work to do on my laptop-- I scooted out early on Friday afternoon, as I wasn't feeling well, and didn't finish everything I was supposed to. But also, we are running out to Circuit City to hopefully pick up a Wii for M-- a well-deserved and long-anticipated gift. I'm hoping that staying busy today will help keep my mind off of what I'm not eating.
Yesterday I had 2 Slimfasts, 1 280-calorie Lean Cuisine, 3/4 of a jar of 0-calorie Splenda-ed sweet baby gherkins, 2 sugar-free popsicles. 7.2 lbs in 4 days isn't so bad! Two more days to go, and I'm hoping to clear 10 lbs. Although now I'm worried that they will weigh me at OCC with all my clothes on, and it won't look like I've lost 10 lbs since I weigh myself at home, first thing in the morning, with only my little nightie on.
I held strong at the party/barbeque yesterday, but I was pretty miserable. I drank a couple glasses of ice water and the pickles I'd toted along; everyone else got to nosh on freshly grilled hamburgers, Carolina-style barbeque, chips, brownies, etc. I was sad. I deserve a freakin' medal for not sneaking even one teensy little bite of something yummy.
Today is Sunday, and we're leaving early Tuesday morning for the airport. We have a lot of things to do about the house and such to get ready. I also have some work to do on my laptop-- I scooted out early on Friday afternoon, as I wasn't feeling well, and didn't finish everything I was supposed to. But also, we are running out to Circuit City to hopefully pick up a Wii for M-- a well-deserved and long-anticipated gift. I'm hoping that staying busy today will help keep my mind off of what I'm not eating.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
i cheated: 4 days to go
223.6
Yes, I cheated. Yesterday I had 1 Slimfast, half of a terrible Spiru-tein, another half-jar of Splenda-ed sweet baby gherkins, 2 sugar-free popsicles and... a chargrilled chicken sandwich on whole wheat with lettuce, tomato, and mustard from Chick-fil-A!
However, I still managed to stay under 600 calories for the day, so I don't feel too terrible. The Chick-fil-A sandwich clocks in at 270 calories, and given that:
Slimfast: 190
1/2 Spiru-tein: 90
baby gherkins: 0
2 popsicles: 30
chicken sandwich: 270
total: 580
I refuse to feel bad. I think the liquids are for simplicity, and to clean out your system a little. I think cheating with a very, very lean protein like a grilled chicken sandwich is probably the best "cheat" I could have come up with.
In any case, I'm still losing at an astonishing rate. Once my intestines are thoroughly emptied, it should slow down. But I'm pleased; 3 days of liquid diet completed and I've lost 5.4 lbs. That's very close to halfway there. I reported 229.2 on my paperwork to the doc, so really I'm down 5.6 lbs by their records. If I get a couple more under my belt (out from under my belt? heh), then I'll be pleased.
Today I have a party/barbeque to go to. A friend of mine is celebrating a very big accomplishment and so I can't really just bow out. But there will be yummy foods galore, and I am nervous about my ability to withstand. At least, several of my friends who will be there know that I'm on this ridiculous pre-op diet and so just the fact that they will notice if I do something naughty will help restrain me. And, of course, having M there.
I am bringing a big tupperware of pickles and a protein shake. And as much willpower as I can muster.
In reality, I have only three and a half more days of this torture. I have today, Sunday, and Monday. Tuesday we leave for Tijuana, and I have to fast that morning. Once I get to OCC, I will do pre-op testing (including a weigh-in to determine if I've lost the prescribed weight) and then be released, and even though its not recommended, you better believe I will be having a real dinner that night. Oh yes I will.
Yes, I cheated. Yesterday I had 1 Slimfast, half of a terrible Spiru-tein, another half-jar of Splenda-ed sweet baby gherkins, 2 sugar-free popsicles and... a chargrilled chicken sandwich on whole wheat with lettuce, tomato, and mustard from Chick-fil-A!
However, I still managed to stay under 600 calories for the day, so I don't feel too terrible. The Chick-fil-A sandwich clocks in at 270 calories, and given that:
Slimfast: 190
1/2 Spiru-tein: 90
baby gherkins: 0
2 popsicles: 30
chicken sandwich: 270
total: 580
I refuse to feel bad. I think the liquids are for simplicity, and to clean out your system a little. I think cheating with a very, very lean protein like a grilled chicken sandwich is probably the best "cheat" I could have come up with.
In any case, I'm still losing at an astonishing rate. Once my intestines are thoroughly emptied, it should slow down. But I'm pleased; 3 days of liquid diet completed and I've lost 5.4 lbs. That's very close to halfway there. I reported 229.2 on my paperwork to the doc, so really I'm down 5.6 lbs by their records. If I get a couple more under my belt (out from under my belt? heh), then I'll be pleased.
Today I have a party/barbeque to go to. A friend of mine is celebrating a very big accomplishment and so I can't really just bow out. But there will be yummy foods galore, and I am nervous about my ability to withstand. At least, several of my friends who will be there know that I'm on this ridiculous pre-op diet and so just the fact that they will notice if I do something naughty will help restrain me. And, of course, having M there.
I am bringing a big tupperware of pickles and a protein shake. And as much willpower as I can muster.
In reality, I have only three and a half more days of this torture. I have today, Sunday, and Monday. Tuesday we leave for Tijuana, and I have to fast that morning. Once I get to OCC, I will do pre-op testing (including a weigh-in to determine if I've lost the prescribed weight) and then be released, and even though its not recommended, you better believe I will be having a real dinner that night. Oh yes I will.
Friday, August 17, 2007
one whole jar of pickles is a bad idea: 5 days to go
225.4
So yesterday I had: 2 Slimfasts, 1 Myoplex Lite Chocolate Fudge*, 2 sugar-free popsicles, a few 0-calorie zesty dill spears and the better part of a jar of Splenda-sweetened 0-calorie baby gherkins. That last mess was my supper, and in case you are wondering: yes, an entire jar of vinegar-soaked cucumbers will give you a stomach ache.
Yesterday was hard. I became very depressed in the mid-afternoon, and struggled through my work at a glacial pace. Every challenge, no matter how minor, seemed insurmountable. I was so frustrated I was constantly fighting back tears. M picked me up after work (he'd taken my car in for an oil change and filled up the gas for me) and I basically just let 'er rip, and bawled most of the way home.
We stopped at Publix for pickles and bouillon cubes. I stood in the aisle, trying to select what I wanted from hundreds of jars of pickles, a great number of which were calorie-free, literally, 0 calories per serving. And I was amazed. Only in this era of an abundance of food would people pay $2 - $3 a jar for something with almost no nutritional value at all (besides sodium).
I bought my pickles and headed home. I felt better after eating, and took an hour-long nap, which was also refreshing. I didn't count on being so exhausted. We caught a movie with some friends, too, and that raised my spirits.
At last, its Friday. Work has been a real trial for me this week. This day needs to end as quickly as possible.
* Not bad, tasted a little bit like a liquified chocolate Luna bar. I love Luna bars. However, the Slimfasts taste better, which is unfortunate, because the Slimfasts don't contain enough protein for me to stick with them for the rest of the month. Today I'm trying the strawberry Spiru-tein for lunch, mixed with skim milk.
UPDATE: My god, the Spiru-tein was disgusting. I had to hold my nose to swallow it by the end. Foul, foul, foul.
So yesterday I had: 2 Slimfasts, 1 Myoplex Lite Chocolate Fudge*, 2 sugar-free popsicles, a few 0-calorie zesty dill spears and the better part of a jar of Splenda-sweetened 0-calorie baby gherkins. That last mess was my supper, and in case you are wondering: yes, an entire jar of vinegar-soaked cucumbers will give you a stomach ache.
Yesterday was hard. I became very depressed in the mid-afternoon, and struggled through my work at a glacial pace. Every challenge, no matter how minor, seemed insurmountable. I was so frustrated I was constantly fighting back tears. M picked me up after work (he'd taken my car in for an oil change and filled up the gas for me) and I basically just let 'er rip, and bawled most of the way home.
We stopped at Publix for pickles and bouillon cubes. I stood in the aisle, trying to select what I wanted from hundreds of jars of pickles, a great number of which were calorie-free, literally, 0 calories per serving. And I was amazed. Only in this era of an abundance of food would people pay $2 - $3 a jar for something with almost no nutritional value at all (besides sodium).
I bought my pickles and headed home. I felt better after eating, and took an hour-long nap, which was also refreshing. I didn't count on being so exhausted. We caught a movie with some friends, too, and that raised my spirits.
At last, its Friday. Work has been a real trial for me this week. This day needs to end as quickly as possible.
* Not bad, tasted a little bit like a liquified chocolate Luna bar. I love Luna bars. However, the Slimfasts taste better, which is unfortunate, because the Slimfasts don't contain enough protein for me to stick with them for the rest of the month. Today I'm trying the strawberry Spiru-tein for lunch, mixed with skim milk.
UPDATE: My god, the Spiru-tein was disgusting. I had to hold my nose to swallow it by the end. Foul, foul, foul.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
its really real: 6 days to go
227.0
Yesterday I had two mugs of decaf green tea with Splenda, three Slimfasts, one large greens-only salad with Wishbone Salad Spritzers dressing, and one sugar-free popsicle. That sounds like a lot of food, right? That totals less than 600 calories for the whole day.
It really wasn't too bad until mid-afternoon. I had a definite crash in blood sugar. In midafternoon, it is not unusual for me to demolish a bag of sweet, sweet cherries or a granny smith apple with peanut butter, or even to resort to sticking my chubby little fingers in one of the many candy jars around my office.
So, no afternoon sugar-rush, even of the healthy fruit kind. I was seriously starving by about 2:30 p.m. I did my best to keep working, but it was really frigid in my office yesterday as well (long story about AC problems). I darted out at 4:30 p.m.
I had my salad shortly after work, with my popsicle. Then, M and I headed out to run some errands. First we hit GNC and I scored some liquid multivitamins and a few different kinds of protein shakes, so I can experiment and see what I'll like for the post-op full liquids phase. Then, on to Costco, where I purchased some items for the clear liquids stage: juice boxes, chicken broth.
We passed Costco's yummy little food court: I was sad. We drove to Dusty's to get M some barbeque, and I had to hold it in my lap on the drive home: I was sad. I went and laid down in the bedroom, feeling a little petulant, while he ate his barbeque in the living room. After he was done, I had my last, sad little Slimfast in the living room just before bed.
It is early morning and I have weighed myself, and am waiting for M to get up so we can walk the dog. I am supposed to run but I don't see that happening. This strict diet is not very easy.
Today I start testing some protein shakes. I picked up some Myoplex Lite Chocolate Fudge (170 cals, 20 g protein) and I'm having one of those for lunch. I also have, at home, a bottle of orange Isopure (160 cals, 40 g protein), a small pouch of Muscle Milk lite vanilla (150 cals), and a package each of chocolate and strawberry Spiru-tein (179 cals, 22 g protein). Those are the skeeviest looking ones, but M said he had had them before and that they weren't bad. They were also pretty cheap compared to the others. The Isopure, for example, was $4 for one bottle. The Myoplex was $10 for 4. The Muscle Milk was $2.19 for one. I think (can't remember exactly) that the Spiru-teins were $1.59 apiece, but require the addition of 1 cup skim milk.
I have heard that Unjury is really popular but I'd have to order that online. Also, the Isopure comes in big, big containers of powder that you can mix up yourself, but they didn't have small individual servings for me to try at GNC. So if I like the Isopure orange drink I might go out on a limb and get one of the powders. Else, I'm hoping the Myoplex is decent.
Yesterday I had two mugs of decaf green tea with Splenda, three Slimfasts, one large greens-only salad with Wishbone Salad Spritzers dressing, and one sugar-free popsicle. That sounds like a lot of food, right? That totals less than 600 calories for the whole day.
It really wasn't too bad until mid-afternoon. I had a definite crash in blood sugar. In midafternoon, it is not unusual for me to demolish a bag of sweet, sweet cherries or a granny smith apple with peanut butter, or even to resort to sticking my chubby little fingers in one of the many candy jars around my office.
So, no afternoon sugar-rush, even of the healthy fruit kind. I was seriously starving by about 2:30 p.m. I did my best to keep working, but it was really frigid in my office yesterday as well (long story about AC problems). I darted out at 4:30 p.m.
I had my salad shortly after work, with my popsicle. Then, M and I headed out to run some errands. First we hit GNC and I scored some liquid multivitamins and a few different kinds of protein shakes, so I can experiment and see what I'll like for the post-op full liquids phase. Then, on to Costco, where I purchased some items for the clear liquids stage: juice boxes, chicken broth.
We passed Costco's yummy little food court: I was sad. We drove to Dusty's to get M some barbeque, and I had to hold it in my lap on the drive home: I was sad. I went and laid down in the bedroom, feeling a little petulant, while he ate his barbeque in the living room. After he was done, I had my last, sad little Slimfast in the living room just before bed.
It is early morning and I have weighed myself, and am waiting for M to get up so we can walk the dog. I am supposed to run but I don't see that happening. This strict diet is not very easy.
Today I start testing some protein shakes. I picked up some Myoplex Lite Chocolate Fudge (170 cals, 20 g protein) and I'm having one of those for lunch. I also have, at home, a bottle of orange Isopure (160 cals, 40 g protein), a small pouch of Muscle Milk lite vanilla (150 cals), and a package each of chocolate and strawberry Spiru-tein (179 cals, 22 g protein). Those are the skeeviest looking ones, but M said he had had them before and that they weren't bad. They were also pretty cheap compared to the others. The Isopure, for example, was $4 for one bottle. The Myoplex was $10 for 4. The Muscle Milk was $2.19 for one. I think (can't remember exactly) that the Spiru-teins were $1.59 apiece, but require the addition of 1 cup skim milk.
I have heard that Unjury is really popular but I'd have to order that online. Also, the Isopure comes in big, big containers of powder that you can mix up yourself, but they didn't have small individual servings for me to try at GNC. So if I like the Isopure orange drink I might go out on a limb and get one of the powders. Else, I'm hoping the Myoplex is decent.
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