Monday, October 22, 2007
first fill
And... disappointment. I am still not restricted. Last night I had Thai food, a welcome-home night out with my fiance (hee, still get a little thrilled to say that). I had, basically, the same portion I would have had pre-band. This morning, as a test, I had a wee bit of biscuit before my protein-shaked-coffee. I "felt it" more than I did the Thai, but it still went down easy-cheesey. Today, for lunch, a tuna-kit, which, while a small portion, was not the 1/4 cup I'm supposed to be able to eat. So I guess I go back in two weeks.
Friday, October 19, 2007
observations
219.4
1) My hair is falling out. I can no longer deny it. Every time I run my fingers through my hair, I pull out wispy handfuls, an amount that would be equal to what I'd pull out of my hairbrush on a regular morning. My hair is fine, but I have a lot of it. Its also long, about to to the top of the band of my bra in back, and I am afraid I'm going to have to cut it if it thins out considerably.
2) My nausea setpoint is a lot higher since getting the band. I thought, at first, that it was the after effects of the anaesthesia or drinking tons of milk during the protein shake stage, but I am now eight and a half weeks out, and my protein shake intake is no longer a daily occurence. Its not that I walk around nauseated all the time, but now it seems like bad smells, or being tired and hungry make me more nauseated than they used to. And now, I am much more likely to involuntarily heave (though I haven't thrown up since the day after surgery) when I feel nauseated.
3) My first fill (!!!) is tomorrow. I'm offically down 9.8 lbs since the very beginning of this journey, but 6.6 lbs up from my lowest liquid-diet weigh-in. I am hoping that my fill tomorrow will help me keep going in the proper direction. I want to be under 200 by the end of the year. That's essentially 10 weeks (and change), so I need to lose 2 lbs a week to do it. I think I can. Then, after that, there are 12 more weeks until my wedding, and I'd like to lose another 18 in that period: 1.5 lbs per week. Ah, to be in the low 180's! It has been longer than 5 years, probably closer to 7, since I weighed that much.
1) My hair is falling out. I can no longer deny it. Every time I run my fingers through my hair, I pull out wispy handfuls, an amount that would be equal to what I'd pull out of my hairbrush on a regular morning. My hair is fine, but I have a lot of it. Its also long, about to to the top of the band of my bra in back, and I am afraid I'm going to have to cut it if it thins out considerably.
2) My nausea setpoint is a lot higher since getting the band. I thought, at first, that it was the after effects of the anaesthesia or drinking tons of milk during the protein shake stage, but I am now eight and a half weeks out, and my protein shake intake is no longer a daily occurence. Its not that I walk around nauseated all the time, but now it seems like bad smells, or being tired and hungry make me more nauseated than they used to. And now, I am much more likely to involuntarily heave (though I haven't thrown up since the day after surgery) when I feel nauseated.
3) My first fill (!!!) is tomorrow. I'm offically down 9.8 lbs since the very beginning of this journey, but 6.6 lbs up from my lowest liquid-diet weigh-in. I am hoping that my fill tomorrow will help me keep going in the proper direction. I want to be under 200 by the end of the year. That's essentially 10 weeks (and change), so I need to lose 2 lbs a week to do it. I think I can. Then, after that, there are 12 more weeks until my wedding, and I'd like to lose another 18 in that period: 1.5 lbs per week. Ah, to be in the low 180's! It has been longer than 5 years, probably closer to 7, since I weighed that much.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
anxiety, and, i want my fill!
219.8
Finally, back below 220.
The wedding, the wedding. I was doing great for a while, now I am falling behind.
I have a lot of anxiety about things. I have a lot of feelings of inadequacy around my ability to manage the whole endeavor. Probably the thing that I am most ashamed of (and therefore completely unable to discuss with real life friends) is the weight issue.
I hate that I am so "ohmigod I have to be skinny on my SPECIAL DAAAAAAY!!!" about this.
Three weeks before I got engaged, I had my lap-band surgery. I can expect-- with hard work-- to lose maybe 20 to 30 lbs before my March 2008 wedding.
The recovery has been harder for me than I expected, physically and mentally. The behaviors that I have developed over years of emotional eating are still there.
Here's what I am freaking out about:
1) I kinda wish I had had longer to adjust to the band itself and lose some weight before getting engaged. I do not regret getting engaged; I just wish the timing had not overlapped like it did, just for my own personal sanity.
2) I have only told a very, very small handful of people about the surgery (fiance included, of course). So I don't really have the ability to vent much about it.
3) I am afraid that I will "fail" to lose enough weight to meet expectations before the wedding. I mean not just my expectations, but those of the few people (sister, two girlfriends, fiance) who know about it.
4) I am also afraid, in a way, to lose so much weight that the dress I bought will be a mess. It is coming in in January for my late-March wedding, and the bridal tailor told me not to try to lose weight, and now I fear that losing weight will wreck the dress and it won't fit me right.
5) I am afraid that no matter how much weight I will lose, I will still hate my appearance, still shy away from cameras on my wedding day and never be able to look back and have happy memories of the day, only shame and regret.
Finally, back below 220.
The wedding, the wedding. I was doing great for a while, now I am falling behind.
I have a lot of anxiety about things. I have a lot of feelings of inadequacy around my ability to manage the whole endeavor. Probably the thing that I am most ashamed of (and therefore completely unable to discuss with real life friends) is the weight issue.
I hate that I am so "ohmigod I have to be skinny on my SPECIAL DAAAAAAY!!!" about this.
Three weeks before I got engaged, I had my lap-band surgery. I can expect-- with hard work-- to lose maybe 20 to 30 lbs before my March 2008 wedding.
The recovery has been harder for me than I expected, physically and mentally. The behaviors that I have developed over years of emotional eating are still there.
Here's what I am freaking out about:
1) I kinda wish I had had longer to adjust to the band itself and lose some weight before getting engaged. I do not regret getting engaged; I just wish the timing had not overlapped like it did, just for my own personal sanity.
2) I have only told a very, very small handful of people about the surgery (fiance included, of course). So I don't really have the ability to vent much about it.
3) I am afraid that I will "fail" to lose enough weight to meet expectations before the wedding. I mean not just my expectations, but those of the few people (sister, two girlfriends, fiance) who know about it.
4) I am also afraid, in a way, to lose so much weight that the dress I bought will be a mess. It is coming in in January for my late-March wedding, and the bridal tailor told me not to try to lose weight, and now I fear that losing weight will wreck the dress and it won't fit me right.
5) I am afraid that no matter how much weight I will lose, I will still hate my appearance, still shy away from cameras on my wedding day and never be able to look back and have happy memories of the day, only shame and regret.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
cheap protein sources
For 100 calories:
canned lite white or albacore tuna (about 3 oz.) - 22 g
fresh raw tuna (about 3.3 oz) - 22 g
egg whites (about 3/4 cup raw) - 21 g
white fish like cod, tilapia (about 3.5 - 4.5 oz. raw) - 21 g
Egg Beaters original (about 3/4 cup and 1 Tbsp raw) - 20 g
boneless, skinless chicken breast (about 3.33 oz. raw) - 20 g
Unjury protein powder (one scoop) - 20 g
shrimp (about 3.33 oz. raw) - 19 g
lite firm tofu (about 7 oz. raw) - 18 g
salmon (about 3 oz. raw) - 17 g
1% milkfat cottage cheese (about 2/3 cup) - 17 g
A lot of the "traditional" protein sources that we think about-- milk, beef, cheese, yogurt-- have varying levels of fat and other nutritionals in them that bump up the calorie count for a specific serving, making them, although excellent protein sources, not on my list of "cheapies." Feel free to research and enlighten me to others. I do a lot of my nutritional research using the huge, free database at CalorieKing.
canned lite white or albacore tuna (about 3 oz.) - 22 g
fresh raw tuna (about 3.3 oz) - 22 g
egg whites (about 3/4 cup raw) - 21 g
white fish like cod, tilapia (about 3.5 - 4.5 oz. raw) - 21 g
Egg Beaters original (about 3/4 cup and 1 Tbsp raw) - 20 g
boneless, skinless chicken breast (about 3.33 oz. raw) - 20 g
Unjury protein powder (one scoop) - 20 g
shrimp (about 3.33 oz. raw) - 19 g
lite firm tofu (about 7 oz. raw) - 18 g
salmon (about 3 oz. raw) - 17 g
1% milkfat cottage cheese (about 2/3 cup) - 17 g
A lot of the "traditional" protein sources that we think about-- milk, beef, cheese, yogurt-- have varying levels of fat and other nutritionals in them that bump up the calorie count for a specific serving, making them, although excellent protein sources, not on my list of "cheapies." Feel free to research and enlighten me to others. I do a lot of my nutritional research using the huge, free database at CalorieKing.
i love the cold mornings
221.0
I love when the cold mornings set in. Fall and Spring are my favorite seasons because I love the transition and contrast: I love going from see-your-breath cold to short-sleeves-and-flip-flops warm all in one day. It makes me feel alive.
This morning is the first day I have run since my surgery. I have been too chicken to do it, because I so hate finding out just how much fitness I've lost after a long-- in this case, rounding on 8 weeks-- break. Also, the last three weeks of my life have been really personally stressful in a way that has robbed me of nearly all of my free time. So sleeping a little extra in the morning, after being up until 2 or 3 a.m., has been part of my excuse.
I ran the better part of two miles and then walked my dog another mile. The cold air, predictably, burned in my lungs but things like that are "good pain" to me. I did realize that I'll probably want to go get a couple long-sleeve tees cheap at Target to run in. Last winter I was laid up inside starting right about now until March because of a series of problems: a pulled Achilles, a wretched bout of strep, and then an even worse case of the hives. This winter none of those things will put me out of the game. That is my goal: to run all winter.
I didn't run the Army Ten-Miler last weekend, as I had planned to do all year long, since running it last year. I can't describe how frustrated and humiliated I was, sitting by the finish line, waiting for my friends to finish. I wanted to be running with them, pulling down a better time than the year before. I have, since my running career started in early 2006, completed exactly four races: three 5k's and that one Army Ten-Miler. I have, however, signed up for three races that I didn't make it to: the November 2006 Silver Comet Half-Marathon, the January 2007 Disney Half-Marathon, and now, the October 2007 Army Ten-Miler. Each race I've missed still rankles me. I really, really want to run at least one half-marathon, just to say I did it. At least once.
However, it seems that setting a goal on a particular half-marathon (and then missing it) has just demoralized me. So I am just going to focus on getting into half-marathon shape and not set my sights on a particular race right now.
So, 2 miles this morning running, 1 mile walking. I'm going to add another mile to that total tonight when I walk my dog again. And count my calories today.
I also am getting more and more anxious about losing weight for the wedding. I have done really well in the last week, since getting home from DC-- with the exception of yesterday, eating out both lunch and dinner-- of staying around 1,000 calories and focusing on getting protein in. I want very badly to like my appearance enough on my wedding to not cringe in every photograph like I do now.
I am not a normally vain girl. My haircuts are always very utilitarian and my morning beauty routine is: brush teeth, shower, blowdry hair half-dry (e.g. leave the ends damp to prevent damage), deoderant & perfume, dress. I don't wear make-up and my hair is long but I don't fuss with it at all. The only reason I dry it is that its relatively thick, which means it takes most of the day to air-dry and my office environment, being business-casual, wouldn't really tolerate that.
I also don't dye my naturally medium-blonde hair. When I get it cut, which is about once a year, I just get a couple inches hacked off and keep it long and blunt. But my sister-- who has gorgeous, thick, wavy, chesnut-brown hair-- has been working on me lately about needing a more stylish cut and color for my wedding. My pragmatic side doesn't want to fall for it, but part of me really wants to be pretty, just the one time.
So, here's my goal: to get under 200 lbs. by the end of the year, and to reward myself with a cut-and-color appointment at a very hip, very well-reviewed salon in my city: Adore. I have two and a half months to accomplish this goal, and my first fill is a week from today! I think it can be done. I will be thrilled with myself if I can get there.
Morning exercise:
2 miles running, 1 mile walking: ~450 calories burned
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein
16 oz. coffee (cooled slightly) - 0 cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
4 oz. shrimp, sauteed with garlic, 1 tsp olive oil, broccoli - 257 cals, 30.2 g protein
Snack:
1/2 cup Mayfield lowfat cottage cheese - 80 cals, 12 g of protein
Dinner:
homemade chicken, onion, mushroom & 1/2 cup rice lettuce wraps - 591 cals, 45.3 g protein
Evening exercise:
1 mile walking ~ 150 cals
Total: 1,063 cals, 108 g of protein
Deficit: 1,306 cals
I love when the cold mornings set in. Fall and Spring are my favorite seasons because I love the transition and contrast: I love going from see-your-breath cold to short-sleeves-and-flip-flops warm all in one day. It makes me feel alive.
This morning is the first day I have run since my surgery. I have been too chicken to do it, because I so hate finding out just how much fitness I've lost after a long-- in this case, rounding on 8 weeks-- break. Also, the last three weeks of my life have been really personally stressful in a way that has robbed me of nearly all of my free time. So sleeping a little extra in the morning, after being up until 2 or 3 a.m., has been part of my excuse.
I ran the better part of two miles and then walked my dog another mile. The cold air, predictably, burned in my lungs but things like that are "good pain" to me. I did realize that I'll probably want to go get a couple long-sleeve tees cheap at Target to run in. Last winter I was laid up inside starting right about now until March because of a series of problems: a pulled Achilles, a wretched bout of strep, and then an even worse case of the hives. This winter none of those things will put me out of the game. That is my goal: to run all winter.
I didn't run the Army Ten-Miler last weekend, as I had planned to do all year long, since running it last year. I can't describe how frustrated and humiliated I was, sitting by the finish line, waiting for my friends to finish. I wanted to be running with them, pulling down a better time than the year before. I have, since my running career started in early 2006, completed exactly four races: three 5k's and that one Army Ten-Miler. I have, however, signed up for three races that I didn't make it to: the November 2006 Silver Comet Half-Marathon, the January 2007 Disney Half-Marathon, and now, the October 2007 Army Ten-Miler. Each race I've missed still rankles me. I really, really want to run at least one half-marathon, just to say I did it. At least once.
However, it seems that setting a goal on a particular half-marathon (and then missing it) has just demoralized me. So I am just going to focus on getting into half-marathon shape and not set my sights on a particular race right now.
So, 2 miles this morning running, 1 mile walking. I'm going to add another mile to that total tonight when I walk my dog again. And count my calories today.
I also am getting more and more anxious about losing weight for the wedding. I have done really well in the last week, since getting home from DC-- with the exception of yesterday, eating out both lunch and dinner-- of staying around 1,000 calories and focusing on getting protein in. I want very badly to like my appearance enough on my wedding to not cringe in every photograph like I do now.
I am not a normally vain girl. My haircuts are always very utilitarian and my morning beauty routine is: brush teeth, shower, blowdry hair half-dry (e.g. leave the ends damp to prevent damage), deoderant & perfume, dress. I don't wear make-up and my hair is long but I don't fuss with it at all. The only reason I dry it is that its relatively thick, which means it takes most of the day to air-dry and my office environment, being business-casual, wouldn't really tolerate that.
I also don't dye my naturally medium-blonde hair. When I get it cut, which is about once a year, I just get a couple inches hacked off and keep it long and blunt. But my sister-- who has gorgeous, thick, wavy, chesnut-brown hair-- has been working on me lately about needing a more stylish cut and color for my wedding. My pragmatic side doesn't want to fall for it, but part of me really wants to be pretty, just the one time.
So, here's my goal: to get under 200 lbs. by the end of the year, and to reward myself with a cut-and-color appointment at a very hip, very well-reviewed salon in my city: Adore. I have two and a half months to accomplish this goal, and my first fill is a week from today! I think it can be done. I will be thrilled with myself if I can get there.
Morning exercise:
2 miles running, 1 mile walking: ~450 calories burned
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein
16 oz. coffee (cooled slightly) - 0 cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
4 oz. shrimp, sauteed with garlic, 1 tsp olive oil, broccoli - 257 cals, 30.2 g protein
Snack:
1/2 cup Mayfield lowfat cottage cheese - 80 cals, 12 g of protein
Dinner:
homemade chicken, onion, mushroom & 1/2 cup rice lettuce wraps - 591 cals, 45.3 g protein
Evening exercise:
1 mile walking ~ 150 cals
Total: 1,063 cals, 108 g of protein
Deficit: 1,306 cals
Thursday, October 11, 2007
i hate lean cuisines
221.4
For whatever reason, that Lean Cuisine-- which packs slightly more protein and calories-- isn't holding me over, hunger-wise, like the tuna kits have for the past couple of days. I'm a little grumpy, a little tired from working until 10:30 p.m. last night: a 14-hour day. Tonight I have some leftover lettuce wraps. I really, really need to go to the grocery store. Maybe on the way home tonight.
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein
16 oz. mocha java coffee (cooled slightly) - o cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
1 chicken in peanut sauce Lean Cuisine - 280 cals, 22 g protein
Snack:
1 Weight Watchers fat-free blueberry yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
Dinner:
TBD
Total: 515 cals, 48.5 g protein
For whatever reason, that Lean Cuisine-- which packs slightly more protein and calories-- isn't holding me over, hunger-wise, like the tuna kits have for the past couple of days. I'm a little grumpy, a little tired from working until 10:30 p.m. last night: a 14-hour day. Tonight I have some leftover lettuce wraps. I really, really need to go to the grocery store. Maybe on the way home tonight.
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein
16 oz. mocha java coffee (cooled slightly) - o cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
1 chicken in peanut sauce Lean Cuisine - 280 cals, 22 g protein
Snack:
1 Weight Watchers fat-free blueberry yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
Dinner:
TBD
Total: 515 cals, 48.5 g protein
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
i passed up cake, people: good, fancy bakery cake
220.8
The actual only reason I am bothering to blog today is to report that we had cake at the office for October birthdays-- we get them every month from a fantastically good local bakery-- and I passed it up. Good cake, people, and I didn't have a tiny morsel. I haven't cruised past to look at what I'm missing.
Today is going to look alot like yesteday, except that I have to work late, which probably means ordering in (eep).
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein16 oz.
mocha java coffee (cooled slightly) - o cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
1 Starkist albacore tuna kit (tuna, reduced calorie mayonnaise, relish, crackers) - 250 cals, 19 g protein
Snack:
1 Weight Watchers fat-free vanilla yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
Dinner:
Jason's Deli turkey reuben - 437 cals, 38 g of protein
fresh fruit cup - 50 cals, 0 g protein
Total: 972 cals, 83.5 g protein
The actual only reason I am bothering to blog today is to report that we had cake at the office for October birthdays-- we get them every month from a fantastically good local bakery-- and I passed it up. Good cake, people, and I didn't have a tiny morsel. I haven't cruised past to look at what I'm missing.
Today is going to look alot like yesteday, except that I have to work late, which probably means ordering in (eep).
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein16 oz.
mocha java coffee (cooled slightly) - o cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
1 Starkist albacore tuna kit (tuna, reduced calorie mayonnaise, relish, crackers) - 250 cals, 19 g protein
Snack:
1 Weight Watchers fat-free vanilla yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
Dinner:
Jason's Deli turkey reuben - 437 cals, 38 g of protein
fresh fruit cup - 50 cals, 0 g protein
Total: 972 cals, 83.5 g protein
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
hating myself
222.8
Today, even though I hate myself, I am Officially Trying. I got back from a weekend trip to Washington, D.C. to visit with (not fat) married friends. The weekend, as usual, left me vaguely depressed. I felt huge and fat the whole time, ashamed to be eating in front of them. My girlfriend knows I had the "lapdance" and, I guess, expected me to already be having the restricted appetite-- completely untrue as I haven't had a fill.
She also arranged a big dinner, with 8 people, at Fogo de Chao, which was basically the last thing on earth I wanted to do. I don't care for all-you-can-eat restaurants to begin with, and it was expensive-- $75! And I only had one drink, and water with dinner elsewise. I tried not to stuff myself-- I just grazed-- and I was pleased that when I looked around the table, everyone else was eating more than me, usually lots and lots more. So I don't feel like a total failure. But the truth is, the total of the calories I took in the other night is probably horrific.
I am recovering from that, and trying to "be bandy" today. That means:
* trying for 65 grams of protein
* staying under 1,000 calories
* not drinking with meals
* eating protein first, then fruits & veggies
* getting exercise in
* getting 6+ cups of water and decaf tea in
* minimizing sugar and sweetened treats
I didn't, truth be told, get up and run this morning. I have had a lot of "morning dread" lately: dreading going into work, dreading getting on the scale (which I am compelled to do), dreading failing at my diet all day long because I am weak, weak, weak. I am picking up my dog from my sister this evening, and we will definitely get a good long walk in together. I know he misses me and I miss him, and the regular rhythm of our daily (sometimes twice-daily) walks.
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein
16 oz. mocha java coffee (cooled slightly) - o cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
1 Starkist albacore tuna kit (tuna, reduced calorie mayonnaise, relish, crackers) - 250 cals, 19 g protein
Snack:
1 Weight Watchers fat-free strawberry yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
Dinner:
homemade chicken stir-fry with 1/2 cup white rice, 1 cup broccoli
Total: 1,076 cals, 90.8 g protein
For dinner I am thinking either a chicken breast, grilled, with some frozen veggies from the freezer. I don't think I have any brown rice left, but I do have some whole wheat pasta. I dunno. I might try to make myself go without a starch, that's hard for me, though. Or maybe I will do a stir-fry with frozen veggies. I also have some shrimp in the freezer and I have been a little sick of chicken lately. But in any case, I have what I need at home, so that's good.
Instead of the above, I made a chicken stir-fry loosely based on this recipe for shrimp lettuce wraps, recommended to me by a friend. I didn't have orange marmalade, so I subbed in apricot preserves. I also used 1 heaping teaspoon of red pepper flakes instead of the regular pepper. I didn't have any lettuce, either, so I mixed the cooked chicken up with a cup of steamed broccoli and slapped in a half-cup of white rice. It was good, if a little salty. I imagine that loaded into a lettuce leaf, it would have been perfect.
Today, even though I hate myself, I am Officially Trying. I got back from a weekend trip to Washington, D.C. to visit with (not fat) married friends. The weekend, as usual, left me vaguely depressed. I felt huge and fat the whole time, ashamed to be eating in front of them. My girlfriend knows I had the "lapdance" and, I guess, expected me to already be having the restricted appetite-- completely untrue as I haven't had a fill.
She also arranged a big dinner, with 8 people, at Fogo de Chao, which was basically the last thing on earth I wanted to do. I don't care for all-you-can-eat restaurants to begin with, and it was expensive-- $75! And I only had one drink, and water with dinner elsewise. I tried not to stuff myself-- I just grazed-- and I was pleased that when I looked around the table, everyone else was eating more than me, usually lots and lots more. So I don't feel like a total failure. But the truth is, the total of the calories I took in the other night is probably horrific.
I am recovering from that, and trying to "be bandy" today. That means:
* trying for 65 grams of protein
* staying under 1,000 calories
* not drinking with meals
* eating protein first, then fruits & veggies
* getting exercise in
* getting 6+ cups of water and decaf tea in
* minimizing sugar and sweetened treats
I didn't, truth be told, get up and run this morning. I have had a lot of "morning dread" lately: dreading going into work, dreading getting on the scale (which I am compelled to do), dreading failing at my diet all day long because I am weak, weak, weak. I am picking up my dog from my sister this evening, and we will definitely get a good long walk in together. I know he misses me and I miss him, and the regular rhythm of our daily (sometimes twice-daily) walks.
Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein
16 oz. mocha java coffee (cooled slightly) - o cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein
Lunch:
1 Starkist albacore tuna kit (tuna, reduced calorie mayonnaise, relish, crackers) - 250 cals, 19 g protein
Snack:
1 Weight Watchers fat-free strawberry yogurt - 100 cals, 6 g of protein
Dinner:
homemade chicken stir-fry with 1/2 cup white rice, 1 cup broccoli
Total: 1,076 cals, 90.8 g protein
For dinner I am thinking either a chicken breast, grilled, with some frozen veggies from the freezer. I don't think I have any brown rice left, but I do have some whole wheat pasta. I dunno. I might try to make myself go without a starch, that's hard for me, though. Or maybe I will do a stir-fry with frozen veggies. I also have some shrimp in the freezer and I have been a little sick of chicken lately. But in any case, I have what I need at home, so that's good.
Instead of the above, I made a chicken stir-fry loosely based on this recipe for shrimp lettuce wraps, recommended to me by a friend. I didn't have orange marmalade, so I subbed in apricot preserves. I also used 1 heaping teaspoon of red pepper flakes instead of the regular pepper. I didn't have any lettuce, either, so I mixed the cooked chicken up with a cup of steamed broccoli and slapped in a half-cup of white rice. It was good, if a little salty. I imagine that loaded into a lettuce leaf, it would have been perfect.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
first fill scheduled
October 20th, 11:40 a.m. That's two and a half weeks away. I hope I can retain my sanity-- and at least my 8-lb net loss-- until then.
6 weeks out
221.0
Well, technically, tomorrow is the 6-week marker for me. I forced myself onto the scale this morning-- I've gained back 8 lbs of the 16 I lost between the pre-op and post-op diets.
I want to just throw myself under a bus, I am so depressed about that. I feel like I'm sliding back into old habits, like I am throwing away that $10,000 opportunity that I gave myself. My wedding, also, is 172 days away and I don't care how cliche it is-- I hate that I'm not super-motivated by that and busting ass at the gym 2 hours a day.
To be fair to myself: I've been eating a lot of salads and Lean Cuisines and lean protein. I've also been working insane hours (2 or 3 a.m. most of last week), and a family friend died last week. It was not unexpected, but death is never expected. I spent a good part of the last week taking care of the family as much as I could. Those things, work + funeral, meant that I didn't get any running and very, very little walking done last week (my dog hates me).
I can get my fill as early as tomorrow. However, I am planning on using Fill Centers USA and I've heard that they only have services on Saturdays in Atlanta. This coming weekend I'm going to D.C. to visit with friends, so it'll have to be next weekend. I really need to get on the stick and call and schedule an appointment! I need a fill!
I was supposed to run the Army Ten Miler in D.C. this weekend with my friends. As it turned out, my surgery was right at a critical time for me to build mileage, and then after my three-week no-running restriction was lifted, I immediately came down with a stupid cold. Stupid enough to put me out for a week. And then last week happened, with my friend's family crisis, and my boss threatening things like "no promotion" and "a Performance Improvement Plan" if I didn't bust my ass and make all my deadlines anyway. And now I'm at today, five days from the race. I could do it if it were a 5k (3 miles) but I'm just asking for pain and to be very, very sorry afterwards if I tried to do the 10 miler. I know my friends will be disappointed, but I just can't do it.
Part of me is so depressed about this that I want to fall headfirst into a pint of Haagen-Daas after a severe pizza bender. Believe it or not, I've stayed away from ice cream (a major, major binge trigger for me), and though I've had pizza and some other "bad" things, I really haven't gone overboard. In fact, I've been eating less than I usually do, and it kills me that I've gained! Eight! Pounds!
As far as restriction goes, I don't have much. I do have to eat slower, take smaller bites, chew more thoroughly. If I'm not careful with things like thick bread or a big hunk of chicken, I get a "golf ball" feeling but it passes. I do seem to be able to stay fuller longer, but its not like, two bites of a sandwich and I'm good all day. Its more like, I eat 3/4 of what I'd normally eat and can go an extra 2 hours between meals without getting all tummy-rumbly and grumpy.
Well, technically, tomorrow is the 6-week marker for me. I forced myself onto the scale this morning-- I've gained back 8 lbs of the 16 I lost between the pre-op and post-op diets.
I want to just throw myself under a bus, I am so depressed about that. I feel like I'm sliding back into old habits, like I am throwing away that $10,000 opportunity that I gave myself. My wedding, also, is 172 days away and I don't care how cliche it is-- I hate that I'm not super-motivated by that and busting ass at the gym 2 hours a day.
To be fair to myself: I've been eating a lot of salads and Lean Cuisines and lean protein. I've also been working insane hours (2 or 3 a.m. most of last week), and a family friend died last week. It was not unexpected, but death is never expected. I spent a good part of the last week taking care of the family as much as I could. Those things, work + funeral, meant that I didn't get any running and very, very little walking done last week (my dog hates me).
I can get my fill as early as tomorrow. However, I am planning on using Fill Centers USA and I've heard that they only have services on Saturdays in Atlanta. This coming weekend I'm going to D.C. to visit with friends, so it'll have to be next weekend. I really need to get on the stick and call and schedule an appointment! I need a fill!
I was supposed to run the Army Ten Miler in D.C. this weekend with my friends. As it turned out, my surgery was right at a critical time for me to build mileage, and then after my three-week no-running restriction was lifted, I immediately came down with a stupid cold. Stupid enough to put me out for a week. And then last week happened, with my friend's family crisis, and my boss threatening things like "no promotion" and "a Performance Improvement Plan" if I didn't bust my ass and make all my deadlines anyway. And now I'm at today, five days from the race. I could do it if it were a 5k (3 miles) but I'm just asking for pain and to be very, very sorry afterwards if I tried to do the 10 miler. I know my friends will be disappointed, but I just can't do it.
Part of me is so depressed about this that I want to fall headfirst into a pint of Haagen-Daas after a severe pizza bender. Believe it or not, I've stayed away from ice cream (a major, major binge trigger for me), and though I've had pizza and some other "bad" things, I really haven't gone overboard. In fact, I've been eating less than I usually do, and it kills me that I've gained! Eight! Pounds!
As far as restriction goes, I don't have much. I do have to eat slower, take smaller bites, chew more thoroughly. If I'm not careful with things like thick bread or a big hunk of chicken, I get a "golf ball" feeling but it passes. I do seem to be able to stay fuller longer, but its not like, two bites of a sandwich and I'm good all day. Its more like, I eat 3/4 of what I'd normally eat and can go an extra 2 hours between meals without getting all tummy-rumbly and grumpy.
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