i love the cold mornings

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I love when the cold mornings set in. Fall and Spring are my favorite seasons because I love the transition and contrast: I love going from see-your-breath cold to short-sleeves-and-flip-flops warm all in one day. It makes me feel alive.

This morning is the first day I have run since my surgery. I have been too chicken to do it, because I so hate finding out just how much fitness I've lost after a long-- in this case, rounding on 8 weeks-- break. Also, the last three weeks of my life have been really personally stressful in a way that has robbed me of nearly all of my free time. So sleeping a little extra in the morning, after being up until 2 or 3 a.m., has been part of my excuse.

I ran the better part of two miles and then walked my dog another mile. The cold air, predictably, burned in my lungs but things like that are "good pain" to me. I did realize that I'll probably want to go get a couple long-sleeve tees cheap at Target to run in. Last winter I was laid up inside starting right about now until March because of a series of problems: a pulled Achilles, a wretched bout of strep, and then an even worse case of the hives. This winter none of those things will put me out of the game. That is my goal: to run all winter.

I didn't run the Army Ten-Miler last weekend, as I had planned to do all year long, since running it last year. I can't describe how frustrated and humiliated I was, sitting by the finish line, waiting for my friends to finish. I wanted to be running with them, pulling down a better time than the year before. I have, since my running career started in early 2006, completed exactly four races: three 5k's and that one Army Ten-Miler. I have, however, signed up for three races that I didn't make it to: the November 2006 Silver Comet Half-Marathon, the January 2007 Disney Half-Marathon, and now, the October 2007 Army Ten-Miler. Each race I've missed still rankles me. I really, really want to run at least one half-marathon, just to say I did it. At least once.

However, it seems that setting a goal on a particular half-marathon (and then missing it) has just demoralized me. So I am just going to focus on getting into half-marathon shape and not set my sights on a particular race right now.

So, 2 miles this morning running, 1 mile walking. I'm going to add another mile to that total tonight when I walk my dog again. And count my calories today.

I also am getting more and more anxious about losing weight for the wedding. I have done really well in the last week, since getting home from DC-- with the exception of yesterday, eating out both lunch and dinner-- of staying around 1,000 calories and focusing on getting protein in. I want very badly to like my appearance enough on my wedding to not cringe in every photograph like I do now.

I am not a normally vain girl. My haircuts are always very utilitarian and my morning beauty routine is: brush teeth, shower, blowdry hair half-dry (e.g. leave the ends damp to prevent damage), deoderant & perfume, dress. I don't wear make-up and my hair is long but I don't fuss with it at all. The only reason I dry it is that its relatively thick, which means it takes most of the day to air-dry and my office environment, being business-casual, wouldn't really tolerate that.

I also don't dye my naturally medium-blonde hair. When I get it cut, which is about once a year, I just get a couple inches hacked off and keep it long and blunt. But my sister-- who has gorgeous, thick, wavy, chesnut-brown hair-- has been working on me lately about needing a more stylish cut and color for my wedding. My pragmatic side doesn't want to fall for it, but part of me really wants to be pretty, just the one time.

So, here's my goal: to get under 200 lbs. by the end of the year, and to reward myself with a cut-and-color appointment at a very hip, very well-reviewed salon in my city: Adore. I have two and a half months to accomplish this goal, and my first fill is a week from today! I think it can be done. I will be thrilled with myself if I can get there.

Morning exercise:
2 miles running, 1 mile walking: ~450 calories burned

Breakfast:
1 scoop of Unjury chocolate - 100 cals, 20 g protein
2 tbsp Land o' Lakes half and half - 35 cals, 0.5 g protein
16 oz. coffee (cooled slightly) - 0 cals, 0 protein
1 Flintstone vitamin - 0 cals, 0 protein

Lunch:
4 oz. shrimp, sauteed with garlic, 1 tsp olive oil, broccoli - 257 cals, 30.2 g protein

Snack:
1/2 cup Mayfield lowfat cottage cheese - 80 cals, 12 g of protein

Dinner:
homemade chicken, onion, mushroom & 1/2 cup rice lettuce wraps - 591 cals, 45.3 g protein

Evening exercise:
1 mile walking ~ 150 cals

Total: 1,063 cals, 108 g of protein
Deficit: 1,306 cals