day 3

Friday at last, my day to return home. We're still in Tijuana. We are catching a ride to the aiport in a few hours, though. Several hours will be spent crossing the border so I am a little anxious about making it to the airport in time, and I certainly won't be running to the terminal under any circumstances.

My recovery is proceeding very well. Better than expected, even. I have minimal pain; mostly I am just uncomfortable. I am like a baby that needs to be burped often-- literally. All the "gas pain" I read about before I decided to go through with this has expressed itself as very unladylike burps and belches, not the traditional "gas" I expected.

On Day 1, I consumed nothing but IV fluids as I was having trouble with nausea. Yesterday, Day 2, I had about a half-cup of chicken broth in the morning at the OCC clinic, half a small juice box in the early afternoon and the remainder of that juice box a few hours later in my hotel room, and about a cup of chicken broth at the hotel restaurant at supper time. I was stuffed all day long, managing only small sips of water between my "meals." I know I need to work harder to get fluids in, but I know I am still well-hydrated from 24 hours of IV fluids so I'm not stressing yet.

Today is Day 3, and I haven't begun yet, but I'm not hungry. Its a blessing and a curse because I'm also still very tired, and at least part of that has to be because of my very limited caloric intake. I walk often, as per the surgeon's instructions, which should (and does seem to) help with the gas and cramps.

I have a very, very small worry about the heaving I did during the evening of Day 1. I seem to have that reaction to anaesthesia, and though the nurses calmed me quickly with instructions to take deep breaths and by administering extra shots of the anti-nausea meds (the name of such has been erased from my memory by the pain meds), still I worry that I pulled some stitches and that my band has or will slip. But only time will tell, and I know that the chances of that having happened are minimal.

I am looking forward to being home tonight, in my own bed. With my dog and kitties, with my familiar nightlights and easy grope to the bathroom that I can do with my eyes squeezed shut. I want to feel like I am back to normal.

I am not weighing myself for a while yet. My entire abdomen from breasts on down is swollen noticeably. I know that fluid will dissipate in time, but right now, I don't think I need the scale to tell me I'm heavier. The kind of betadine the surgeons used doesn't wash off right away, and they used Durabond (like superglue) on top of my incisions, so my belly is still a frightening pastiche of mustard yellow, streaks of blood trapped under the Durabond, and fresh incisions which can be seen clearly through the glue. I hate looking at it in the mirror, and hate even more asking M to look at it to make sure everything is doing what its supposed to, but I know that that is an important part of making sure my post-op healing is proceeding well, so I do it.

I have considered taking a picture for posterity, so I can compare the blissfully minimal scars later to the ugly mess my belly is right now. I plan to pick up some scar care cream at the drugstore this weekend when I go to get my Baby Killing Ring. I am very fair and scar easily and so I'm hoping to start using that stuff as soon as the Durabond washes away to minimize the permanent scars as much as possible.

That said, only one is really significant. I have four small incisions of about a half-inch in length each where the laparscopy tools went in. Three are aligned in a diagonal starting at the middle of my abdomen just under my breasts, down to the left edge of my tummy just a tad north of my belly button. The fourth small incision is just about right in the middle but slightly to the right side of my tummy. The largest incision, the one the lap band itself went through, is about an inch and a half long and is oriented perfectly horizontally, several inches above and to the left of my belly button. My port rests about an inch below that incision, it rests under the skin and the tubing snakes out it, through the abdominal muscles, and up to the band itself. I'm still too swollen to be able to properly palpate it. The surgeons ensured me that I'd be able to feel it in a few days but that it wouldn't be visible under my skin.

The nutritionist said I could start on full liquids, well-blended, as early as Day 4 (tomorrow!) if I feel up to; she particularly recommended those drinkable yogurts. So I don't plan any heroic feats of seven days of chicken broth and children's juice boxes, but I'm also not going to make myself move on to full liquids until I get an appetite back. I've not really been hungry these last two days. Last night at dinner, seeing M's plate full of beef fajitas with authentic, freshly-made guacamole (I love guacomole) made me a little "head hungry" but only in that way that like when you've eaten a full meal and are totally satisfied and think, "Gee, what so-and-so is eating looks tasty," not in a way where I seriously considered leaning over and swiping a taste.

I haven't decided what to do about pictures yet. I got M to take a couple shots on the balcony the morning before I went in for surgery as my pre-op "before" shots. I haven'g gotten one of my post-op belly, but I think I should. Maybe now is not the time to post them, but I might later, after I have lost some weight and can compare them to something happier.

So far, I have to say that I the entire process has been easier than I thought it would be. I'm excited to be post-op, excited to start losing weight again (finally), excited to have new goals that are actually reachable.

My goals? Well, at OCC the nutritionist weighed me one one of those body-fat scales. So I know that I am, at 5'2", 130 lbs of lean muscle, bones and tissue. I weighed 221 in her office. She feels that losing 50 - 60 lbs would be ideal for my frame, which puts me at a final goal of about 160. I think if I got down to the 150's, I would be thrilled. But more I am looking to be fit and in a healthy weight range, than to reach a certain size or number on the scale. I know I have a large frame for such a short girl.