i hate my job today: day 10

214.4

Still losing! Total loss of 14.6 lbs so far! Go, me!

Yesterday was a terrible day at work. I had to move my Dallas vacation to the following weekend, and turn it into a long weekend rather than a whole week, to the tune of $600. I am seriously stressed about some projects at work, about my billable hours for August (abysmal, thanks to a vacation and my lap dance). My comforting friend, food, has deserted me.

Yesterday:

1 blueberry smoothie made with 1 small juice box (100 cals), 2/3 cup blueberries (55 cals), and 1 scoop of unflavored Unjury (80 cals), 1/2 cup pureed split pea soup (95 cals) with 2 Tbsp sharp shredded cheddar mixed in (60 cals), the better part of a 10-oz serving of Atlanta Bread Company tomato soup (130 cals) with the innards of a sourdough roll picked apart into tiny shreds and stirred into the soup, yes I know that is against the rules, (~80 cals). Total: 600 calories.

Today:

1 scoop of chocolate-flavored Unjury (100 cals) in 8 oz. of 2% milk (120 cals), which was spectacular. It tasted so much like a chocolate malt milkshake that I think I'm going to freeze some milk into ice cubes and make actual shakes in the mornings from that stuff. DIVINE. 1/2 cup tomato soup (43 cals) with 1 tablespoon tomato-basil feta stirred in (23 cals) for lunch. A Dannon Light 'n' Fit strawberry banana smoothie for snack time (70 cals). I have no idea on supper yet.

Normally I go for 1% milk, which differs very little caloricly from skim milk, but which I find to be much more palatable. But we don't have any milk at home and so I bought a little milk carton from the cafe in my office building on my way in.

I need to shop tonight or tomorrow morning, as the only soup I have left in the house is a little bit of split pea and some frozen black bean that I was planning to save. My latest issue of Cooking Light came a few days ago, and in it I found a really simple recipe for cream of baked potato soup! I even have a couple ingredients at home still-- reduced-fat sour cream and sharp cheddar shreds. I think some baked potato soup would be really filling right now. I'm starting to get my hunger back.

I'm also planning to pick up some milk for the Unjury, yogurt, frozen strawberries, a few more ready-made soups, and some supplies to keep M from eating nothing but fast food while I am stuck on liquids.

The Dermabond has worn completely off of one of my incisions, the small one that falls, annoyingly, right at my bra line. The scar underneath is small, pink, and healthy-looking. I am pleased. My other incisions, especially Big Papa, have started to itch something fierce. It takes a lot of conscious thinking to prevent myself from scratching the Dermabond right off! But I have heard that the itching is a good sign that the skin is healing, so I am pleased with that, too.

My pain at the port incision (and in the underlying muscle) and my gas problems are really all that's left, and both are much improved. I am still, also, really exhausted, basically all day. I could lay down and go to sleep within 5 minutes at basically any point in my day. Probably most shocking, I have a very difficult time getting up in the morning, and I am such a morning person! I am used to bounding out of bed at the first or second alarm (snooze button's a bitch) after 7 or 7.5 hours of restful sleep, and running and walking my dog. These days, I sleep 10 - 11 hours and am still groggy in the morning. I blame part of it on healing, part of it on my very limited caloric intake, and part on the fact that I haven't been walking much or running at all. I know that exercise always makes me feel more energetic. I am looking forward to getting back into my regular routine.

My office closes early today, 1:00 p.m., to celebrate the Labor Day holiday, but I am stuck here all day anyway. Bummer.

day 9

215.0

I am having a nightmarish day at work, and so far I've had another blueberry/Unjury smoothie (235 cals), 1/2 cup of split pea soup (95 cals), 2 Tbsp of shredded cheddar (55 cals). That puts me at 385, and I'm anticipating some Atlanta Bread Company cream of baked potato soup or tomato soup for supper. We'll see.

they got pizza and I didn't!

My hellacious Delta flight last weekend ran out of everything but water and the toilets were plain scary. Man, even though I wouldn't have been able to eat it, it would have been so much nicer to have been stuck on this plane.

day 8

215.4

Wow, another 1.4 lb loss; total loss so far of 13.6 lbs! I know in my heart of hearts that at least some of that, if not most, is fluid loss, as the swelling from my surgery goes down. I also know that without any solid food in my diet, that I'll gain back a couple pounds of intestinal weight once I do start eating solids. But, for now, I love getting on the scale in the morning and seeing a significantly lower number. Its thrilling, when for so many long years, the opposite has almost always been the case!

Yesterday, I didn't even get to 516 calories. I never got around to that midafternoon yogurt, since lunch was so disgusting and made me nauseous all afternoon. I can't believe it, since I normally love corn chowder, and have even had the Whole Foods version before! But it was a gelatinous blob of corn yuck, and I do have a bit of a texture issue with things like that. I just couldn't finish it. So yesterday I ended up 466. Okay, but not ideal.

Today's menu: 1 Unjury unflavored protein (80 cals) shake made with a juice box (100 cals), about 2/3 cup frozen blueberries (55 cals), and a heaping tablespoon of Splenda (0 cals) for breakfast. 1/2 cup tomato soup (43 cals) with 1 tablespoon tomato-basil feta (23 cals) for lunch. 1 Dannon Light 'n' Fit strawberry and banana smoothie for an afternoon snack (70 cals). 1/2 cup pureed split pea soup (95 cals) and 2 tablespoons shredded extra sharp Cracker Barrel cheese (60 cals). Total for the day: 526 cals

Today is Wednesday. Tomorrow night, Thursday, M is taking me out on a much-anticipated Big Date that he has been planning to lift my spirits after my surgery. We are going to Brio, which is where we went for our first date! They have a lobster bisque that I adore, making it a good choice right now while I'm still recovering. I have a pretty blue dress that I haven't had a chance to wear yet, and some cute white sandals. I bought both of them for our trip to Jamaica in November but I think they deserve a night out on the town.

Then, Friday night is our last night before we leave to go visit M's parents and siblings. We have to take our dog up to my sister's that night, as well as do a lot of packing. So tonight I have lots of laundry and cleaning to do. I hate leaving the house a mess, and coming back after a week of vacation to a dirty house!

I can't lie; I am dreading the plane trip on Saturday a little. It will be only a week and a day after my last, and very traumatizing, plane trip. Ah, well, it can't be helped. Part of me, too, doesn't really want to spend a week with my almost-in-laws. But M really does, and I want to be with M. I just wish I could do that, and spend a week in pajamas, reading and playing Zelda on the Wii. Now that's a vacation.

unjury ululations: day 7

216.8

Okay. I have a New Favorite Thing: Unjury.

I ordered some before I left for Mexico, having been sorely disappointed with the selection I picked up at GNC for testing. Unjury was highly and broadly recommended on one of the forums I have been reading for information, so I decided to take a chance and order some.

This morning, I took it out of the box, opened the lid, and smelled it. It smells pleasant, like malted milk powder. Then, I made my first Unjury protein shake: 1 small 6 oz. juice box, about 8 frozen strawberries, a heaping tablespoon of Splenda, and a scoop of unflavored Unjury. Total calories: 211

My blender is superpowerful, so the result came out at about the consistency of whipped cream, not a smoothie consistency. However, it is delicious. I don't mean, "oh, its tolerable," I mean, "its really yummy!" It tastes a little bit like a malted strawberry milkshake. It made so much, though. Only half of it went in my travel tumbler; the rest went in a glass and into the fridge. I have not even conquered 2/3 of the tumbler since starting on it two hours ago, but that's okay. I will finish it before lunch and then have the rest after supper tonight.

I do think that next time I ought to make the smoothie first, then gently stir in the Unjury to prevent the frothing from happening.

Today's menu: 1 very large strawberry and unflavored Unjury shake (211 cals), 1/2 cup well-pureed Indian corn chowder from Whole Foods (90 cals), 1 Dannon Light 'n' Fit strawberry and banana smoothie (70 cals), 1/2 cup homemade black bean soup (125 cals) with 1 Tbsp reduced fat sour cream (20 cals). Total: 516 calories.

day 6

217.6

Wow, still losing, it seems.

First day back at work. M drove me in, admonishing me the whole way not to "try to be a hero" and to call him right away if I need to come home early. He's worried I'll be in too much pain/discomfort, or too tired, or just in general fed up with my Pointy-Haired Boss. I'm not too worried about it, except that I have become quite accustomed to naps-on-demand and my energy level isn't very high. But my job is of the pencil-pushing, bean-counting variety, so I don't anticipate a strenuous day.

I packed a whole sack full of post-op treats: two juice boxes (one consumed on the drive in to work), a Dannon Light 'n' Fit strawberry and banana smoothie, 1/2 cup of tomato soup and 1 Tbsp of feta. Total: 336 calories. For supper I am going to (energy levels allowing) make some black bean soup, saving some thick and chunky and topped with goodies for M, some pureed and thinned with chicken stock for moi.

(Updated: I made the black bean soup, and it was wonderful. I'm estimating 125 cals for one half-cup, plus 20 cals for a tablespoon of reduced-fat sour cream. I had a regular popsicle too, 45 cals. Total for day: 526 cals.)

I am still gassy and "bubbly" as I call the gurgle/rumble/burping that I seem to be doing a lot of. It is similar to when your tummy rumbles from hunger, but not quite the same. For starters, its much more uncomfortable. Also, I feel it at the top of my stomach, trying to get through the stoma, I presume. And the rumbles and gurgles are usually followed by an unladylike burp, which is unlike hungry-growling. I forgot to bring any Maalox or Gas-X with me, but I'm still not sure they help much.

Saturday morning I leave for a week's vacation at my future in-law's. They are really nice people and so far everyone gets along fine, but (a) I do not relish the thought of another plane trip, even a short 2-hour one, (b) we aren't married yet, so we aren't allowed to sleep together, and (c) its not a real vacation for me. I'm happy to go because M is close to his family and gets to see them so infrequently (about once or twice a year, tops), but its just not quite as fun for me. Plus, I'll still be on the liquid diet and so I'll feel bad about them deferring constantly to me for eating out plans.

I have not, by the way, told them, or allowed M to tell them, that I had a lap dance. He told them I had a laparoscopic hernia repair and since the procedures are similar, the liquid diet etc. seems very reasonable. They are nice people and I don't think they'd be judgmental or unkind about it, but I just didn't feel like discussing it ad nauseum for the entire week, which was sure to happen. His dad, in particular, is a very decent guy, but he's also very... opinionated and once he gets hold of a topic, he will just go on and on. I'm just not sure I'm up to that right now.

I have a couple other people that need to be told soon, though. My best friend is away at med school, and I'm very close to her, her mother, and her kid sister. There really isn't a good way for me to avoid telling them, but I did put it off until after surgery because my best friend is a very hippy-granola-chick who has argued me out of having this surgery before. She thinks its unnecessary for me at my weight and lifestyle, that it comes with risks and downsides and so forth. She's also tall, leggy, blonde, slender, and hot. She doesn't understand what struggling along with these weight issues for so long is like for me. We have a third friend, we're kind of a triumvirite, and this friend and her husband live in Atlanta and already know. I have sworn them to secrecy until after the surgery, but its sure to get out now. So I need to just bite the bullet and call Miss Med School.

Its almost 10:00 a.m. and I haven't yet been able to finish my rapidly-cooling 9:00 a.m. mug of green tea. And I need to move on to my smoothie! And maybe do some work!

day 5

219.0

Whee! I can tell that some of the swelling in my belly has subsided. I am now down a total of 10 lbs!

Today so far I've had one white grape juice box (100 cals), 1 Dannon Light 'n' Fit strawberry and banana smoothie (70 cals), and 1/2 cup of tomato soup prepared with chicken broth (43 cals) topped with maybe a tablespoon of tomato-basil feta crumbled into it (23 cals). Oh, and a one foul, disgusting gulp of the GNC liquid vitamins I bought.

(Updated: supper was a half-cup of split-pea soup, pureed and thinned with chicken broth (~95 cals); later I had another juice box (100 cals) and a sugar-free popsicle (15 cals) for a daily total of something close to 431 calories.)

I cannot drink that stuff anymore; I don't care if I spent $25 on it! It threatens to gag me every time (well, okay, both times) I take it. I am going to have to get some children's chewable multivitamins. Also, M needs to pick up my Unjury at the post office box tomorrow so maybe I'll ask him to stop in and get me some at the grocery next door.

I have really been debating what to do about getting my fills. Before I got banded, I researched my options in this department, and knew that I had the options of returning to the OCC for my fills, and/or using the Fill Centers USA. They have a provider practicing in one of Atlanta's suburbs, Darlene Zebley, who gets really stellar reviews. So I felt that I had good options in that department.

While I was at OCC getting my band, the doctors implored me to return for fills. They don't charge for them (well, they do for the fluoro but not for the actual fill or office visit) and said they don't make any money doing fills, but that successful patients are their best advertisement and that they have a track record of patients needing only 1 - 3 fills per lifetime, while they hear of other patients needing 5 - 6 or more per year elsewhere. And, of course, I'd like to be able to get a regular band "check up" coincident with my first fill, so I was pretty set on going back to OCC for at least my first.

However, I've done some research. Flights to and from Atlanta are heinous: I priced a ticket on Delta for October 13rd (7.5 weeks) and flying direct, up and back on the same day, would cost me $800! I could go Airtran for considerably cheaper (~$400) but I couldn't do an up-and-back on the same day, so I'd have to get a hotel room in Tijuana. And then there's the cost of transportation, and of course the cost of my time, and it has all started to seem (especially after my hellacious day of travel on Friday) as not worth it.

But my biggest doubt is about the possibility of needing an emergency unfill. For that reason alone, it seems smart to go ahead and start up a relationship with the Fill Centers USA, especially since Darlene seems to come highly recommended. So, if/when I do have a situation arise where I need an urgent unfill, I don't have to arrange the money and time to go to Tijuana. Combined with the cost savings of using Fill Centers USA, I'm leaning pretty strongly in that direction.

Today I swung by Whole Foods and picked up two puree-able soups: Indian corn chowder and split pea. They didn't have any black bean soup, which I was really jonesin' for, with a big dollop of reduced-fat sour cream!

Tomorrow I have to go back to work. I'm not really looking forward to it. I'm still really tired and I don't relish the thought of sitting all day.

day 4

220.8

Getting home yesterday didn't actually turn out as simple and easy as I'd hoped it'd be. Instead of a four and a half hour direct flight from San Diego to Atlanta, I got stuck on the same plane for over 9 very uncomfortable hours! We reached Atlanta just as a major electrical storm hit, and circled for about an hour before they closed the airport and we were diverted to Huntsville, Alabama. Then, because Huntsville was not equipped to handle a large 767 jet, we ended up sitting on the tarmac for another 3 hours, waiting for the plane to refueled and cleared for flight to Atlanta!

I was miserable at that point, literally in tears from sitting all cramped up (in the middle seat in a row of three across) and M had started to come down with something that seems to be a stomach bug of some kind. He was spending 10 - 15 minutes in the bathroom, throwing up or having diarrhea. The plane's service crew was out of food and water, and the bathrooms on the plane were getting really skanky really fast. The crew kept putting on free movies (The Flying Scotsman, Blades of Glory, Shrek The Third), but people were getting cranky. Sandwiched between a miserable, hunched M and an ornery granny that was late for a grandkid's birthday, I could not get comfortable or relieve the pressure on my abdomen. Every time I tried to stand up and stretch, a 120-year-old cranky old man two rows behind me would wave his arms frantically, pissed, because I was blocking his view of the worst movie ever made, Blades of Glory. If I moved to the aisle to stretch, the 400-lb drunk man in the seat next to the aisle would inevitably need another trip to either the potty or the galley for more liquor, and manage to elbow me in the stomach getting by.

We were both, at that point, about to go stir-crazy. I knew I needed to get off the plane to stretch my stomach muscles out and walk around to relieve the gas pain, but even more I knew I needed to get M some medicine! He was so miserable.

So, at 10:30 p.m. Eastern time, after about 9 hours stuck on the same plane, we decided to volunteer to get off the plane, knowing that the plane would, at some point, return to Atlanta. We decided to get a rental car and drive, so we could hit a drugstore for M and give me a chance to lay back in the passenger seat and get some relief.

We were so lucky to get one of the last cars Hertz had available (and had the kindest, most helpful Hertz clerk). She helped us locate a 24-hour Wal-Mart, where got some supplies, before starting the drive home. Around 1:00 a.m. we stopped and napped for a couple hours before continuing home-- it was very essential at that point as it was clear M was really coming down with something and I, well, had had abdominal surgery 2 days prior.

We got to the Atlanta airport at about 6:30 a.m., driving in shifts. We located our luggage, got into our own car, and were snug in our own bed by 7:30 a.m. Today has been largely dedicated to resting and treating M's stomach bug. Poor thing is rocking a fever, chills, nausea, diarrhea, the whole nine yards, but still managed to drive most of the night last night to get me home.

My appetite is beginning to return. Yesterday I managed one 8-oz. bottle of water and half of a Naked Juice (about 8 oz. and 120 cals) during the hellacious 9-hour airplane incarceration, plus a small (6 oz?) white grape juice box from Wal-Mart during the wee hours. Today I've had loads more: my first shot (gag) of liquid multivitamin (GNC), 1/2 cup of chicken broth, 1 regular cherry popsicle, and 1/2 cup of tomato soup thinned considerably with chicken broth. I've also managed about half of a 700 mL bottle of water. And I'm stuffed like I have been inhaling the standard Thanksgiving vittles all day.

My weigh-in today was around lunchtime, after my shower (wet hair, and my hair when wet is heavy). So while I'm a little disappointed that I haven't lost more, I'm not really surprised as I can tell I am still retaining a lot of fluid in my abdomen from surgery. My diminished appetite is really helping keep me level-headed during this liquid phase and I hope I continue to experience it.

Today I went to the grocery store to get M some more medicine and some appropriate foods. I also picked up some of those yogurt smoothies (allowed, per my nutritionist, as of Day 4), the tomato soup I had for supper, some beef broth in case I tire of the chicken, and some more popsicles. I have gobs of juice boxes (all natural: apple, white grape, berry blend, fruit punch) in the fridge and 6 large boxes of chicken broth at home too. So I should be set for about 2 months at this rate of consumption, heh.

I do have a little head hunger but so far, given my continued tenderness and gas pains, they haven't really been seriously threatening my ability to stick to liquids. I did some trolling around on the forums tonight, comparing the different recommendations on post-op diets. Mine seems to fall on the easier end of the scale: 1 week of clear liquids, 2 weeks of full liquids, and then straight on to solids. It seems as though some people have to manage up to 2 weeks of clear liquids, 2 weeks of full liquids, and 2 weeks of mushy (soft) foods before they can have regular solids!

I have had a little diarrhea, but as I have experienced none of M's other symptoms, I'm chalking it up to my paltry all-liquid diet, and possibly to the IV antibiotics I was given. In my experience, strong antibiotics tend to wreck your "good" gut bacterias too, so I'm definitely going to start on the yogurt smoothies tomorrow. That and the gas pains, frequent burping, and occasional, uhh, regular gas, are really the only side effects I am dealing with. I have been experimenting with Maalox and Gas-X chewables. The Maalox was recommended by M, as he has a sensitive stomach and has had ample opportunity to compare and contrast the various brands. So far it does seem to be a little more effective than the Gas-X, which was popular on the forums I read for post-op gas pains. But the gas pains come and go sporadically so its hard to say how much the chewables are helping.

Time for my last *mini-sob* post-op doctor-prescribed pain pill and an early bedtime!

day 3

Friday at last, my day to return home. We're still in Tijuana. We are catching a ride to the aiport in a few hours, though. Several hours will be spent crossing the border so I am a little anxious about making it to the airport in time, and I certainly won't be running to the terminal under any circumstances.

My recovery is proceeding very well. Better than expected, even. I have minimal pain; mostly I am just uncomfortable. I am like a baby that needs to be burped often-- literally. All the "gas pain" I read about before I decided to go through with this has expressed itself as very unladylike burps and belches, not the traditional "gas" I expected.

On Day 1, I consumed nothing but IV fluids as I was having trouble with nausea. Yesterday, Day 2, I had about a half-cup of chicken broth in the morning at the OCC clinic, half a small juice box in the early afternoon and the remainder of that juice box a few hours later in my hotel room, and about a cup of chicken broth at the hotel restaurant at supper time. I was stuffed all day long, managing only small sips of water between my "meals." I know I need to work harder to get fluids in, but I know I am still well-hydrated from 24 hours of IV fluids so I'm not stressing yet.

Today is Day 3, and I haven't begun yet, but I'm not hungry. Its a blessing and a curse because I'm also still very tired, and at least part of that has to be because of my very limited caloric intake. I walk often, as per the surgeon's instructions, which should (and does seem to) help with the gas and cramps.

I have a very, very small worry about the heaving I did during the evening of Day 1. I seem to have that reaction to anaesthesia, and though the nurses calmed me quickly with instructions to take deep breaths and by administering extra shots of the anti-nausea meds (the name of such has been erased from my memory by the pain meds), still I worry that I pulled some stitches and that my band has or will slip. But only time will tell, and I know that the chances of that having happened are minimal.

I am looking forward to being home tonight, in my own bed. With my dog and kitties, with my familiar nightlights and easy grope to the bathroom that I can do with my eyes squeezed shut. I want to feel like I am back to normal.

I am not weighing myself for a while yet. My entire abdomen from breasts on down is swollen noticeably. I know that fluid will dissipate in time, but right now, I don't think I need the scale to tell me I'm heavier. The kind of betadine the surgeons used doesn't wash off right away, and they used Durabond (like superglue) on top of my incisions, so my belly is still a frightening pastiche of mustard yellow, streaks of blood trapped under the Durabond, and fresh incisions which can be seen clearly through the glue. I hate looking at it in the mirror, and hate even more asking M to look at it to make sure everything is doing what its supposed to, but I know that that is an important part of making sure my post-op healing is proceeding well, so I do it.

I have considered taking a picture for posterity, so I can compare the blissfully minimal scars later to the ugly mess my belly is right now. I plan to pick up some scar care cream at the drugstore this weekend when I go to get my Baby Killing Ring. I am very fair and scar easily and so I'm hoping to start using that stuff as soon as the Durabond washes away to minimize the permanent scars as much as possible.

That said, only one is really significant. I have four small incisions of about a half-inch in length each where the laparscopy tools went in. Three are aligned in a diagonal starting at the middle of my abdomen just under my breasts, down to the left edge of my tummy just a tad north of my belly button. The fourth small incision is just about right in the middle but slightly to the right side of my tummy. The largest incision, the one the lap band itself went through, is about an inch and a half long and is oriented perfectly horizontally, several inches above and to the left of my belly button. My port rests about an inch below that incision, it rests under the skin and the tubing snakes out it, through the abdominal muscles, and up to the band itself. I'm still too swollen to be able to properly palpate it. The surgeons ensured me that I'd be able to feel it in a few days but that it wouldn't be visible under my skin.

The nutritionist said I could start on full liquids, well-blended, as early as Day 4 (tomorrow!) if I feel up to; she particularly recommended those drinkable yogurts. So I don't plan any heroic feats of seven days of chicken broth and children's juice boxes, but I'm also not going to make myself move on to full liquids until I get an appetite back. I've not really been hungry these last two days. Last night at dinner, seeing M's plate full of beef fajitas with authentic, freshly-made guacamole (I love guacomole) made me a little "head hungry" but only in that way that like when you've eaten a full meal and are totally satisfied and think, "Gee, what so-and-so is eating looks tasty," not in a way where I seriously considered leaning over and swiping a taste.

I haven't decided what to do about pictures yet. I got M to take a couple shots on the balcony the morning before I went in for surgery as my pre-op "before" shots. I haven'g gotten one of my post-op belly, but I think I should. Maybe now is not the time to post them, but I might later, after I have lost some weight and can compare them to something happier.

So far, I have to say that I the entire process has been easier than I thought it would be. I'm excited to be post-op, excited to start losing weight again (finally), excited to have new goals that are actually reachable.

My goals? Well, at OCC the nutritionist weighed me one one of those body-fat scales. So I know that I am, at 5'2", 130 lbs of lean muscle, bones and tissue. I weighed 221 in her office. She feels that losing 50 - 60 lbs would be ideal for my frame, which puts me at a final goal of about 160. I think if I got down to the 150's, I would be thrilled. But more I am looking to be fit and in a healthy weight range, than to reach a certain size or number on the scale. I know I have a large frame for such a short girl.

i joined the band

Its done. I am one of the few, proud owners of a laproscopically implanted gastric adjustable band. I asked one of my surgeons as I was coming out of the anaesthesia, and he said I got the smaller band, the 4 cc band.

I am still at the hospital. It is only 3:30 a.m. here but you know my body is still on Eastern time. I'm all wide-eyed and bushy-tailed.

The surgery center is really nice-- as nice as any American clinic or hospital I have ever seen. I have a huge private room-- a bed, a cushy armchair, a loveseat, a bedside dresser, a flat-screen TV with American cable on satellite, an in-room phone free calls to the US, and free WiFi!

The whole surgery experience was much, much more pleasant than my recent tonsillectomy (2 years ago) home in the states. I never got to see my surgeon but once a few weeks before my surgery, and then briefly right after when I was suffering from the anaesthesia. The anaesthia was a terrible experience, and they plunked me into a wheelchair and got me the hell outta that hospital as fast as they could after I awoke- there was no overnight or even short-term observation. I could barely walk because I was so screwed up from the surgery drugs.

Here, the experience was so different in so many good ways.

The anaesthesia experience wasn't nearly so bad as it was when I had my tonsils out. They use the latest type here, they claim it is so light that patients go under 2 minutes before surgery and come out 2 minutes later (just after they turn off the drip). I did a little barely-remember wild, drug-addled chatting as they wheeled me into the room (M said I reached out for him and for called him "M, M!") but then slept another hour or hour and a half, before waking up as if from a peaceful sleep. No erratic, frightening racing heart, no sweating and chills like the last time. Just a nap.

Everyone here is so wonderful, from Mrs. Ortiz (Dr. Ortiz' mother-- tiny, adorable, classy little lady-- and it isn't her job, they have other hired drivers, but she "volunteers" to "socialize" all day and loves it!) to the surgical staff, to the wonderful, wonderful nurses. The surgeons all came by before my surgery and explained every step to me, down to the kinds of medications they used and why they are the best available for this type of surgery. They are very friendly and accessible and insisted that in the future, if I ever had any questions or worries, to call them immediately on their cell phones! And I can't tell you how great it is that the doctors just drop your room to chitc-chat: "Still comfortable? Any questions?" and how, when I was heaving audibly on the way back from a short walk to the restroom, every nurse on the hall came running to help me back into bed and get me another shot. When the shift changed from day to night, the night doc and night nurses each came in to say hello and reassure me that I was being taken care of and that they knew I needed regular anti-nausea shots.

I have also gotten a chance to chat with the other patients and their companions and that has been interesting, too. There are two young girls from Alaska here that I've met, a grandmother (and her husband) from Las Vegas who has totally made it her business to check up on me and make sure I'm doing okay, another lady from another part of Utah.

I'm really feeling pretty good, all things considered. My abdomen is almost comically swollen (there go the falling-off pants) and my belly hurts, but its kind of a pressure hurt (feels like you really, really need to burp, fart, or both), not a sharp pain. I have pain at the incisision sites, but they don't hurt really any worse than any other kind of cut. The port hurts, because the port is just under the skin, and the tube from the port goes through the abdominal muscle to get to the band around stomach. My back muscles are a little sore from sleeping unnaturally on my back instead of my tummy, as I am used to.

My worst symptom is nausea because I am sensitive to pain medication in that way, but they have been really good and responsive with the anti-nausea drugs and for that, I am grateful to have spent the night here.

It was nice that M got to stay with me up until visiting hours ended (5:30 p.m.) and nicer still that they sent him back to the hotel after that to get something to eat (he refused to go to lunch and leave me at any point during the day) and get some rest. I get discharged this morning after the doctors examine me, to join him at the hotel, and then later for some doctor-prescribed "shopping therarpy," which really means the more I walk the better.

tijuana, mexico or bust: 1 day to go

220.8

So that's the final count. 8.4 lbs lost in 7 days.

I am about to go jump on a plane to Tijuana. Today, when we arrive, I go straight to the clinic for my pre-op testing. Tonight we are free to explore a little, and sleep at the hotel. Tomorrow morning, I go back to the clinic for surgery. Tomorrow night, I sleep overnight at the clinic for observation, and Thursday I am released if all is well. Friday morning we fly home.

I am nervous and excited.

Wish me luck.

leaving on a jet plane

In about 11 hours! I am nervous and excited. Oh, and a little pissed since I just weighed myself and I've "gained" 0.6 lbs today... and I've had absolutely nothing except 3 Slimfasts.

I'm packed. I have my forms, my books, my knitting.

Its really happening.

serious counting down begins: 2 days to go

221.8

Wow, that's frustrating. Another day of misery and hunger pangs, and I lost 0.2 lbs. Well, I'm down a total of 7.4 lbs out of 12. It doesn't look like I'll hit 10 lbs total. Maybe 8.

I did cheat last night. I had about 300 calories-worth of a chicken, shrimp, and scallop paella I prepared from a frozen mix, which I augmented with some chicken, shrimp and frozen veggies from my freezer. I really had a miniscule little portion and very minimal rice-- I guess my stomach has shrunk over the last week-- but I was just giddy from the real food in my belly.

I paid for it this morning. I'm going to have to try very hard to do all of today on sheer liquids so I have the best weigh-in possible tomorrow at the clinic.

I haven't even begun to pack. I was busy yesterday doing some actual work, and still people at the office are pissed at me today. I'm having surgery, people. Cut me some freaking slack. I narrowly escaped a teary breakdown in a superior's office just now, because I whipped out the surgery card, and he got uncomfortable and agreed to discuss it later. The project he's all antsy about-- which is almost completed and due to go out the door Wednesday morning-- isn't even completed (he's checking my work right now). And he wants to do a post-mortem. Its not even done!

I didn't even get my well-deserved pedicure yesterday. Poor me.

rewards

M decided to plan a special date for a week after my surgery so I'd have something to look forward to. I was so thrilled by his suggestion! He wants to take me back to Brio, where we had our first date, so I can have some lobster bisque for my first day on full liquids. Right now, I'm still trapped in pre-op diet three-Slimfasts-day-and-nothing-else-oh-god-I'm-STARVING hell so the idea, having something to look forward to, is really working for me.

So I decided to think up a few things that I would also like to do or accomplish when I get to my goal weight. In no particular order:

1. Get married-- in a dress that is not a plus-size.
2. Run a 10-minute mile (a feat not accomplishable since my high school days).
3. Buy some knee-high boots (I have wickedly fat calves).
4. Buy some super-cute dresses that are not designed to cover me up.
5. Wear a bathing suit without a skirt with no shame.
6. Run a half-marathon.
7. Be light enough so that M can pick me up *wink, wink*.
8. Be unashamed to tell M-- or anyone else-- my actual weight.
9. Be confident enough to sign up for classes like dance, spinning, etc.
10. Be able to share clothes with my sister and friends.
11. Post impressive before and after shots.
12. Be comfortable being photographed.
13. Be able to order dessert in a restaurant without being embarassed.
14. Be able to try clothes on in stores without being embarassed about the sizes I'm pulling.

i deserve a medal: 3 days to go

222.0

Yesterday I had 2 Slimfasts, 1 280-calorie Lean Cuisine, 3/4 of a jar of 0-calorie Splenda-ed sweet baby gherkins, 2 sugar-free popsicles. 7.2 lbs in 4 days isn't so bad! Two more days to go, and I'm hoping to clear 10 lbs. Although now I'm worried that they will weigh me at OCC with all my clothes on, and it won't look like I've lost 10 lbs since I weigh myself at home, first thing in the morning, with only my little nightie on.

I held strong at the party/barbeque yesterday, but I was pretty miserable. I drank a couple glasses of ice water and the pickles I'd toted along; everyone else got to nosh on freshly grilled hamburgers, Carolina-style barbeque, chips, brownies, etc. I was sad. I deserve a freakin' medal for not sneaking even one teensy little bite of something yummy.

Today is Sunday, and we're leaving early Tuesday morning for the airport. We have a lot of things to do about the house and such to get ready. I also have some work to do on my laptop-- I scooted out early on Friday afternoon, as I wasn't feeling well, and didn't finish everything I was supposed to. But also, we are running out to Circuit City to hopefully pick up a Wii for M-- a well-deserved and long-anticipated gift. I'm hoping that staying busy today will help keep my mind off of what I'm not eating.

i cheated: 4 days to go

223.6

Yes, I cheated. Yesterday I had 1 Slimfast, half of a terrible Spiru-tein, another half-jar of Splenda-ed sweet baby gherkins, 2 sugar-free popsicles and... a chargrilled chicken sandwich on whole wheat with lettuce, tomato, and mustard from Chick-fil-A!

However, I still managed to stay under 600 calories for the day, so I don't feel too terrible. The Chick-fil-A sandwich clocks in at 270 calories, and given that:

Slimfast: 190
1/2 Spiru-tein: 90
baby gherkins: 0
2 popsicles: 30
chicken sandwich: 270

total: 580

I refuse to feel bad. I think the liquids are for simplicity, and to clean out your system a little. I think cheating with a very, very lean protein like a grilled chicken sandwich is probably the best "cheat" I could have come up with.

In any case, I'm still losing at an astonishing rate. Once my intestines are thoroughly emptied, it should slow down. But I'm pleased; 3 days of liquid diet completed and I've lost 5.4 lbs. That's very close to halfway there. I reported 229.2 on my paperwork to the doc, so really I'm down 5.6 lbs by their records. If I get a couple more under my belt (out from under my belt? heh), then I'll be pleased.

Today I have a party/barbeque to go to. A friend of mine is celebrating a very big accomplishment and so I can't really just bow out. But there will be yummy foods galore, and I am nervous about my ability to withstand. At least, several of my friends who will be there know that I'm on this ridiculous pre-op diet and so just the fact that they will notice if I do something naughty will help restrain me. And, of course, having M there.

I am bringing a big tupperware of pickles and a protein shake. And as much willpower as I can muster.

In reality, I have only three and a half more days of this torture. I have today, Sunday, and Monday. Tuesday we leave for Tijuana, and I have to fast that morning. Once I get to OCC, I will do pre-op testing (including a weigh-in to determine if I've lost the prescribed weight) and then be released, and even though its not recommended, you better believe I will be having a real dinner that night. Oh yes I will.

one whole jar of pickles is a bad idea: 5 days to go

225.4

So yesterday I had: 2 Slimfasts, 1 Myoplex Lite Chocolate Fudge*, 2 sugar-free popsicles, a few 0-calorie zesty dill spears and the better part of a jar of Splenda-sweetened 0-calorie baby gherkins. That last mess was my supper, and in case you are wondering: yes, an entire jar of vinegar-soaked cucumbers will give you a stomach ache.

Yesterday was hard. I became very depressed in the mid-afternoon, and struggled through my work at a glacial pace. Every challenge, no matter how minor, seemed insurmountable. I was so frustrated I was constantly fighting back tears. M picked me up after work (he'd taken my car in for an oil change and filled up the gas for me) and I basically just let 'er rip, and bawled most of the way home.

We stopped at Publix for pickles and bouillon cubes. I stood in the aisle, trying to select what I wanted from hundreds of jars of pickles, a great number of which were calorie-free, literally, 0 calories per serving. And I was amazed. Only in this era of an abundance of food would people pay $2 - $3 a jar for something with almost no nutritional value at all (besides sodium).

I bought my pickles and headed home. I felt better after eating, and took an hour-long nap, which was also refreshing. I didn't count on being so exhausted. We caught a movie with some friends, too, and that raised my spirits.

At last, its Friday. Work has been a real trial for me this week. This day needs to end as quickly as possible.

* Not bad, tasted a little bit like a liquified chocolate Luna bar. I love Luna bars. However, the Slimfasts taste better, which is unfortunate, because the Slimfasts don't contain enough protein for me to stick with them for the rest of the month. Today I'm trying the strawberry Spiru-tein for lunch, mixed with skim milk.

UPDATE: My god, the Spiru-tein was disgusting. I had to hold my nose to swallow it by the end. Foul, foul, foul.

its really real: 6 days to go

227.0

Yesterday I had two mugs of decaf green tea with Splenda, three Slimfasts, one large greens-only salad with Wishbone Salad Spritzers dressing, and one sugar-free popsicle. That sounds like a lot of food, right? That totals less than 600 calories for the whole day.

It really wasn't too bad until mid-afternoon. I had a definite crash in blood sugar. In midafternoon, it is not unusual for me to demolish a bag of sweet, sweet cherries or a granny smith apple with peanut butter, or even to resort to sticking my chubby little fingers in one of the many candy jars around my office.

So, no afternoon sugar-rush, even of the healthy fruit kind. I was seriously starving by about 2:30 p.m. I did my best to keep working, but it was really frigid in my office yesterday as well (long story about AC problems). I darted out at 4:30 p.m.

I had my salad shortly after work, with my popsicle. Then, M and I headed out to run some errands. First we hit GNC and I scored some liquid multivitamins and a few different kinds of protein shakes, so I can experiment and see what I'll like for the post-op full liquids phase. Then, on to Costco, where I purchased some items for the clear liquids stage: juice boxes, chicken broth.

We passed Costco's yummy little food court: I was sad. We drove to Dusty's to get M some barbeque, and I had to hold it in my lap on the drive home: I was sad. I went and laid down in the bedroom, feeling a little petulant, while he ate his barbeque in the living room. After he was done, I had my last, sad little Slimfast in the living room just before bed.

It is early morning and I have weighed myself, and am waiting for M to get up so we can walk the dog. I am supposed to run but I don't see that happening. This strict diet is not very easy.

Today I start testing some protein shakes. I picked up some Myoplex Lite Chocolate Fudge (170 cals, 20 g protein) and I'm having one of those for lunch. I also have, at home, a bottle of orange Isopure (160 cals, 40 g protein), a small pouch of Muscle Milk lite vanilla (150 cals), and a package each of chocolate and strawberry Spiru-tein (179 cals, 22 g protein). Those are the skeeviest looking ones, but M said he had had them before and that they weren't bad. They were also pretty cheap compared to the others. The Isopure, for example, was $4 for one bottle. The Myoplex was $10 for 4. The Muscle Milk was $2.19 for one. I think (can't remember exactly) that the Spiru-teins were $1.59 apiece, but require the addition of 1 cup skim milk.

I have heard that Unjury is really popular but I'd have to order that online. Also, the Isopure comes in big, big containers of powder that you can mix up yourself, but they didn't have small individual servings for me to try at GNC. So if I like the Isopure orange drink I might go out on a limb and get one of the powders. Else, I'm hoping the Myoplex is decent.

comparing weight loss surgeries

My Bloglines reader served up a really interesting study published this month comparing many studies on the different weight loss surgeries. Reading it has only convinced me, again, that choosing the lap band was the right decision for me, right now. It was also comforting, quoting 60%+ loss of excess weight in the long-term for lap band patients, and a general 75% "success" rate for all bariatric surgeries. It also listed the factors that contribute to higher risk of surgical and post-op complications, like being male, older, heavier, ill-informed, etc. It makes me sound like the perfect candidate!

I am getting excited.

shakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner: 7 days to go

229.0

Seems that my "last meal" mentality has dinged me for a couple pounds upward. I'm hoping that a week of 600 calories a day of shakes will remedy that. I am supposed to be down to 217 by the end of the week. Eep!

This morning I got up, ran for 30 minutes and then walked with M and our dog for another 30 minutes. Then, some fiber tablets and a Slimfast. Tonight I'm going to hit the GNC and start testing out some protein shakes; for today, though, what I have in the fridge at home (basically what I survived on for all of July) is a stack of chocolate Slimfasts.

For lunch? A Slimfast! And dinner's menu is even more enticing: another delicious Slimfast!

Actually, I also have salad greens, calorie-free Wishbone Spritzers dressing, and sugar-free popsicles awaiting me at home for supper. I figure at least chewing something will be more enjoyable than just another shake.

I am having trouble with my Big Check, though. Even though it was deposited yesterday, and the funds have shown up in my account according to my online access, I went to the bank this morning to get a cashier's check and was told the funds hadn't been processed from the original bank yet. There are several methods I can use to pay for the balance of my surgery, but I was supposed to get this done a week or more before my surgery. Since I picked a date that was really close (exactly two weeks away when I scheduled it) so that M could be there with me, I had to take some time first to get that check from another account. So its not a matter of not being prepared, just that everything has taken longer than I anticipated.

I have an email out to the patient coordinator at OCC. Hopefully she will let me know what my options are for dealing with this in a way that will satisfy them.

heap big check: 8 days to go

My really large check arrived yesterday and is probably being deposited at this very minute! Now I just have to let it go through the bank system and then cut a check and that's that. Then that'll another thing taken care of and checked off the list.

Oh yes, there's a list. Of course there's a list.

Wed, 8/15
Run in the morning.
Obtain cashier's check.
Fax copy of check to OCC.
Begin liquid diet.
Begin weighing & recording weight daily.

Thurs & Fri, 8/16 to 8/17
Run in the mornings.
Continue liquid diet.
Continue weighing & recording weight daily.

Sat & Sun, 8/18 to 8/19
Sat morning, meet running group.
Continue liquid diet.
Continue weighing & recording weight daily.
Compile list of required supplies, food and otherwise, for trip.
Shop for items on list.
Do laundry, minimal cleaning.
Buy a travel kennel for Dexter.
Sat evening, party at coworker's.

Mon, 8/20
Run in the morning.
Continue liquid diet.
Continue weighing & recording weight daily.
Set out-of-office reminders before leaving work.
Take Dexter to his aunt's house.
Create packing list.
Pack for trip.
Review required supplies and packing lists.
Make sure car's gas tank is full.
Begin fasting after supper.

As of yet unscheduled: we have some friends that would like to make a double-date to go see Stardust. Also, my fiancee and I are big fans of a local drive-in, and we've been wanting to catch The Bourne Ultimatum which is currently playing there. Also on that list of required entertainments is the newest Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix movie, which I have seen and he has not yet seen. I'm thinking we'll probably do that last, having tentative plans with friends for the first and not knowing how long Bourne will be playing at the drive-in.

I also haven't decided how we'll coordinate the transportation to and from the airport. Since we're flying midweek, I'm hesitant to ask a favor of friends for the pick-up, drop-off service at the train station close to me. Also, I'm not sure just how out of it or in pain I'll be when we return on Friday, so I might not want to plan on taking the train, anyway. Driving to the airport and parking for four days is actually not ridiculously expensive, $40 - $56 depending on the lot. We'd surely pay that for a taxi to and from our house. I'm leaning towards the expensive, park-at-the-airport option to make my return on Friday as easy as possible, since I can't guess how I'll feel after a four and half-hour flight, two days after surgery.

I'm still researching what kind of liquids to stockpile for my recovery period, and what kind of supplies I might want to take with me. My dog is definitely getting a travel kennel this time, though, since dragging his regular, very large and heavy kennel up and back from my sister's last time earned me a pinched nerve in my neck.

I am starting to get nervous today about sticking to the liquid diet pre-op. I mean, of course I want to succeed at the weight loss goal Dr. Miranda has set for me, but 7 days of liqiuds, especially when everyone around me is eating, eating, eating, is going to be tough. I am not in this predicament because I have lots of willpower when it comes to what crosses my lips. I'm trying to avoid that "last meal" mentality, but I do have dinner out with friends tonight to celebrate my fiancee's return from his last trip. I don't know where yet, as the choice is up to him, but I can promise you it won't be dietetic in any stretch of the imagination.

a rumination on the rules

Today is the first day since the whole sinus thing started up that I was actually hungry. Although I've been eating, I haven't really been hungry for food. I have to start my seven-day pre-op liquid diet soon, so I've been eating relatively normally and trying to avoid that "last meal" mentality.

Today I went to Chipotle and had a burrito bowl, which is what I normally eat there: rice, black beans, chargrilled chicken, salsa, lettuce, and cheese. As I was eating, I contemplated the rules that I would soon have to follow (as detailed by my surgeon):

Rule 1: Eat three times a day (This is what every body needs).
Rule 2: Eat only solid foods (The Lap Band does not restrict liquids).
Rule 3: Chew thoroughly. (If you don't, you will not reach the sensation of fullness and be more likely to have food get stuck.)
Rule 4: Do not drink liquids with your meals. (This will cause the food to be washed through the band quickly and defeat the purpose of the band…to restrict!)
Rule 5: No high calorie liquids. (While juices are fine for thin people, we can sabotage the whole process with liquid calories!)

I have to digress for a moment. I have a Fat Friend. She and I grew up together, and we were the Fat Girls in our neighborhood. Even in high school, when other girls wearing size 2's and 4's, we were wearing size 10's and 12's. She is a different shape than I am (all apple; I'm an hourglass) and for most of our lives, she's had the extra 20 or 30 lbs. We've both been through periods of loss and gain but neither of us have ever managed to keep it off. She, however, has always been a very picky eater and thus very oppositional to the standard wisdom regarding things like eating lots of fruits and vegetables. She goes to great lengths to maintain her denial about foods that she is picky about. In her diet, french fries are a vegetable and Smarties are fruit. She never eats real fruit and rarely allows a real vegetable to cross her plate. She also once told me soda calories don't count since you "pee them out."

When I was explaining the lap band to Fat Friend, I also told her the rules. She was totally aghast, and said they were far too strict. This really actually surprised me because they actually sound really simple and painless. She said she could never, ever eat a meal without a drink! She was sure she wouldn't be able to swallow, that she'd choke and throw up. Seriously, she actually said that. Of course, I don't think that's anywhere near reasonable; I have had meals before without an accompanying beverage and I don't recall needing the Heimlich. For some reason, though, her shock and dismay stuck with me and I found myself at lunch today, pondering how difficult following those rules would really be.

I had a large cup of water with my meal. I noticed that every four or five bites, I stopped and drank deeply. I noticed that this helps the food "go down," and seemed to actually make me feel like there was room for more, even towards the end. It also cleaned my palate, so towards the end as I got closer to full and more burrito started to seem less enjoyable, it actually encouraged me to keep eating by "refreshing" my tastebuds.

I also noticed that I chewed each bite only minimally, maybe 5 or 6 chews per bite. Each bite only last a few seconds, and as I was chewing one bite, I was prepping the next. I was only observing at this point, not consciously trying to later my behavior, but I do know that since I was eating alone, in public, something I hate to do, I was eating faster than I would if I were in private or lunching with friends.

So how difficult to follow do I think I will find each rule?

1. Eat three times a day.

Difficulty: moderate

Well, I'm definitely a breakfast person. I snack when I'm hungry, but I'm hoping the proper adherance to band rules will prevent between-meals hunger. I also expect to have my fair share of "head hunger," but I found success to be very motivating. In other words, if I'm losing, I will have less of a desire to placate myself with food.

Rule 2: Eat only solid foods.

Difficulty: minimal

For the most part, I'm not going miss soups at mealtime or whatever else. I know that ice cream, for example, counts as a non-solid food because it liquifies on the way down. This, I know will be a challenge, but as with any lifestyle change, I know I can minimize my ice cream consumption and still accomplish my goals.

Rule 3: Chew thoroughly.

Difficulty: minimal

This will take practice and mindfulness. But I don't think it will be particularly difficult once I am in the habit.

Rule 4: Do not drink liquids with your meals.

Difficulty: moderate

I am upgrading this from my original estimation in part because of Fat Friend's reaction. But also, I like a good, moderately spicy Thai dish or some heated salsa once in a while. I cannot imagine eating either of those things with no drink with my meal. Plus, its a habit. I think I will just have to make sure that there is no drink available to me at meal time-- i.e. ask the waiter to take away my water glass.

Rule 5: No high calorie liquids.

Diffculty: minimal

I very, very rarely drink a caloric beverage. I don't care for sodas, and have become quite accustomed to Splenda in my iced tea. I don't drink milk and really only alcohol I'd drink regularly is white wine. Like with the ice cream mentioned earlier, I intend to minimize consumption of wine but not eliminate it entirely from my diet.

Not mentioned in this list is sticking to a nutrient-rich diet, which means making sure I get enough protein and fruits and vegetables in daily. Also, not "cheating the band" with highly caloric foods, like pizza, chocolate, etc. However, once I've broken it down like this, it all seems really reasonable, easy and doable.

sinus infection: 10 days to go

I seem to be rocking some kind of sinus infection. It kept me up most of the night Thursday night. The post-nasal drip was choking me in my sleep so I kept waking up. Finally at 3:30 a.m. I got up to look for some medication, and all I could find was some expired generic cold medication. I took it, and I was reasonably functional, but I had terrible "medicine head."



Friday at work I was miserable. I had "medicine head" and I was exhausted from the lack of sleep the previous night. I left work at 3:30 and went home and slept from 4:00 to 10:00 p.m. and then again from 1:00 to 7:00 a.m.

Saturday morning I did get up for my group run. It was only 3 miles, I told myself. I loaded up on Tylenol Cold non-drowsy, got dressed and headed out at 7:00 a.m. to meet up. Our run started at about 7:45 a.m. and by that time it was already sunny, muggy, and in the low 80's. That run totally wrecked me. I had trouble breathing, my head hurt, my heart was pounding too fast. I only ran the first two miles (slowly, with trouble) and walked the last mile. My group has a rule about "no runner left behind" so two of my fellows fell back and walked with me. I felt terrible but they reassured me it was no big deal.

I spent the rest of yesterday basically recovering from that. I had brunch (previously scheduled) with two of my closest hometown buddies, my friend and her husband, and revealed my upcoming surgery to them. I was nervous because I wasn't sure what kind of resistance I was going to get. It wasn't as bad as I'd thought. My friend's husband was pretty supportive right off the bat. My friend seemed more skeptical, especially about the Mexico part of the equation. Both wished me well, though.

To tell the truth, I didn't accomplish anything else yesterday. I slept off and on and watched TV and read Dr. Ortiz' book, Lap-Band for Life. Its a really comprehensive and informative book, but because of my diligent research, I was already familiar with most of what was in the book. It does appear that I only have to do the liquid diet for 3 weeks post-op, and then switch to solids. Also, he says he recommends abstaining from "regular activities" for a week, but I'm not sure exactly when I can start running again.

This morning I woke in a giant pile of sweaty sheets: my fever is gone. I love/hate that sensation, waking after a fever. There is relief that it is gone, but you still feel broken, empty, and very sweaty. I walked the dog this morning (he got ignored yesterday and Friday evening) and he was bouncing off the walls, but I was weak and slow. I am glad the fever is gone because I have a big day tomorrow and I don't want to be sick for it! My face and head still hurt, and I'm still very congested, but I'm trying to lay off the Tylenol for a while to see just how sick I am still.

I haven't gotten my Big Check in the mail yet. I was expecting it Friday or Saturday. It really, really needs to come on Monday for things to work out properly.

I haven't really eaten much since I've had the sinus infection, but my pre-op liquid diet starts in earnest on next Wednesday. I have been instructed to lose a significant amount of weight so I haven't been pigging out on ice cream or anything, but I have been eating solid foods. I still have a big pile of Slimfasts in my refrigerator that I guess I'm going to try to get rid of pre-op and then switch to the recommended protein shakes when I run out.

This is starting to feel real. I am a little nervous but not very. The complications rate is really, really low and the chance of success is really, really high. My BMI is also relatively low for this surgery and I don't see myself being one of those people that constantly pushes myself past the band limits (inviting complications). From an objective standpoint, I have very little to worry about and a lot to look forward to.

yikes

I was emailed dietary instructions in more detail today, from the nutritionist at the center where I am having my surgery. I knew I'd have to do some form of a pre-op diet (the paperwork I filled out had several options and since I sort of fell between categories I wasn't sure which one I for sure had to do), but now I know exactly. And how much she expects me to lose.

Twelve pounds! 12! That's a lot! That's going to be tough!

For the seven days prior to surgery, each day I am allowed to have three protein shakes with less than 225 calories in each. I am allowed fiber supplements twice a day for hunger, and an unlimited amount of green salad (ONLY green veggies allowed) with calorie-free dressing, like the Wishbone Salad Spritzers. Also sugar-free jello is allowed.

And that's it. Oh my. If I could lose 12 lbs in one week I wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. I've read that some people have had their surgeries postponed for not adhering to the pre-op diet instructions; I refuse to let that happen to me. But even if I follow it to a T, I'm not going to lose 12 lbs. There's just no way. That's a 6,000-calorie deficit EACH DAY for a week. To do that, I'd have to burn 4,300 calories above my basal metabolic rate, plus burn the 675 calories (or so) from the shakes. That's burning 4,975 calories a day exercising, which for me would be running-- not walking!-- about 33 miles a day.

Hahahahahahaa.

Hmm, which limb can I live without...?

path to the band: 13 days to go

I am scheduled to get my lap band implanted on Wednesday, August 22nd. Less than two weeks away. I have paid my deposit. Filled out my paperwork. Bought my plane tickets. Made excuses to my boss. Now all that's left is waiting. Okay, waiting and pre-op dieting!

I have been kicking around the lap band idea forever. More than two years. My best friend, a med student, has managed until now to talk me out of it. Then a couple months ago I started researching in earnest and my sister got behind me on the idea. Up until now she'd been very "you aren't fat enough to need it!" but its really not about vanity. Now that I am staring down the barrel of 30, my family's history of diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, and so forth, especially my dad's heart attack at 46, is starting to seem awfully close at hand.

I am quite methodical. I researched for months and months, convincing myself first that this was a good idea for me, next that it was feasible, and lastly I turned my attention to selecting a surgeon. The surgeon I have chosen is one of the pioneers of the surgery, a world-renowned expert on it. He also practices in Mexico so that means that he's more affordable than most American surgeons. Unfortunately, this won't be covered by my insurance, but I am considering it an investment in my health.

I'm nervous, but I have decided this is the best thing for me.

The lap band, unlike the "stomach stapling" type of procedures that you more commonly hear about (e.g. Star Jones) is the least invasive, least dangerous kind of weight loss surgery. For one thing, you don't have any problems with malabsorption of nutrients and vitamins or anything like that. Also, it is the best surgery for pre-baby women, because if/when you get pregnant, you just get the band unfilled (loosened) and eat as you need to to support the pregnancy, then get it refilled (tightened) after the baby is born. Its also, unlike the others, totally reversible: you can just get the band removed. And it has the lowest rate of complications (less than 4% for my surgeon's record) of any weight loss surgery.

So yeah. I have the money together, I bought plane tickets, my fiancee is going with me, I got the time off of work... all systems go.

I guess the hardest part is that for a week pre-op and a month post-op I will be on a liquid diet! Yikes! Those are hard! From what I've researched, though, they are necessary. And what's a month, for a lifetime of escaping obesity and the evil demons that go with it?

For the pre-op part, though, its necessary to shrink the patient's liver to make the surgery less complicated for the surgeon, the recovery easier for the patient, and to the lower the risk of future complications. Post-op, its necessary to allow the stomach to heal and minimize the amount of digestive movement, which will minimize the chances of complications down the road. Lap bands are also least "dummy proof." You can totally "cheat the band" as they say. You basically end up with the ability to make sure you eat only 1/2 - 1 cup per meal and not feel hungry between meals. But to do that, you have to follow some rules. You can disobey the rules and cheat and eat ice cream, chocolate, high-cal stuff and not workout and actually gain weight! The band requires you to consciously monitor your eating and working out. It just makes it easier to eat teeny portions without feeling ravenous between meals.

But, get this. With "traditional" weight loss (dieting, lifestyle change, etc.) a person has less than a 5% chance of keeping off whatever weight they do lose after several years. Lap banders-- on average!-- maintain a 50% - 60% excess weight loss after 8+ years (longest study to date that I found). So its highly effective, compared to what other options are out there. Its much, much more effective than just diet and exercise alone.

Because I don't want to discuss my personal business, I am telling work people a little white lie-- that I am having a hernia repair. Only a few close personal friends (and blog readers) know about it yet. Its tough because alot of people think of weight loss surgeries as "the easy way out." I know that is the public perception because that's basically what I thought until I started researching. And, its a little embarassing. I don't want to discuss my weight issues with coworkers and acquaintances, you know?