I mean, seriously.
Today I had coffee for breakfast (Splenda, a wee pour of no-sugar creamer) and then a salad for lunch. I am trying for a little bit of South Beach action this week since bread is really the only thing left that disagrees with my band, and its not any good for me anyway. So I packed 4 cups of lettuce, cukes, 1.5 oz of lean turkey and ham lunch meat, 1.5 oz of lowfat provolone, and 2 Tbsp of Ken's Steakhouse light balsamic vinaigrette (50 cals for 2 Tbsp).
I ate the whole f#%$ing thing.
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY THIS IS SO UNFAIR.
I didn't break any band rules. I hadn't had a sip of water or coffee since about at hour prior to lunch, and surely didn't have any at lunch. I ate slowly and chewed well, sure, but I didn't go to any special efforts. I feel comfortable now, but at no point did I feel full. I finished inside of about 30 minutes, with time in between bites spent talking to my two girlfriends at work that I lunch with every day.
Why should I feel so terrible about eating such a virtuous lunch? Because I should be getting full on WAY LESS THAN THAT. I have FOUR CCS in my FOUR CC band. I only really feel restriction first thing in the morning anymore, and breakfast was never a dangerous meal for me. I emailed the OCC and they told me to come in for a follwup. I can't afford the time OR money to fly to San Diego right now. I need another fill, obviously, but I'm not sure my fill nurse will give it to me. I am so at the bottom of the abyss when it comes to willpower right now because I have staggering amounts of anxiety about my imending wedding. And I hate myself with a white-hot heat for not losing any weight before wedding like every other woman on the planet manages to do. I don't understand what's wrong with me.
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2 comments:
Lettuce and cucumbers are 95% water. That means that only 5% of the lettuce went towards fiber. What this means is that the density of the food made it seem like you were eating alot, but you really weren't eating much at all.
Did you want to eat more after your meal? Or were you full? That should be more important than the quantity of foods. Protein and the fat in your dressing should have filled you up, too.
Mae,
What happened to you?
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