I mean, seriously.
Today I had coffee for breakfast (Splenda, a wee pour of no-sugar creamer) and then a salad for lunch. I am trying for a little bit of South Beach action this week since bread is really the only thing left that disagrees with my band, and its not any good for me anyway. So I packed 4 cups of lettuce, cukes, 1.5 oz of lean turkey and ham lunch meat, 1.5 oz of lowfat provolone, and 2 Tbsp of Ken's Steakhouse light balsamic vinaigrette (50 cals for 2 Tbsp).
I ate the whole f#%$ing thing.
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY THIS IS SO UNFAIR.
I didn't break any band rules. I hadn't had a sip of water or coffee since about at hour prior to lunch, and surely didn't have any at lunch. I ate slowly and chewed well, sure, but I didn't go to any special efforts. I feel comfortable now, but at no point did I feel full. I finished inside of about 30 minutes, with time in between bites spent talking to my two girlfriends at work that I lunch with every day.
Why should I feel so terrible about eating such a virtuous lunch? Because I should be getting full on WAY LESS THAN THAT. I have FOUR CCS in my FOUR CC band. I only really feel restriction first thing in the morning anymore, and breakfast was never a dangerous meal for me. I emailed the OCC and they told me to come in for a follwup. I can't afford the time OR money to fly to San Diego right now. I need another fill, obviously, but I'm not sure my fill nurse will give it to me. I am so at the bottom of the abyss when it comes to willpower right now because I have staggering amounts of anxiety about my imending wedding. And I hate myself with a white-hot heat for not losing any weight before wedding like every other woman on the planet manages to do. I don't understand what's wrong with me.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
i really just can't
I haven't weighed myself in a week and I really just can't. I am seriously considering throwing out the scale.
I've been in an incredible funk that I haven't even really been able to vocalize.
My sister, who has always been exceptionally petite, has lost 26 lbs in the last three months. Basically, she was inspired by the fact that she had to order a size 8 dress to wear in my wedding. So she cut down her already very, very ascetic vegetarian diet even more. Swapped out her regular Cokes for a couple diet sodas. Ate even less than before. And lost 26 lbs in three months.
Three months in which I had a lap band. That I paid $10,000 to have surgically implanted inside my body. And my fat ass still weighs the same. I cannot explain how much I hate myself. I am so depressed I can't even make myself go through the motions of life. I basically did nothing all weekend but hide from the world and eat. I hate myself, I can't stand to even think about my upcoming wedding, and everything-- from my weight to the wedding to a stupid work-related trip to Chicago I have to take today-- fills me with incredible anxiety and dread. I have slept very little and had a constant, unrelenting headache since last Thursday. I am so miserable that I don't know what to do. I should be happy right now. But I'm not. Because I don't deserve to be.
I made and ate an entire pan of brownies this weekend. Also a box of Kraft Mac and Cheese. And cereal with milk. I don't even care anymore. It doesn't even matter.
I've been in an incredible funk that I haven't even really been able to vocalize.
My sister, who has always been exceptionally petite, has lost 26 lbs in the last three months. Basically, she was inspired by the fact that she had to order a size 8 dress to wear in my wedding. So she cut down her already very, very ascetic vegetarian diet even more. Swapped out her regular Cokes for a couple diet sodas. Ate even less than before. And lost 26 lbs in three months.
Three months in which I had a lap band. That I paid $10,000 to have surgically implanted inside my body. And my fat ass still weighs the same. I cannot explain how much I hate myself. I am so depressed I can't even make myself go through the motions of life. I basically did nothing all weekend but hide from the world and eat. I hate myself, I can't stand to even think about my upcoming wedding, and everything-- from my weight to the wedding to a stupid work-related trip to Chicago I have to take today-- fills me with incredible anxiety and dread. I have slept very little and had a constant, unrelenting headache since last Thursday. I am so miserable that I don't know what to do. I should be happy right now. But I'm not. Because I don't deserve to be.
I made and ate an entire pan of brownies this weekend. Also a box of Kraft Mac and Cheese. And cereal with milk. I don't even care anymore. It doesn't even matter.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
still frustrated
218.0
My fiancee M got on a plane headed to Japan today. He has been "at home"-- making "at home" pay, which is minimal-- for a very long stretch, almost two months. We have only 38 days until the wedding, and he needed to get another job done before the wedding, for budgetary reasons. However, as his jobs typically last 3 to 5 weeks, we were hoping it would not be scrunched up so close to the wedding date itself. Japan is looking like it might only require two weeks of his time, but he might get sent out to another job that is "on fire" in Congo right after. We'll see.
In any case, I am sad to see him go, sad to have this giant mountain of wedding work in front me to conquer all on my own. But, that is life. Its his job, and I deal with it.
Today I am wearing another new wardrobe component from Lands' End: this sweater twinset in lavender with some grey pants I already own, belted because they are big on me.
This morning I ran the same 3-mile loop that I ran last week and felt so good about. Instead of doing it in 42 minutes (like last week), I did it in 46 minutes. And it was low 50's, breezy, humid. In other words: excellent running weather. I was plenty awake, as I embarked on my run at 6:30 a.m. after an hourlong round-trip to drop M at the airport-- we'd been up since a quarter to 5:00. I've been doing plenty of running in between. Is it that I am a whole 1.4 lbs fatter and that is slowing me down? Is my brain telling me I'm fatter and therefore I need to slow down? Was it just my melancholy mood throwing me off?
Yesterday I had a breakfast bar and a cup of coffee, some Morningstar Farm buffalo bites with cucumber, tomatoes, and light blue cheese dressing for lunch, a banana around 3:00 p.m., leftover pot roast for dinner, and some light ice cream later with M. All reasonable, healthy amounts. In fact lunch was pretty small.
My challenge for today is to NOT go home and eat a bucket of mashed potatoes and the rest of the container of ice cream feeling sorry for myself.
My fiancee M got on a plane headed to Japan today. He has been "at home"-- making "at home" pay, which is minimal-- for a very long stretch, almost two months. We have only 38 days until the wedding, and he needed to get another job done before the wedding, for budgetary reasons. However, as his jobs typically last 3 to 5 weeks, we were hoping it would not be scrunched up so close to the wedding date itself. Japan is looking like it might only require two weeks of his time, but he might get sent out to another job that is "on fire" in Congo right after. We'll see.
In any case, I am sad to see him go, sad to have this giant mountain of wedding work in front me to conquer all on my own. But, that is life. Its his job, and I deal with it.
Today I am wearing another new wardrobe component from Lands' End: this sweater twinset in lavender with some grey pants I already own, belted because they are big on me.
This morning I ran the same 3-mile loop that I ran last week and felt so good about. Instead of doing it in 42 minutes (like last week), I did it in 46 minutes. And it was low 50's, breezy, humid. In other words: excellent running weather. I was plenty awake, as I embarked on my run at 6:30 a.m. after an hourlong round-trip to drop M at the airport-- we'd been up since a quarter to 5:00. I've been doing plenty of running in between. Is it that I am a whole 1.4 lbs fatter and that is slowing me down? Is my brain telling me I'm fatter and therefore I need to slow down? Was it just my melancholy mood throwing me off?
Yesterday I had a breakfast bar and a cup of coffee, some Morningstar Farm buffalo bites with cucumber, tomatoes, and light blue cheese dressing for lunch, a banana around 3:00 p.m., leftover pot roast for dinner, and some light ice cream later with M. All reasonable, healthy amounts. In fact lunch was pretty small.
My challenge for today is to NOT go home and eat a bucket of mashed potatoes and the rest of the container of ice cream feeling sorry for myself.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
please kill me
218.8
*bangs head on desk-- viciously*
I'm so upset about this I don't even really want to discuss it. I worked really freaking hard last week. Really hard.
This weekend was a little tougher. I overslept Saturday and missed my 3.5-mile run (not a huge deal). My fiancee came home Saturday at lunch time, so I picked him up at the airport and since we were out and about, we stopped at Chipotle for lunch and I had the top "half" of a burrito bowl (mostly the chicken, salsa, cheese, and beans-- ignored most of the rice). Ravioli for dinner (I don't know why, but it was gross). Root beer floats made with Diet Barq's and Edy's Light vanilla for dessert. Sunday: breakfast bar, Panera black bean soup and half a turkey sandwich, pot roast with mashed potatoes for dinner, "diet" root beer floats.
Monday morning: short run and disastrous weigh-in.
Okay, I could have been way, way more virtuous over the weekend. Could have left the cheese off my burrito bowl, could have had something less heavy than pasta for dinner Saturday, could have skipped the not-band-friendly ice cream, could have avoided the against-bandster-rules soup at lunch on Sunday, could have prepared something more virtuous than pot roast for Sunday dinner.
But seriously. That not only did away with the previous week's good behavior but slapped an extra 1.4 pounds on my ass? What the hell?!
I don't want to talk about it.
My wardrobe has been in sad shape recently. I was banded last August, but I had been researching and pondering the possibilities for months before that. And I was really convinced that this would work for me, so even before we left to go get the band put in, I decided to stop buying new clothes for a while, and live with what I have. Because surely, by February 22nd-- my 6-month "bandiversary"-- I would be rocking a much smaller size. What would be the sense in investing a lot of money in clothes that I was soon going to "shrink out of"?
Hah. Sadly, in those 6 months it appears that I have permanently done away with only 12 lbs. What a waste. And my wardrobe-- particularly my work wardrobe-- has suffered badly. Since college, I have been telling myself that any day now, I will get this weight loss thing figured out, and find myself at a good size. A reasonable size. A decent size. And when I'm at that size-- no telling what it is-- I will allow myself to buy quality clothing. Until then, I can buy myself only crap-- stuff on the clearance racks at Target, Old Navy. Every year or two I will break down and buy some decent work clothes at Lane Bryant, but for the most part everything I buy for myself is under $20, ill-fitting, and cheaply-constructed.
Most of what I own is falling apart. Button-downs are too tight in the bust, sweaters are sprouting holes or coming apart at the seams. I have pants that are miserably faded, showing alarming wear at the seams, threatening to split down the back. I have several cardigans that are too small, too worn, missing buttons, completely worn out. Every day when I dress for work I look in my closet for something I can safety-pin into service that won't be terribly embarassing.
A couple weeks ago I went to work in a brown/cream/red plaid skirt with a brown twinset from Target. The skirt is in reasonable shape (though I don't wear it often because it rides uncomfortably close to my port) but the brown twinset was just sad. I have had it about a year, maybe a little longer. Since it was cheaply made, it was badly faded. Some of the buttons in the chest area were stretched and about to fall off. The shell had a hole in the back where the fabric was just giving way. And the cardigan top had a seam at the bottom that was just completely coming apart-- a huge gaping hole. I didn't notice this hole until I got to work and it was pointed out by a friendly coworker. Of course I already felt like I looked like crap, and her pointing out that my sweater was basically unraveling right off of my body made me more self-conscious. I was supposed to go out to dinner that night with friends to celebrate two birthdays, one of them mine. I was humiliated to show up at this fancy restaurant in this awful sweater.
So after work I made M drive me across the street to Old Navy and just swiped something out of the clearance rack. It was a big, chunky, deep-V-necked cream-colored sweater (and a matching camisole)-- the sweater was $12.99. Of course, big chunky knits aren't flattering on chesty girls. Its kinda... huge. I mean, it covered me up, it was warm, it was not as hideous as the brown mess I was wearing. But it wasn't chosen for how good it looks on me, its quality, how useful it would be in my wardrobe, etc. It was on sale, it went with the skirt, it fit me, I bought it. And in another 6 - 12 months, it will be in the same shape as the brown mess I was wearing, and it'll get pitched, too. Another $12.99 + tax down the drain.
Last week I decided I was no longer going to do that. I don't save any money by constantly replacing wardrobe basics (like twinsets, work pants, etc.) with more low-quality stuff that will soon need replacing. And I'm not doing my appearance any favors by buying things in that manner. I'm not doing my career any favors by showing up dressed poorly. And I'm doing some kind of subtle damage to my own psyche by telling myself that I will "deserve" nice clothes when I'm some future, smaller, acceptable size.
So anyway, last week I spent some time hunting around online for places to buy reasonably-priced, high-quality plus-size clothing, mostly basics. I had a few things at Lands' End and J. Jill that I was interested in. M suggested that we go down to Sears on Sunday-- they carry Lands' End in their stores-- and check out the selection. So we did. And I was so impressed! And M insisted on buying me several outfits, some for regular work wear and some for the honeymoon.
Their XL is generous and I ended up with a few sweaters in their regular XL, a couple pants in their plus sizes, and a button-down in their plus size (I have wicked big boobs). I got a 3/4-sleeve blue sweater, a lavender twinset, a patterned button-down, and a pair of khakis for work. For play-- the honeymoon, basically-- I got a long-sleeve navy boatneck t-shirt, a pair of cropped khakis, and a brown corduroy jacket (on crazy clearance).
Its amazing how much better about myself I feel in clothing that fits, that is quality, that flatters my shape instead of just covers it up.
My fiancee got home from Dallas on Saturday afternoon and is leaving first thing tomorrow morning for Japan. So, like we do most nights before a long overseas trip, we had a date night last night at Eclipse di Luna, a local tapas restaurant, with a couple friend of ours. I had sangria, dinner, and dessert-- and I'm not sorry.
*bangs head on desk-- viciously*
I'm so upset about this I don't even really want to discuss it. I worked really freaking hard last week. Really hard.
This weekend was a little tougher. I overslept Saturday and missed my 3.5-mile run (not a huge deal). My fiancee came home Saturday at lunch time, so I picked him up at the airport and since we were out and about, we stopped at Chipotle for lunch and I had the top "half" of a burrito bowl (mostly the chicken, salsa, cheese, and beans-- ignored most of the rice). Ravioli for dinner (I don't know why, but it was gross). Root beer floats made with Diet Barq's and Edy's Light vanilla for dessert. Sunday: breakfast bar, Panera black bean soup and half a turkey sandwich, pot roast with mashed potatoes for dinner, "diet" root beer floats.
Monday morning: short run and disastrous weigh-in.
Okay, I could have been way, way more virtuous over the weekend. Could have left the cheese off my burrito bowl, could have had something less heavy than pasta for dinner Saturday, could have skipped the not-band-friendly ice cream, could have avoided the against-bandster-rules soup at lunch on Sunday, could have prepared something more virtuous than pot roast for Sunday dinner.
But seriously. That not only did away with the previous week's good behavior but slapped an extra 1.4 pounds on my ass? What the hell?!
I don't want to talk about it.
My wardrobe has been in sad shape recently. I was banded last August, but I had been researching and pondering the possibilities for months before that. And I was really convinced that this would work for me, so even before we left to go get the band put in, I decided to stop buying new clothes for a while, and live with what I have. Because surely, by February 22nd-- my 6-month "bandiversary"-- I would be rocking a much smaller size. What would be the sense in investing a lot of money in clothes that I was soon going to "shrink out of"?
Hah. Sadly, in those 6 months it appears that I have permanently done away with only 12 lbs. What a waste. And my wardrobe-- particularly my work wardrobe-- has suffered badly. Since college, I have been telling myself that any day now, I will get this weight loss thing figured out, and find myself at a good size. A reasonable size. A decent size. And when I'm at that size-- no telling what it is-- I will allow myself to buy quality clothing. Until then, I can buy myself only crap-- stuff on the clearance racks at Target, Old Navy. Every year or two I will break down and buy some decent work clothes at Lane Bryant, but for the most part everything I buy for myself is under $20, ill-fitting, and cheaply-constructed.
Most of what I own is falling apart. Button-downs are too tight in the bust, sweaters are sprouting holes or coming apart at the seams. I have pants that are miserably faded, showing alarming wear at the seams, threatening to split down the back. I have several cardigans that are too small, too worn, missing buttons, completely worn out. Every day when I dress for work I look in my closet for something I can safety-pin into service that won't be terribly embarassing.
A couple weeks ago I went to work in a brown/cream/red plaid skirt with a brown twinset from Target. The skirt is in reasonable shape (though I don't wear it often because it rides uncomfortably close to my port) but the brown twinset was just sad. I have had it about a year, maybe a little longer. Since it was cheaply made, it was badly faded. Some of the buttons in the chest area were stretched and about to fall off. The shell had a hole in the back where the fabric was just giving way. And the cardigan top had a seam at the bottom that was just completely coming apart-- a huge gaping hole. I didn't notice this hole until I got to work and it was pointed out by a friendly coworker. Of course I already felt like I looked like crap, and her pointing out that my sweater was basically unraveling right off of my body made me more self-conscious. I was supposed to go out to dinner that night with friends to celebrate two birthdays, one of them mine. I was humiliated to show up at this fancy restaurant in this awful sweater.
So after work I made M drive me across the street to Old Navy and just swiped something out of the clearance rack. It was a big, chunky, deep-V-necked cream-colored sweater (and a matching camisole)-- the sweater was $12.99. Of course, big chunky knits aren't flattering on chesty girls. Its kinda... huge. I mean, it covered me up, it was warm, it was not as hideous as the brown mess I was wearing. But it wasn't chosen for how good it looks on me, its quality, how useful it would be in my wardrobe, etc. It was on sale, it went with the skirt, it fit me, I bought it. And in another 6 - 12 months, it will be in the same shape as the brown mess I was wearing, and it'll get pitched, too. Another $12.99 + tax down the drain.
Last week I decided I was no longer going to do that. I don't save any money by constantly replacing wardrobe basics (like twinsets, work pants, etc.) with more low-quality stuff that will soon need replacing. And I'm not doing my appearance any favors by buying things in that manner. I'm not doing my career any favors by showing up dressed poorly. And I'm doing some kind of subtle damage to my own psyche by telling myself that I will "deserve" nice clothes when I'm some future, smaller, acceptable size.
So anyway, last week I spent some time hunting around online for places to buy reasonably-priced, high-quality plus-size clothing, mostly basics. I had a few things at Lands' End and J. Jill that I was interested in. M suggested that we go down to Sears on Sunday-- they carry Lands' End in their stores-- and check out the selection. So we did. And I was so impressed! And M insisted on buying me several outfits, some for regular work wear and some for the honeymoon.
Their XL is generous and I ended up with a few sweaters in their regular XL, a couple pants in their plus sizes, and a button-down in their plus size (I have wicked big boobs). I got a 3/4-sleeve blue sweater, a lavender twinset, a patterned button-down, and a pair of khakis for work. For play-- the honeymoon, basically-- I got a long-sleeve navy boatneck t-shirt, a pair of cropped khakis, and a brown corduroy jacket (on crazy clearance).
Its amazing how much better about myself I feel in clothing that fits, that is quality, that flatters my shape instead of just covers it up.
My fiancee got home from Dallas on Saturday afternoon and is leaving first thing tomorrow morning for Japan. So, like we do most nights before a long overseas trip, we had a date night last night at Eclipse di Luna, a local tapas restaurant, with a couple friend of ours. I had sangria, dinner, and dessert-- and I'm not sorry.
Friday, February 8, 2008
friday vittles and eating better
breakfast:
1 cup coffee with 2 Tbsp sugar-free french vanilla Coffeemate - 30
1 package bite-size Quaker strawberry cereal bars - 130
lunch:
1 Lean Cuisine butternut squash ravioli - 350
snack:
1 banana - 105
1 1.15-oz package of all-natural peanut butter - 180
dinner:
1 serving (1 1/3 cup) Buitoni cheese ravioli - 317
1/2 cup Classico four-cheese spaghetti sauce - 90
2 Tbsp shredded parmesan cheese - 42
1/2 box of Green Giant steamed peas - 85
total food calories: 1,329
total exercise burned calories: 529
basal metabolic rate: 1,744
caloric deficit for the day: 944
I ran an easy 3-and-change mile double-loop in my 'hood this morning. It was cold and my calves were crampy for some reason. Maybe the cold. But, even though those 3 miles were slow, they were 3 miles in which I didn't walk at all.
At Galloway they enforce intervals-- the group I'm in right now does 30 seconds running, 30 seconds walking. Its part of this whole philosophy of injury prevention and improved recovery-- and most people (the faster groups use intervals like 3 min run/1 min walk) can actually do the same distance as fast doing intervals as they could at a steady run.
So when I do my daily runs at home, I don't enforce intervals. I run until I need a break, then I walk for a few mailboxes, then I run again. I probably walk maybe 2 - 3 times per mile, and I don't walk long, and those breaks usually happen after a significant hill.
Anyway, so even though I ran slow today, running through the hill-recoveries and such shows that my endurance has improved alot and will be good for me on my long runs.
I have a goal to run 16 times in February. Basically 4 times per week. 5 so far.
1 cup coffee with 2 Tbsp sugar-free french vanilla Coffeemate - 30
1 package bite-size Quaker strawberry cereal bars - 130
lunch:
1 Lean Cuisine butternut squash ravioli - 350
snack:
1 banana - 105
1 1.15-oz package of all-natural peanut butter - 180
dinner:
1 serving (1 1/3 cup) Buitoni cheese ravioli - 317
1/2 cup Classico four-cheese spaghetti sauce - 90
2 Tbsp shredded parmesan cheese - 42
1/2 box of Green Giant steamed peas - 85
total food calories: 1,329
total exercise burned calories: 529
basal metabolic rate: 1,744
caloric deficit for the day: 944
I ran an easy 3-and-change mile double-loop in my 'hood this morning. It was cold and my calves were crampy for some reason. Maybe the cold. But, even though those 3 miles were slow, they were 3 miles in which I didn't walk at all.
At Galloway they enforce intervals-- the group I'm in right now does 30 seconds running, 30 seconds walking. Its part of this whole philosophy of injury prevention and improved recovery-- and most people (the faster groups use intervals like 3 min run/1 min walk) can actually do the same distance as fast doing intervals as they could at a steady run.
So when I do my daily runs at home, I don't enforce intervals. I run until I need a break, then I walk for a few mailboxes, then I run again. I probably walk maybe 2 - 3 times per mile, and I don't walk long, and those breaks usually happen after a significant hill.
Anyway, so even though I ran slow today, running through the hill-recoveries and such shows that my endurance has improved alot and will be good for me on my long runs.
I have a goal to run 16 times in February. Basically 4 times per week. 5 so far.
i'm sorry i'm soooo booooooring
breakfast:
1 cup coffee with 2 Tbsp sugar-free french vanilla Coffeemate - 30
1 cup Kellogg's Special K Red Berries - 110
1 cup 2% milk - 122
lunch:
boxed lunch from Wolfgang Puck - basically the chicken and peanut dressing from on top of a salad, a cup of fruit (honeydew, cantaloupe, strawberries, grapes), and a disappointly crappy espresso brownie - maybe 700 calories?
dinner:
1 10" flour tortilla - 110
2 oz. lowfat 2% milk Mexican shredded cheese - 160
1/4 black beans - 50
1/2 cup shredded chicken breast, with jerk seasoning - 115
1 cup Kellogg's Special K Red Berries - 110
1 cup 2% milk - 122
total food calories: 1,629
total exercise burned calories: 150
basal metabolic rate: 1,744
caloric deficit for the day: 265
Thursday, February 7, 2008
boring, boring
breakfast:
1 cup coffee with 2 Tbsp sugar-free french vanilla Coffeemate - 30
1 Quaker strawberry cereal bar - 130
lunch:
1 10" flour tortilla - 110
2 oz. lowfat 2% milk Mexican shredded cheese - 160
1/4 black beans - 50
1/2 cup shredded chicken breast, with jerk seasoning - 115
2 tbsp lowfat sour cream - 40
snack:
1 banana - 105
1.15 oz natural peanut butter - 180
dinner:
1 10" flour tortilla - 110
2 oz. lowfat 2% milk Mexican shredded cheese - 160
1/4 black beans - 50
1/2 cup shredded chicken breast, with jerk seasoning - 115
2 tbsp lowfat sour cream - 40
total food calories: 1,395
total exercise burned calories: 150
basal metabolic rate: 1,744
caloric deficit for the day: 499
1 cup coffee with 2 Tbsp sugar-free french vanilla Coffeemate - 30
1 Quaker strawberry cereal bar - 130
lunch:
1 10" flour tortilla - 110
2 oz. lowfat 2% milk Mexican shredded cheese - 160
1/4 black beans - 50
1/2 cup shredded chicken breast, with jerk seasoning - 115
2 tbsp lowfat sour cream - 40
snack:
1 banana - 105
1.15 oz natural peanut butter - 180
dinner:
1 10" flour tortilla - 110
2 oz. lowfat 2% milk Mexican shredded cheese - 160
1/4 black beans - 50
1/2 cup shredded chicken breast, with jerk seasoning - 115
2 tbsp lowfat sour cream - 40
total food calories: 1,395
total exercise burned calories: 150
basal metabolic rate: 1,744
caloric deficit for the day: 499
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
mo' food bloggin'
breakfast:
1 cup coffee with 2 Tbsp sugar-free french vanilla Coffeemate - 30
1 Quaker strawberry cereal bar - 130
lunch:
1 Lean Cuisine garlic chicken stir-fry (with 2 veggie servings, and I didn't finish it) - 290
1 cup fresh cherries - 74
snack:
1 banana - 105
1 1.15-oz. packet natural peanut butter - 180
dinner:
1 10" flour tortilla - 110
2 oz. lowfat 2% milk Mexican shredded cheese - 162
1/4 black beans - 50
1/2 cup shredded chicken breast, with jerk seasoning - 115
2 tbsp lowfat sour cream - 40
total food calories: 1,286
total exercise burned calories: 506
basal metabolic rate: 1,744
caloric deficit for the day: 964
This morning I ran a 1.5-mile loop in my 'hood twice. Its a fun route that I have just put together. Basically it mashes together two shorter loops I've used for runs and walks, but its a great mashup. It combines several long, steady downhills with long, steady uphills, and two short but painful uphills. Its a great hilly workout with good balance, that is a challenge to endurance (long slow uphills) but exhilarating on the downhills, since I can pick up the pace for fun and a challenge. I will be doing that one regularly, I can tell.
1 cup coffee with 2 Tbsp sugar-free french vanilla Coffeemate - 30
1 Quaker strawberry cereal bar - 130
lunch:
1 Lean Cuisine garlic chicken stir-fry (with 2 veggie servings, and I didn't finish it) - 290
1 cup fresh cherries - 74
snack:
1 banana - 105
1 1.15-oz. packet natural peanut butter - 180
dinner:
1 10" flour tortilla - 110
2 oz. lowfat 2% milk Mexican shredded cheese - 162
1/4 black beans - 50
1/2 cup shredded chicken breast, with jerk seasoning - 115
2 tbsp lowfat sour cream - 40
total food calories: 1,286
total exercise burned calories: 506
basal metabolic rate: 1,744
caloric deficit for the day: 964
This morning I ran a 1.5-mile loop in my 'hood twice. Its a fun route that I have just put together. Basically it mashes together two shorter loops I've used for runs and walks, but its a great mashup. It combines several long, steady downhills with long, steady uphills, and two short but painful uphills. Its a great hilly workout with good balance, that is a challenge to endurance (long slow uphills) but exhilarating on the downhills, since I can pick up the pace for fun and a challenge. I will be doing that one regularly, I can tell.
Monday, February 4, 2008
trying harder
217.4
So I am now going to try to do three things, only one of which is a new thing.
1. Basically, my fiancee M has convinced me to go join a support group for lapbanded folk. It meets once a month and is led by Emory Bariatrics staff: dieticians, psychologists, etc. At $265 per year, its not exactly cheap but my fiancee wants me to do it so badly that he is fronting the cost. I am hoping that I will get some insight into some of my continuing food-related issues as well as some hope for making use out of my already-full-but-not-too-restricting band. He says if I do it for a few months and it doesn't seem to be helping, we will go back to the OCC for a followup appointment. An appointment at which I expect them to tell me to eat only depressingly small amounts of depressing diet foods, which is exactly what I can't do and was hoping the band would help me with.
2. I am writing down what I eat every day. God help y'all. I hope I don't slip up too badly and have to tell you guys I ate half a box of cereal or a ginormous milkshake.
3. Counting calories and computing caloric deficits. This is a system which has helped me in the past with varying degrees of success. Its worth a shot, anyway.
This morning I ran four miles-- four quality miles. I love days when I get up and bust out what I call quality miles. Those are runs in which I go faster than I normally do, walk less than I normally do, power up hills that normally defeat me, and generally end the workout feeling like I performed better than normal.
Here's today's projected calories (may be edited after supper):
breakfast:
1 Starbucks Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte (normally I have coffee at work with sugar-free creamer for 30 cals) - 130
1 Quaker strawberry cereal bar - 130
lunch:
1 Lean Cuisine butternut squash ravioli (with 2 veggie servings) - 350
1 small clementine - 35
snack:
1 banana - 105
1/4 cup almond, pecan, cranberry trail mix - 200
dinner:
1 10" flour tortilla - 110
2 oz. lowfat 2% milk Mexican shredded cheese - 162
1/4 black beans - 50
1/2 cup shredded chicken breast, with jerk seasoning - 115
2 tbsp lowfat sour cream - 40
total food calories: 1,427
total exercise burned calories: 638
basal metabolic rate: 1,744
caloric deficit for the day: 955
That's a decent caloric deficit, considering it takes about 3,500 calories to lose a pound. If I do that four days in a row, that's a pound gone. I can do that. Surely I can.
So I am now going to try to do three things, only one of which is a new thing.
1. Basically, my fiancee M has convinced me to go join a support group for lapbanded folk. It meets once a month and is led by Emory Bariatrics staff: dieticians, psychologists, etc. At $265 per year, its not exactly cheap but my fiancee wants me to do it so badly that he is fronting the cost. I am hoping that I will get some insight into some of my continuing food-related issues as well as some hope for making use out of my already-full-but-not-too-restricting band. He says if I do it for a few months and it doesn't seem to be helping, we will go back to the OCC for a followup appointment. An appointment at which I expect them to tell me to eat only depressingly small amounts of depressing diet foods, which is exactly what I can't do and was hoping the band would help me with.
2. I am writing down what I eat every day. God help y'all. I hope I don't slip up too badly and have to tell you guys I ate half a box of cereal or a ginormous milkshake.
3. Counting calories and computing caloric deficits. This is a system which has helped me in the past with varying degrees of success. Its worth a shot, anyway.
This morning I ran four miles-- four quality miles. I love days when I get up and bust out what I call quality miles. Those are runs in which I go faster than I normally do, walk less than I normally do, power up hills that normally defeat me, and generally end the workout feeling like I performed better than normal.
Here's today's projected calories (may be edited after supper):
breakfast:
1 Starbucks Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte (normally I have coffee at work with sugar-free creamer for 30 cals) - 130
1 Quaker strawberry cereal bar - 130
lunch:
1 Lean Cuisine butternut squash ravioli (with 2 veggie servings) - 350
1 small clementine - 35
snack:
1 banana - 105
1/4 cup almond, pecan, cranberry trail mix - 200
dinner:
1 10" flour tortilla - 110
2 oz. lowfat 2% milk Mexican shredded cheese - 162
1/4 black beans - 50
1/2 cup shredded chicken breast, with jerk seasoning - 115
2 tbsp lowfat sour cream - 40
total food calories: 1,427
total exercise burned calories: 638
basal metabolic rate: 1,744
caloric deficit for the day: 955
That's a decent caloric deficit, considering it takes about 3,500 calories to lose a pound. If I do that four days in a row, that's a pound gone. I can do that. Surely I can.
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