detailed update

I haven't posted lately about specifics about my band.

1. Its been almost exactly five months since my surgery.

2. I've had three fills and am now at 4.0 ccs in a 4-cc band.

3. I would say my restriction, on an average day, is at about 3/4 of the way to where I'd like it to be. This means that my breakfast is small (less than half a cup), my lunch is medium (about a cup) and my dinner pretty significant (about half of what a pre-band dinner was, or about1.5+ cups).

4. Typical meals lately are:

breakfast
* Quaker low-sugar breakfast bar (similar to Nutri-grain) for 130 cals
* coffee with Splenda and sugar-free creamer for about 30 cals

lunch
* Lean Cuisine entree for 200 - 400 cals
* a small piece of fruit (2 clementines, half an apple) or sweet treat (100-cal cupcake pack)

snack
* Weight Watcher's low-fat, sugar-free yogurt
* half a can of fruit (fruit cocktail, pear halves) canned in Splenda

dinner
* basically anything under the sun, but about 1/3 to 1/2 of the portion I would normally eat.

5. My major weakness is the abundance of very tempting, unhealthy foods at the office, and the skinny, hot girls I work with that can hoover two slices of luscious fancy-bakery birthday cake (yesterday) or leftover cookies and brownies from meetings (Tuesday) with no trouble. And naughty things like that? My weakness, pre-banding, PLUS, they go down soooo easy compared to things like lettuce.

6. When I cook at home, I try hard to eat a vegetable every night and focus on protein. I have had a lot of trouble up until recently with a lot of the veggies I was accustomed to eating: broccoli, brussels sprouts, lettuce, carrots, etc. Dinners I have prepared recently: a Cooking Light recipe for turkey chili (lots of beans, onions, peppers, tomatoes, corn), a grilled stuffed-chicken recipe (inside: basil, mozzarella, garlic) over pasta and marinara, a store-bought rotisserie chicken with frozen mixed veggies, an admittedly less-virtuous pot roast with carrots, onions, and mashed potatoes.

7. Things I am still having trouble eating:

* bread - I can't have sandwiches anymore. I can manage pizza if I eat the toppings off of the dough, and afterwards I can pick at the dough in small quantities and not worry about it. I can't eat a whole roll or biscuit, but for example, on turkey chili day, I had a few little nibbles off of one of my fiancee's after I'd eaten about 3/4 of my chili. For the most part, I just avoid bread, which is kind of amazing given that I'd never before been able to give up bread (on one of my many attempts at low-carb dieting).

* rice - I have had a few painful experiences with rice. For instance, I love sushi, and its a pretty diet-friendly meal, also, because I tend to stick to the basics and avoid the fried or mayo-dressed options. However, yesterdy I ate a Lean Cuisine with rice in it with no trouble-- I have a feeling the LC rice was not a problem because it is soggy and overcooked, just by nature of being a reheated frozen meal. For the most part, I just avoid rice, or eat only a small amount when its part of a larger dish.

* fiber-y vegetables - As I mentioned above, cooked broccoli, cooked brussels sprouts, raw carrots and lettuce have all been bad experiences for me. A couple weeks ago I had a chopped salad at Outback-- in which the lettuce was already cut into small squares about the size of a hole-punch hole-- with no trouble. So think its a "chewing to paste" issue. How do you chew lettuce to paste? And also-- eww. I think the same issue goes with the broc, brussels, and raw carrots. I've been keeping my freezer full of peas, spinach, cooked carrots and mixes that don't have a lot of the troublesome veggies in them.

* fruits - Apples with skins were a painful lesson, as were some dried apricots. I have been eating clementines lately, and take the time to strip away as much of the white membranes and even the inner section skins (if you know what I mean) when I eat them. Apples without skins are fine. Bananas are fine though they are thick so I rarely get down a whole one. I have also been buying canned fruit in Splenda-syrups, because their texture helps them go down.

8. I have random pains in my upper stomach every now and then. Not every day and not every week, but now and again. It worries me because my brain automatically goes to OMG ITS A SLIP when really, there's no reason to think so. I just chalk it up to a cramp or a nerve being irritated by having, you know, a large foreign object in my abdomen and move on.

9. My scars are healed but they are still pretty dark against my very, very pale skin. I have that pale blonde-haired blue-eyed Irish girl skin and scars have always taken a long, long time to recede on me. I know I need to be patient. I didn't think I'd be as self-conscious as I am about my belly scars. I actually cried when admitting that to my fiancee a week or two ago. He has been behind me 100% on this band journey and was flabbergasted that I was so worked up about it. It doesn't bother him at all and he often kisses and caresses by belly with no sign of revulsion.

10. I am down to only a couple PB's (productive burps) a week. Usually it is something I've done that I know better than to do-- I've eaten something I know is problematic, or eaten too fast (when I've very hungry this happens), or chewed insufficiently, or-- most commonly-- gone one or two bites past when I know I can and should stop.

11. I have basically mastered eating without drinking. In fact, doing so accidentally (or because I was busy not caring that day) has caused me to PB a few times. So for the most part, I just avoid it with little effort. Its only tough when I inadvertently eat something spicy (I was, pre-band, a medium-spicy eater) or when I've not been cautious to keep up with my water between meals and find myself sitting down to eat when I'm really, really thirsty. Sometimes I'm eating when I'm not even hungry, just thirsty. I try to avoid that, but it does happen.

12. I am still hungry between meals. Before and after the surgery, I cruised lots of boards and blogs and read about people who found it impossible to eat more than, say, every 6 or 8 hours. Not me! I could eat every two hours, and I'm careful not to chase my food down with water or other beverages (except in the morning with my coffee-- more on this below). My appetite has decreased in general but I still notice it. Its frustrating and contributes to a significant amonut of the weight-loss-ruining between-meal snacking I've been doing.

13. I run in the mornings. Right now I'm doing minimal mileage-- 2 to 3 miles is a typical weekday morning-- but I'm in a half-marathon training group and I know from experience that I can't run at 6 a.m. and then wait until noon to get some carbs into me. I get shaky, sweaty, dizzy, and lightheaded. I have to be careful and make sure I eat something, PLUS, I am accustomed to eating breakfast and am usually pretty hungry! So I have been eating those bars with my coffee, which helps them go down. Some mornings they would go down without coffee, but there are plenty of mornings when I would too tight to get even half of the bar down. I do try the coffee first, then the bar, but sometimes the bar needs a little help.

14. I know this sounds crazy, and I'm not 100% positive, but there seems to be some correlation between running in the morning and being band-tight the rest of the day. If its true, I'm a big fan of that. But it can be frustrating (see 13). But for the most part? I'll take it. Burning calories and being tighter and therefore taking in less calories: sounds like a recipe for success to me.

15. I have 58 days until my wedding, and a dress that is being altered to fit my current body exactly. As crazy as it sounds, I'm not too motivated to lose a ton between now and then. Five or six pounds, that come straight off my butt, and minimize my chubby cheeks and double chin? Fine by me. But I'm not going to go all insane about it pre-wedding.

16. Fiber. Fiber, fiber, fiber, FIBER. I need more of it. I've been sporadically using Benefiber as a supplement but I need to do so more regularly because I know I'm not getting enough, and my digestive system is, by and large, not too pleased with me on that front.

17. I've been eating Flintstones Chewables, which my girlfriend who is pregnant insists is totally cool because lots of women use them pre-natally or during pregnancy. And I figure kids probably need more vitamins than adults, not less, so its okay. I need another bottle though; I'm out.

18. As far as medications go, I've really only needed the occasional headache or muscle-ache relief and have been using BC Headache Powders for that. I got accustomed to the taste pretty quickly and while its not pleasant, it doesn't really even bother me. And dude-- they DO work fast. Also, I have skin allergies and occasionally need an antihistamine. They make one my fiancee is always giving me-- Allegra, or the generic for it?-- that comes in a sublingual tablet-- basically you put it on or under your tongue and it just melts. Works just fine.

19. I still haven't divulged my secret to many people in my life. For one, I consider it an intensely private battle that I've been fighting a long time, and I've never been one to trumpet my WW meetings or drone on about the wonders of South Beach or whatever in casual conversation. But also, I want it to work before I start talking about it. I do have a small circle of supportive girlfriends that do know, and of course my fiancee, but I keep the list pretty short.

20. Which brings me to my last point: I have had a few moments of panic and fear. I am afraid that I took a $10,000 gamble and that I'm going to lose. I'm ashamed and embarassed that after 5 months, I've only lost 15 lbs. I am even more ashamed and embarassed that a surgery combined with my own wedding hasn't been enough of a motivator for me to really go into the post-surgery diet with "guns blazing" and avoid my weaknesses. I have eaten far, far more strictly in the past and gotten results. I can't imagine how awesome my progress would be combining the effects of the band with that kind of eating. I'd be in terrific shape in no time. I am very afraid that at the end of the day, I'll be $10,000 poorer and still fat. Very afraid.